Whinging tabloid attack kitten Andrea Peyser really hates the gays. And she really hates the Muslims. But sometimes, life presents her with a situation in which she can't hate both at the same time. Who does she hate more?

If there are two things that reactionary tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser enjoys, they are moralizing voyeurism of sexxxy teens, and blanket condemnations of Muslims. Can she combine both in one sexxxy, finger-wagging, drool-flecked column? This is America! (Yes.)

Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank has gotten so tired of reading his own articles about Sarah Palin that he's proposing a "Palin-Free February" of news coverage. You can join him by taking a Twitter pledge! But why?

On his blog today, NYT columnist Paul Krugman opens a post with, "I don't usually bother looking at the Washington Post." Good call! For this "sin," Krugman ends up reading WaPo buffoon Dana Milbank, and promptly tears him apart. [NYT]

Andrea Peyser, a cheap tabloid columnist who's paid to help stoke the regrettable latent xenophobia and racism that underlies our society, is having a great day: she's found a minority who's in favor of racial profiling. This proves everything!

Doddering cottonhead Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen has already stated that he doesn't know what "Wikileaks" is. Today, he adds: can't we just go back to the days when Richard Cohen could caress the testicles of the powerful, in peace?

Tabloid sex-and-xenophobia commentator Andrea Peyser is, as we all know, America's chief booster of the concept of love. So it pains her to announce that Prince William and his slutty hussy bride-to-be are headed for The Big D (divorce).

Sextacular New York Post relationship consultant Andrea Peyser knows a thing or two about what men want, and she's about to hit you with some sexxxy wisdom, ladies. Rule One: don't be such a slut. She's talking to you, Maddie.

Tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser has never been accused of being honest, or a deep thinker. But her column today squeezes so much anti-gay, xenophobic rhetoric into so little logic that we feel we must comment upon her arguments.

Now that he's already denounced Christiane Amanpour's foreign, Taliban-supporting hair, what shall Washington Post TV critic Tom Shales denounce today? Sexy, sexy things. Girls gallivanting about with their epidermis hanging out! And sexting. Oh yes—sexting.

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker has just moved to NYC for her new CNN show, the somehow raunchy-sounding Parker Spitzer. But she's already whining about the "bureaucrats." Why won't Michael Bloomberg allow cable guys to eat doughnuts?

Confused about why Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg gave $100 million to Newark schools just as an unflattering movie about him was hitting theaters? It's not what you think! Allow tabloid sexpert Andrea Peyser to break it down for you.

Looking for another angry old white man's take on the "Ground Zero Mosque"? Then read this.

Sharp-eyed readers may have noticed that dog-loving New York Post columnist Cindy Adams has been absent from the paper for months. She was sick! Now she's back! With a deeply disturbing column of hospital erotica.

New York Fashion Week is just a boring party for gays—until New York's greatest tabloid sex teacher, Andrea Peyser, shows up! Then, Fashion Week transforms into one big orgy, the quality of which Andrea will opine upon.

When tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser is not being inappropriately sexual about adults, she's worrying about The Children. What's their future? Will they fall victim to gays? Will they tap that? Will they be denied their right to sexxxy time?

Peter Orszag, the possibly-bald former White House Budget Director with an attractive woman or two at his side, is the newest Op-Ed columnist at the New York Times. But only once or twice a month. Lazy bum. [NYT]

Fiendish villains! Lowest of the low! What rogues would dare to kick New York's most respected tabloid sex journalist, Andrea Peyser, out of a golf tournament, simply for a minor breach of security? Tiger Tiger Woods, yall!

A couple of new polls show that a growing number of Americans think Barack Obama is Muslim. Why? So far, the Washington Examiner's conservative writer Byron York has the worst explanation: because Obama sometimes mentions his "Muslim roots," confusing everyone!

Tabloid hussie-hisser Andrea Peyser usually ends up writing about sex fiends, but that's only because sex fiends are the city's greatest menace. She is always alert for other menaces. Like bicyclists—foreigner bicyclists.