Sometimes I wish that just one time in a situation like this Obama would walk up to the microphone and say, "you know what...screw all y'all!" But a boy can dream, can't he?
Two reasons to enjoy Nyle's video "Let the Beat Build": 1) It was shot all in one take with live music, and 2) refreshingly optimistic lyrics about creative ambition in the New Depression.
The University of Maryland student union was going to play a film called Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge, a reasonably big-budget fuck flick based on those pirate movies from the Disney people but with fake tits and bad jokes instead of Johnny Depp and bad jokes. (And with explicit sex, obviously. It's probably shorter than those damn pirate movies too.)
[The Kats are cranky this week as they watch a college riot involving the word "provost." Also, Jim Behrle's season's greetings.]
Good news for all of the nerds who've had wet dreams about Hermione since age twelve - Harry Potter actress Emma Watson is applying to college, and she's thinking about leaving the esteemed halls of Hogwarts and heading to the States to get her education! We're sure the rising seniors over at Sigma Alpha Epsilon will be taking bets on who will nail her first while eager potential dormmates list "magic" and "sorcery" as interests when filling out their roommate request forms. Watson, who apparently garnered straight A's in high school finishing exams (Ooh! Sounds fancy!), says she hopes to be a part of a liberal arts program in the U.S. But after recent reports that new student James Franco was being stalked by hordes of psycho freshman while studying at the Columbia University library, we've learned the campus grounds aren't the safest confines for the cream of Young Hollywood's crop.In fact, some schools are flat out rejecting stars for the unwanted distraction they bring to the classroom. Last spring, Brooke Hogan was denied admission at three colleges in Florida when she was told the nine-camera production team behind her VH1 reality show Brooke Knows Best would disrupt the academic livelihood of other students - which is unfortunate, as she clearly needs the education. At the University of Southern California, the fine institution from which I recently graduated, there were many "star" students. Freshman year, Lee Thompson Young, vaguely known for his starring role on Disney's long-lost series The Famous Jett Jackson, was constantly ridiculed for his penchant for wearing exclusively all-white ensembles around campus ... classy. When Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos was boning Paris, girls used to flock to his English classes in the hopes of impressing him with their knowledge of Kafka. And rumor had it that David Gallagher, who played that goody-two-shoes with a bowl cut Simon from 7th Heaven, was a huge stoner who shacked up with a stripper in a house off campus. Point being: Hermione - no matter what you do, you're probably screwed.
Welcome to a special Labor Day edition of Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to what's new, noteworthy and potentially nausea-inducing this week at the movies. We're as shocked as anyone to see another bottleneck for wide releases, with five films vying for scarce holiday dollars before studios roll out their fall collections. Alas, there they are — only one dumpee can finish on top, and our overeducated guess follows below. We've also got a hunch over who stands to lose big, our regular underdog pick for your consideration, and the best of the best new DVD releases for you three-day-weekend homebodies. As always, our choices are our own but positively elegant in their accuracy. You're welcome! WHAT'S NEW: For the second consecutive week, what isn't new? But more to the point, what's new that you actually want to see? The Summer of the R-rated Comedy tapers off with College, which will battle Disaster Movie in the lowest-common-denominator category. Hamlet 2 expands to 1,500 screens, hoping to find some traction in the mudslide that was its lackluster limited opening last Friday. Among smaller films, look for Brian Cox to avenge his murdered dog in the haunting Red, while Czech Oscar-winner Jiri Menzel returns after 20 years with I Served the King of England and the '90s art-scene aftermath gets a once-over in the doc Beautiful Losers. Finally — and somewhat amazingly — a franchise is born with Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!.THE BIG LOSER: Babylon A.D. may yet outmaneuver Tropic Thunder for the week's top box-office spot; it should tip $15 million for the four-day frame, probably just sneaking by Ben Stiller's comedy by less than $1 million. That's the "good news" — if underperforming by about 20% is still considered good. The failures don't stop there, however; to the extent it's remembered at all, Babylon A.D. will always have the distinction of being the film that ended loose-lipped Matthieu Kassovitz's directing career in America, sucker-punched Vin Diesel back into franchise submission and jammed a red-ink exclamation point on Fox's underachieving (if not disastrous) summer. Still, they'll always have the silver lining of ambition — this kind of implosion requires a rare chemistry you shouldn't take for granted. Just wear sunglasses and stand way, waaayyyy back.
US News & World Report released its annual college rankings today. No need to read; it's the usual suspects in the usual order. "The real news is price. A year at Harvard now costs $36,173 (tuition and fees), while Columbia will set you back $39,326. The cost of a college education is escalating at three to four times the inflation rate." [WSJ/Wealth Report]
In a move that flies in the face of everything that movies have taught us about university administrators, a coalition of college presidents is campaigning to have the drinking age reduced from 21 to 18. Notably absent from the list of signatories: the presidents of 19 of the Princeton Review's top 20 party schools. Class of 2013, expect a funnel and a ping-pong ball in your admission package! [NYDN]
Remember Stephany Her RoyalHighness, that incoming Princeton freshman who wrote that batshit Nietzschian Facebook letter to the Class of 2012? No? Let's refresh: "We are the anti-Christs to save the world from the mercy of God, the self-pity that festers within the masses," was a key sentence. And: "Religion is the opiate of the masses, so drug them until they are nothing but slaves at your will." Hey, turns out Stephany — last name Xu — is a product of our nation's dying Catholic schools! Stephany — who plans to maybe major in child psychology to help abused and neglected children! — was salutatorian at John Paul II High School in Plano, Texas. (Motto: Seek To Serve.) That's her in uniform above! She even gave a slightly more Jesus-compliant version of her screed in her graduation speech:From a tipster:
Yesterday some kid named "Stephany" born in the nineties wrote a Facebook message to fellow members of Princeton Class of 2012, and now we have her picture. (There's another after the jump!) Inspired by its imagery (ripped condoms! bloody lips!) but also by its flawed underlying assumption that anyone gives a shit where you went to college, we crafted our own letter, to all the young people who ever went to college, as part of what we plan to make a regular feature, Tough Love. Dear Young Folks, you know that saying "We don't care about the young folks?" Of course you do, you're young! But it's not really true. I care deeply about Kids Today, especially since it has started to come to my realization that everyone in Generation X hates you! I mean, even if we actually love you, we hate your blog, that you pretend you know everything even as it so rarely seems to occur to you that there is stuff you can't learn on Google, that you have so much misplaced self-confidence, and that when something makes you insecure we get the sense it is the first time you ever felt insecure about that thing and that makes us feel old.
The internet is full of scorn and advice for The Youngs, today. Everyone is so concerned! It's sweet. As we mentioned, Doree explores the topic of foolish Ivy League entitlement at some length in The Observer. Young-on-young violence! Meanwhile some of us are forced into oppressive internshps. An angry old man says quit bitching, basically. A sad young literary old man has advice (?) about how we Youngs are full of GUFF. Guff toward him! Of all people! This rubs some youngs the wrong way. But there is a solution! To everyone's problem! Everyone needs to drop out of school, as soon as possible. The best of the best have done it and lived to tell the tale. Including that angry old guy from before, who was, once again, ahead of the curve. He has moved on to unemployment, which is, we hear, similarly freeing. Who else is in? Update: Ha ha ha. Maybe we should all learn trades?
At least three staff members of the New York Observer live in Williamsburg, the Brooklyn neighborhood where every description was already a cliché like, ten years ago, dude. And they're determined to parlay their job at a somewhat relevant media outlet into some easy hipster sex this summer. So today they put together a long and infuriating package about living the post-college high life in "Williamsburg College." The two theses of the story are "Williamsburg does not blow!" and "it's not that different from college anyway." Only one of which is true.
