There's nothing dumber or more transparent than "ironically" watching a porn movie with your buddies for laughs. But college students need to learn this for themselves, Maryland State Senate!

The University of Maryland student union was going to play a film called Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge, a reasonably big-budget fuck flick based on those pirate movies from the Disney people but with fake tits and bad jokes instead of Johnny Depp and bad jokes. (And with explicit sex, obviously. It's probably shorter than those damn pirate movies too.)

Why were they doing this? Well, for one, it's hard to get people to show up at the Student Union for anything these days, because the student union is pretty gay.

As the student union theater program director explained:

Students have been wanting to show a triple-X movie for some time, and she was waiting for one that wasn't too violent or degrading, one that had a plot.

Ok, sure. Why not. What's the harm?

Well one killjoy in the Maryland State Senate got wind of this plot to have students actually pay for pornography and he was not pleased!

Sen. Andrew P. Harris (R-Baltimore County) called it "shocking" and offered a budget amendment: Any public university that allowed the screening of a triple-X film would forfeit state funding — about $424 million next year in U-Md.'s case.

Hah. Nice one, Andrew Harris. Strip a major public university of public funding because its student-funded activities committee was going to allow adult students to buy tickets to watch an adult film. Yes, wonderful. But why, Senator Harris?

"Pornography is not fun. It's poison," said Harris, who told his colleagues that he is the father of three daughters, the eldest of whom is a college senior.

Look, most porn "is not fun." But there's a whole world of it out there, Andrew!

While the Maryland State Senate was debating this important issue, elementary school classes kept wandering in on tours, as in a hilarious farcical movie or something.

While another senator was pressing Harris about why his amendment did not apply to double-X or single-X films, Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller Jr. (D-Calvert) noticed that a group of third-graders had arrived to watch the action from the Senate gallery.

"Can we move to another amendment?" Miller said. And then: "We welcome the students from Plum Point Elementary School."

As debate on the other issue wrapped up, he told the children: "We're waiting for you to leave the room. We've got to talk about bad stuff."

Later, another senator was citing research that pornography makes men more angry at women who flirt but refuse to have sex. A group from Hollywood Elementary School in St. Mary's County then arrived.

Hah. The hilariously punitive budget measure probably would not have passed, but the school decided to cancel the screening anyway, just to be safe. So good work, Maryland State Senator Andrew Harris, you have saved these college students from ever seeing poisonous pornography.