The disaster that is Alexander moves the anonymous troublemaker behind the Query Letters I Love blog to take a respite from posting the insane pitches of aspiring screenwriters to rail against Colin Farrell:

By nearly all accounts, Oliver Stone's Alexander is a huge, nearly unwatchable mess (all for the bargain price of $160 million). The NYT's Manohla Dargis runs down a partial checklist of what went wrong with the epic:

With the Alexander the Great action figure, you can bring all of the fun of Oliver Stone's Alexander home before the film hits theaters on November 24th. The toy's a little pricey (a reported $150 million, without accounting for studio budgetary trickery), and early reviews indicate that it falls apart after about an hour and a half of play. Note: Even if you order it now, they can't guarantee that the shipping won't be delayed for two weeks as the designers tinker with his skirt, fearing that the "adventurous" Alexander will try to play with both your Barbie and Ken dolls. (They wouldn't want to turn off toy collectors in the red states or hurt their chances at awards time.)

Irish bad boy Colin Farrell on his chosen vocation: "My dad, when I told him I wanted to be an actor, he laughed and he said, 'A play actor? Ha ha ha ha.' And then the first [expletive] check came in and he said, 'That was a good idea.'"
The 'it' guy [WaPo]

· A friend of polo player Adam Lindemann on Lindemann's impending divorce (in that "how will this play at the yacht club?" vein) : "It is a shame...They have three beautiful daughters who will be the new Miller sisters. Everyone really likes them boththey are very popular on the social circuitand we are all hoping for the best." [Page Six]
· Clint Eastwood on dear old mom: "Mumsy and I talk every night on the telephone...Last night, I took her to dinner at my golf club...I built it three years ago because it was so difficult to get tee times at the Pebble Beach Club." [Page Six]
· Old Homestead steakhouse owner suspects that Daniel Bouloud dropped his $50 DB burger because his $41 Old Homestead burger was better. "If there ever was a burger war, I think I kicked ass." Bouloud's spokeswoman: "Having the most expensive burger isn't necessarily something to be proud of." [Page Six]
· We're shocked, shocked to learn that Liza Minelli and David Gest's gargantuan anniversary party has been cancelled because Liza's back in rehab. Irish bad boy Colin Farrell on being a dad: "It's true, yes, I'm going to be a dad. I haven't even told my family yet. It's so cool. I'm fucking chuffed and over the moon" [NY Daily News]
· Jerry Seinfeld's ex, Shoshanna Lonstein, had her bachelorette party in Vegas this weekend. The Word reports that it included a "cameo appearance by Ed McMahon" (which is vaguely disturbing). [The Word]

· According to the upcoming issue of NY Magazine, Tommy Mottola lost his job through "a combination of lousy record sales, a penchant for presidential-type security, and lack of reverence for his bosses." [Page Six]
· Gotham Editor Jason Oliver Nixon was offered Us Weekly's "Scene and Heard" section, but declined because of the position's high turnover rate. [Page Six]
· William Gibson's new novel features a character who's allergic to brand-name clothing like Tommy Hilfiger, of whose clothes Gibson tells the Black Table's Greg Lindsay, "It is impossible to be more derivative, more removed from the source, more devoid of soul." [Page Six]
· Maxim Editor-in-Chief Keith Blanchard's new book, The Deed, is coming out on March 4th. He'll be celebrating tomorrow night at a party at Rehab with Dennis Publishing head Steven Colvin and Simon & Schuster's David Rosenthal. [Page Six]
· Roman Polanksi fled the country in '78 because the judge told Hollywood producer Howard Koch he'd "see that this man never gets out of jail." Koch warned Polanksi. [Cindy Adams]
· Colin Farrell says he was being sarcastic when said that heroin was okay, "when taken in moderation." [NY Daily News]
· A handwriting analyst on GQ Editor Art Cooper, based on a letter written to Stuff Editor Greg Gutfeld's boss, Felix Dennis, suggesting that Dennis fire Gutfeld: "Art has a strong need for affection...He thrives on touching and being touched. Art desires being told that he is loved, every day." [The Word]

(Because I know all of you are sitting on the edge of your seats wondering...) According to Someone Who Would Know, you have your agent call Colin's agent and say, "——ney would like to fuck Colin. Can we schedule a time?" Unfortunately for ——ney, Colin is on location shooting a movie. He is, however, available between the hours of, say, 3PM and 4PM in his trailer. If Miss ——ney would like to meet Mr. Farrell between the hours of 3PM and 4PM, she is welcome to do so. We're penciling her in, so to speak. ——ney arrives at the trailer, which has been thoughtfully equipped with lit candles by Mr. Farrell's staff. We're not saying this actually happened, but...okay, maybe we are saying this actually happened. Or not.

· Irish bad boy Colin Farrell on casual sex: "I'm into [it] . . . I come into town and fuck whoever I can - but I'm not mean and egotistical about it. Whoever I bang is bangin' me back!" [Page Six]
· Howard Stern and Carson Daly were having a contest at Rehab to see who could get the most women to come to their respective tables. Stern won. [Page Six]
· Ken Park co-director and Far From Heaven cinematographer Ed Lachman appears on the front page of the Rotterdam Film Festival's daily newspaper buck naked. [Page Six]
· Cindy Adams filmed Hitler's secretary long before Sony did their "first-and-only exclusive" for their film, Blind Spot. [Cindy Adams]
· Hillary Clinton remarks that Matilda Cuomo understands the challenges of being a governor's wife, but "we won't go into that now"; Jude Law's wife Sadie Frost is being treated for severe depression in a London clinic; and more words of wisdom from Colin Farell: "I love porn movies. They're great, great fun. I've been buying porn movies since I was 14." [NY Daily News]