At this point even a casual observer would be forced to deduce that CNN was doing dumb shit just to get a rise out of Jon Stewart.

If you weren't tuned in to CNN at 10:00 p.m. Tuesday night to witness the car wreck that was Chris Cuomo's insane interview with "vivacious, sexually adventurous, guitar-playing student" (and accused murderer) Amanda Knox—why? Why weren't you watching CNN? Were you doin' some sex stuff? Some kinda freaky sex stuff? Some freaky sex stuff like everybody says you like? 'Zat what gets you off? Sex? You like doing sex? Chris Cuomo will be arriving at your home shortly to grill you about your perversions.

This GIF shows CNN's Nancy Grace and correspondent Ashleigh Banfield in what appears to be a remote interview. Except that, uh—isn't that the same car in the background of both shots?

On the Daily Show and the Colbert Report last night, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert covered the 142nd NRA convention held in Houston, Texas. Stewart covered the NRA 2013 convention in a riff titled "The Good, the Bad, and the Crazy," while Colbert used the convention to launch into a new series called "Bat Shit Serious."

Howard Kurtz, whose bizarre, incoherent article on Jason Collins earlier this week led to his departure from the Daily Beast, offered a long, mostly awkward apology on his own show, CNN's Reliable Sources.

Paul Kevin Curtis, the Elvis impersonator accused of sending ricin-laden letters to President Obama and others, had his charges dropped yesterday when federal authorities said they'd found "new information." Naturally, Curtis was ecstatic, and this afternoon he took to CNN to express his excitement and relief. After giving a standard interview in which he basically said he's hoping to parlay his poisoning charges into a life of celebrity, Curtis then broke into the Randy Travis song "On the Other Hand" at the CNN reporter's request. If you've not been paying attention, it has not been a banner week for CNN.

CNN's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week was great news for Jon Stewart.

CNN's reporting of an arrest having been made in connection with Monday's Boston Marathon bombing turned out to be stupendously wrong, but at least it allowed Jon Stewart to do what he does best: Tear into a so-called news network for royally screwing up its one job.

This is what has been happening on cable news for the past few hours: After insisting that they had confirmation from two separate sources that an arrest had been made in the marathon bombing, and while ignoring reports from nearly every other source that said otherwise, CNN was forced to admit that there were then three sources telling them that no arrest had been made and just recently changed their report status to "conflicted." Meanwhile, there were several different descriptions of the "suspect" that was never identified in the first place in is not at all in custody but might be for all we know.

Endlessly malfunctioning pop cultural disaster Michelle Shocked appeared on last night's Piers Morgan Live to clarify last month's seemingly anti-gay babble that pushed her into the spotlight like never before. She was, in a word, opaque.

Well, they did say that sooner or later God (of The Great Flood fame) would come to punish the world for the sins of the gays (marriage in particular), but who knew He would be so damn boring about it? Hours ago, CNN contributor Jeffery Toobin was lightly tapped by a possessed umbrella while proclaiming that "DOMA" may be "in trouble."

CNN earned the ire of thousands over the weekend when it aired coverage of the Steubenville Rape trial that was shockingly sympathetic toward the rapists.

One way to report on the outcome of a rape trial is to discuss the legal ramifications of the decision or the effect the proceedings may have on the life of the victim. Another angle reporters can take is to publicly worry about the "promising future" of the convicted rapists, now less promising as a direct result of their choice to rape someone.

Ratings-starved CNN is changing its focus, and that's cool. They hadn't been committed to straight news reporting for some time, but really hadn't fully made the leap into baseless sensationalism until just a few weeks ago when "flesh egg" Jeff Zucker took the reins. Their 24-hour coverage of the "shit cruise" was exemplary sensationalism, even going so far as to compare a group of inconvenienced vacation-ers to victims of Katrina.

CNN certainly was the only one covering the plight of the Carnival cruise ship Triumph by land, air, and sea yesterday, but to what avail? Well thanks to CNN a mother was able to see her daughter whom she had not seen for several days (and wouldn't have anyway because said daughter was ON A CRUISE), another mother was able to speak to her indifferent son via cell phone, and several other humans were able to watch a floating toilet inch its way closer to Mobile, Alabama.

Here is a list of things we learned from Bill Nye "The Science Guy" on CNN this morning when he was asked to comment on the recent space debris that has been crossing paths with earth:

As you're all probably well aware, the shit-covered Carnival cruise ship finally arrived in Mobile, Alabama earlier tonight. CNN dropped all other news to cover the event as though it were some sort of national disaster, which it clearly isn't. Only don't tell that to CNN's Martin Savidge, who during an interview with passenger Rob Kenny, compared conditions aboard the ship to life in New Orleans immediately after Hurricane Katrina. You know, the storm that killed thousands and nearly destroyed a major U.S. city. Thankfully, Kenny put Savidge in his place, telling him: "Well, let's put that in perspective. Katrina was a major a devastation. We're out on a freaking cruise ship, and just out here having a good time...those are two different things."

Christopher Dorner, the alleged killer ex-cop currently being hunted—sometimes poorly—by the LAPD, reportedly mailed a package to CNN's Anderson Cooper that arrived last week, on February 1. Cooper's assistant opened the package and found inside two smaller parcels: One was a souvenir medallion sometimes given out by LA Police Chief William Bratton. The medallion had been damaged by bullet holes and a note attached to it read, "Thanks but no thanks, Will Bratton." The second parcel was a DVD ostensibly containing an interview with Christopher Gettler, the schizophrenic man Dorner claimed a fellow officer kicked unnecessarily during an arrest in 2007. Dorner was later fired after an LAPD board ruled his allegations were false and refused to give weight to the ill Gettler's testimony. But in the manifesto he posted to Facebook earlier this week, Dorner wrote, "During this [LAPD Board of Rights] hearing a video was played for the ... panel where Christopher Gettler stated that he was indeed kicked by Officer Evans." On the DVD, Dorner had written, "Chris Dorner Exoneration."

Jeff Zucker, the flesh egg whose destruction of NBC earned him a job running CNN, has launched his reign of terror over the network: James Carville and Mary Matalin — gone! Erick Erickson — gone! Managing editor Mark Whitaker — gone! And lo: Chris Cuomo's silhouette appears on the horizon, ready to take on "a major role in a new CNN morning show and across the network."

Tom Foreman is an Emmy Award-winning journalist for CNN who has covered everything from the Sago Mine explosion to the economy to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has also been obsessively writing letters to President Obama for the last four years. Every. Single. Day.