Because You Demanded It — deranged man attacks subway rider with industrial tools, then absconds with teddy bear on continued crimewave. The Today Show has the goods above. Shocking, as even with the trials and tribulations of a normal New York subway commute, one rarely expects an assault from a pair of cordless reciprocating saws. And there's some question about whether or not MTA workers at the scene fled and/or observed the carnage with bored disinterest. See zone-flooding repetitive linkfest after the jump for full details, but the upshot is that the alleged saw-wielding maniac has been apprehended, and the victim is recovering from his wounds in the hospital. Plus, as Newsday notes, subway officials don't think this will make customers feel unsafe, and they're right — an interviewed straphanger says of the saw attack, "It doesn't happen that often." [emph. added]

If you were creeped out by Rocketboom for the last couple years (now called "the well-endowed age"), you might enjoy this video from OfficePirates.com half as much as I did.

We'd never begrudge our newest, highest-profile cinematic superhero any endorsement opportunities that might arise from his gig as the Man of Steel, but there's something unintentionally hilarious about Brandon Routh's infomercial for Rope Yoga. We trust Routh's claims that this form of exercise was invaluable to his preparation for the physical rigors he would face on the Superman Returns set, but each time we see him demonstrating the machines upon which he trained for his strenuous flying harness work, it's hard not to imagine that archnemesis Lex Luthor has entangled him in Kryptonite ropes, bonds from which he's struggling to break free before Lois Lane takes her final step towards oblivion on a nearby booby-trapped StairMaster.

Because insanity is at least fun to watch, Richard Blakeley took photographs of the World Trade Center site over the past 101 days (March 26 - July 4) and used them to create a time-lapse video of the area's "progress." Think of it as a preview of what exciting information might come from the new WTC website and its real-time information updates: watch as not a single fucking thing happens.

• Star fucking Jones, what are we going to do with you? She's forced off The View, then does a surprise, on-air resignation, then tells People magazine that she was betrayed. Barbara Walters locks her out, and now we're subjected to an endless round of interviews featuring Jones passive-aggressively reflecting on the whole thing. And scene.
• Oh, you best believe Radar is alive and kicking and hiring. Lots of hiring.
• Harper's Bazaar allows Britney Spears to take her clothes off; to make matters worse, the mag forces her nudie pics upon our innocent eyes.
• LA Weekly scribe Nikki Finke is SO NOT INSANE.
• Stephen Colbert and Chris Matthews share their intensely physical manlove with the world.
• It's Devil Wears Prada madness; Anna Wintour will be played by Victoria Principal.
• The Bonnie Fuller backlash never goes out of style.
• Here's the thing with our boy Anderson Cooper: everyone loves him. And yet nobody watches him.
• Charlie Gibson leaves morning television, thus forcing us to watch Good Morning America.
• Another Fake Writer, this time at the Post. Which really isn't that surprising or interesting, come to think of it.
• Harper Lee comes out of hiding, all for the love of Oprah. Really, there's nothing the woman can't do.

If the last video clip of Hawaiian excess in New York's Silicon Alley didn't convince you there's a bubble, maybe this clip from the same party will win you over. The interviewer labels this the "least coherent business plan" — which shows he's never walked through Palo Alto. "Seriously," he says, "this kid has a startup (but no funding, yet, thank god)."

Hula dancers! Blue vibrators! A whole roast pig! Last night's Silicon Alley Luau held by NYC startup ShopWiki tells it like it is: the bubble's back and we're all getting leied!

The CNN rerun of last night's Larry King-Star Jones interview just finished airing — but they cut off the last bit of the tape where Larry King supposedly buttsqueaked. The resourceful Dr. Blogstein, however, grabbed the clip in question. Just as King says, "the tragedy of the Ramseys," you can hear an faint toot (it took us a couple of listens to pinpoint it). The noise could be a fart; it could also just be an emphysema gurgle. We're not sure but, for the sake of Summer Fridays, we're going to go ahead and call it a fart and let you pass the ultimate judgment.

Earlier today, the interwebs were briefly atwitter as a teaser trailer for Michael Bay's Transformers was "leaked" to YouTube, promptly removed, then reappeared on the official site. We're sure that the folks at DreamWorks have no idea how such a buzz-building leak could happen!

Courtesy of our slutty sisters at Wonkette, and only because few things make us happier than mildly homoerotic mainstream entertainment, we present a highlight from Chris Matthews' Wednesday appearance on The Colbert Report. Sure, Matthews is in the driver's seat at first, as you'd expect. But then he tenderly offers Colbert a turn on top, and, well, times like that are why they invented TiVo.

Okay, Google's hiring star designers like Doug Bowman for its actual products, not as ad creatives. But let's hope they make the new Google Checkout as pretty as this commercial.

Oh, Al Roker will talk to the Kentucky lesbians. But let them mention "fast women," and whoa! whoa! whoa!

TED, the futuristic conference that calls itself "a preview of Heaven" just released this year's keynote speeches online. Most of the clips from the February TED conference aren't geeky or funny enough. But New York Times personal tech columnist David Pogue is both. Forgive a few well-worn jokes and listen to his witty — if pedantically delivered — piano parodies. "The Bill Gates Song" is destined to be a summer jam.

Amidst the cacophony of syrupy farewell tributes that seem to be clogging up the morning show rounds lately, there's something almost refreshing about the beyond messy thunderstorm of bile surrounding Star Jones' abrupt—yet somehow nine years too late—departure from The View. Nothing until now has quite reached the glorious levels of passive-aggressive, full-frontal cattiness of this morning's show opener, however (video above). On a very Star-free set (our closer-to-the-action sibling Gawker cites a source who claims Jones "refused to get into her towncar this morning,"), reigning View monarch Walters spills every petty, in-fighting bean: "We'd hoped she'd leave with dignity. But Star made another choice." Walters then reached behind the couch and retrieved a Bloomingdale's bag, spilling its contents on the floor in front of her. "But since our former colleague left us in this manner, I have absolutely no regrets about showing you the bag full of spare stomach staples and trimmed flesh from his last tummy tuck—God only knows why she saved it—that she forgot to remove from her dressing room. She chose this undignified path, not me."

Also: a few readers report that Jones called in to Steve Harvey's radio show this morning and said that yesterday ABC producers called her agents, informing them that Star was never to come back to The View, effective immediately. Burning bridges sure does make for a spectacular glow.

Earlier: Every Time Connie Chung Says Goodbye We Die a Little, Especially This Time

The homepage at Marc Canter's newly launched social service, People Aggregator (user/pass: paalpha/paalpha), promises a "video tour" of the site. Instead, it links to a video tour of Marc's porch.

We're not in the habit of handing out free advertising space to studios, but we kind of like Sony's balls in releasing their Spider-Man 3 teaser on the day Superman Returns begins its marathon seven-day opening weekend. Nicely played, faceless multimedia corporation with a competing superhero-based product! We've already forgotten all about the silly man in the tights and cape.

Star Jones Quits 'The View' After Nine Years [AP]

UPDATE: Jones tells People: "'What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the tenth season. I feel like I was fired.' She adds that she was told her contract wouldn't be renewed just days before news leaked that O'Donnell would be joining The View."