Just what we've been waiting for! Thanks to FamilyWatchdog.us, you can now create a map of all the sexual offenders in your neighborhood. [Gawker]

It's pretty sweet to be a famous ex-athlete when the Olympics roll around: Apparently, it's when companies eagerly offer lucrative sponsorship deals to sports personalities, even if they're long retired. Mark Spitz, for example, is making seven figures this year from endorsing Botox; manufacturers Allergan think that the 58-year-old will appeal to their target demo. Also, if a presumably health-conscious former swimmer is willing to inject his face with deadly poison, it must be OK!

Here's another book about how much it sucks to be a single thirty-something woman in New York! But before you yawn, this one has a semi-original twist: When the author, Anita Jain, whose parents brought her to the US from India when she was a baby, decided to give up on finding love in the Big Apple, she returned to her birthplace where "marriages are routinely arranged by parents and extended family." Now there's an idea: when you've run out of options on Match.com, you can always consider returning to tactics of the Middle Ages!

• NYSE Euronext's Philippe Duranton has paid $4.6 million for a 3,000-square-foot condo at 32 West 18th Street (left). The best part? One of his new neighbors will be Atoosa Rubenstein. [Cityfile]

Hot on the heels of Toyota's new Winglet, the Times reminds readers today that riding a Segway in New York City is still technically iillegal. But as Itsi Atkins will tell you, the police don't actually enforce the law and he hasn't had any problems since he started offering two-wheeled tours of the city for $100 an hour. He hasn't many customers either, but that's another matter. [NYT]

It isn't always easy being a billionaire. Especially if you happen to be Russian. Sure, you've got plenty of cash and you can afford spectacular estates in the South of France. But then some snooty maitre d' refuses to give you a table at a restaurant and your vacation is ruined! Yes, it seems the outrageous ostentatiousness of these mega-rich Russian invaders has rankled locals in Italy and France and they're showing their disdain the best way they know how: by denying them entrance to bars and restaurants.

Remember Jeffrey Epstein, the financier who was sent to jail for paying teenage girls to give him dirty massages? Well, he hasn't been totally bored since he took up residence at the Palm Beach County stockade in late June. In addition to emailing models in Manhattan, he's received visits from two twentysomething girls, including Sarah Kellen, his personal assistant who the police say was in charge of rounding up masseuses for Epstein as well as preparing his massage table and "oils." The other visitor? Nadia Marcinkova, "whose family in Yugoslavia Epstein paid money to so that he could bring her to the United States to be his 'sex slave,' two teenage girls told police." In fact, visiting Epstein has been something of a part-time job for Marcinkova: She visited him four times in 13 days during the month of July.

At press events for Vicky Christina Barcelona, ScarJo has been quick to tell journalists that she is not Woody Allen's muse: "Every single junket that we've done so far, we always get the muse thing and we always say no, it's not that way." In other words, in case anyone suspected otherwise, she wants to make it crystal clear that she'd rather poke out her own eyes than see the geriatric auteur naked. [AFP]

Candace Bushnell has so much to answer for. First her literary career spawned a flood of mimics. Now the same is happening with TV: Variety reports that Bergdorf Blondes author Plum Sykes is writing a TV show for NBC entitled Mogulettes, "a half-hour comedy about female tycoons." The idea for the show, which will be written with Amy Harris, came from Sykes, apparently, and not from Bushnell's Lipstick Jungle, another NBC show about, oh yes, powerful businesswomen. To be fair, Mogulettes does sound different from Lipstick: It will center around "the leader of a cosmetics empire," which was Bonnie Somerville's character in Cashmere Mafia. Anyway, Variety points out that the version of Bergdorf Blondes Sykes developed for the WB died a death so, you know, small mercies.

We're all tightening our belts, sure, but shampoo is still on the shopping list, thanks. [TONY]

Billionaire financier George Soros turns 78 today. Hope there's a big party planned (with plenty of champagne on hand for Alex.) Also celebrating today: Evelyn Lauder, philanthropist, socialite, and the wife of Leonard, celebrates her 72nd. Civil rights lawyer Donna Lieberman is 60. Harper's editor Roger Hodge will be 41. Screenwriter William Goldman is 77. Casey Affleck is 33. Football star Plaxico Burress turns 31. Publishing heir Robert Ziff is 42. Jeffrey Beers, the restaurant designer behind China Grill and Japonais, turns 52. Nina Zagat celebrates her 66th today. And both Pete Sampras and actress Rebecca Gayheart are turning 37.

• Guests at a Bridgehampton benefit thrown by Gwyneth Paltrow were upset they couldn't mingle with their A-list host on Saturday night, since she was sequestered inside the house and off-limits to partygoers. But the real reason she wasn't mingling with the crowd may have been because she ditched the party early to attend Mariah Carey's wedding bash at LA Reid's house. [R&M, Page Six, Fox411]

• Morgan Stanley has offered to buy back about $4.5 billion in auction-rate securities from clients, following a similar offer by Merrill Lynch last week. The move came after Attorney General Andrew Cuomo's office sent out another round of letters to banks, including Morgan Stanley, JPMorgan Chase, and Wachovia. [Bloomberg, WSJ]

Take a gander at the most expensive residential real estate purchase in history. An unnamed Russian billionaire is paying $748 million for Villa Leopolda on the French Riviera, acquiring the property from Lily Safra, the widow of Edmond Safra. What do you get for all that cash? In addition to everything else, you inherit a staff of 50 full-time gardeners. [NYP]

• Showbiz spawn Elettra Wiedemann Rossellini (left) and Dakota Johnson, along with nightlifer Leigh Lezark, are the new faces of Italian leather company Hogan. [Teen Vogue]

1) On Saturday night, Gwyneth Paltrow co-hosted "The Mane Event" to benefit Amaryllis Farm Equine Rescue with photographer Steven Klein at his West Kill Farm in Bridgehampton. Arden Wohl, Kiera Chaplin, Kelly Klein, Patrick McMullan, Sale Johnson, and Rory Tahari all made appearances, but hotly anticipated guest Madonna was a no show. [NYO/PMc]

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise boarding a helicopter ... Ed Westwick and Blake Lively shooting a Gossip Girl scene in Brooklyn Heights ... Lipstick Jungle star Paul Blackthorne riding a bike in the Village ... Kristen Johnson walking through the meatpacking district ... Al Pacino eating lunch in the Village ... Tim Robbins playing roller hockey in Greenwich Village ... Cynthia Nixon chatting on her cell phone in the Hamptons ... Sam Waterston posing with his son James outside a Broadway theater ... Liv Tyler leaving her apartment in the West Village ... and Keri Russell taking a jog in the rain.

• How does Martha Stewart plan to exploit her library of archival content? She's tapped her daughter, Alexis, and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt to host Whatever, Martha!, which will involve mocking (gently, we imagine) Martha's retro recommendations. [NYT]

New York has plenty of creepy theme restaurants—take Hawaiian TropicZone, for example—but it could always be worse! How about the place in Tokyo that sells sushi that resembles human flesh? Or Modern Toilet in Taipei where you eat out of miniature toilet bowls? Caution: You may not want to read about these places if you're eating. [Weburbanist, via Coudal]

• Jean-Georges Vongerichten is a partner in a new pizza venture by Sullivan Street Bakery's Jim Leahey. [Gail Greene]