Just how bad is the global financial crisis? So bad that while many bistros and brasseries in Paris are now being forced to close their doors, McDonald's is expecting a 12 percent bump in sales this year. [Bloomberg]

Press-obsessed divorce attorney Raoul Felder has found a clever way to stay in the spotlight in these turbulent economic times: He's suing the money management firm AllianceBernstein for $5 million for losing $200,000 he invested in a hedge fund based on AllianceBernstein's advice. It's been a few years since the 74-year-old attorney has been the center of the spotlight. (His most notable clients in recent years: Rudy Giuliani in his divorce from Donna Hanover, and David Gest in his split from Liza Minnelli. Until, that is, Gest fired him for overdoing it with the press.) But Felder seems to have figured out a great way to take center-stage amid the financial crisis: Sue the firm that managed your portfolio for 25 times what you lost, and then give a dozen interviews about how the system is corrupt and you're just standing up for the little man.

♦ The Limelight can be yours for a mere $60 million if you happen to be looking to buy a club and/or a church. [GS]
♦ APT has been shut down for "criminal sale or possession of controlled substances or marijuana." [Eater]
♦ Top Chef runner-up Dave Martin has bid goodbye to Crave on 42nd. [Feedbag]
♦ Lovely Day on Elizabeth Street was shuttered following a fire. [Eater]
♦ You missed it: Ivanka Trump was handing out microwavable meals on the street today. [MidtownLunch]

CNBC reports that Merrill Lynch sent 500 people packing today, and a total of 10,000 people may ultimately lose their jobs after the firm merges with Bank of America. [Clusterstock]

If you've made a committment to live a greener lifestyle, but you just don't know where to begin, perhaps you can take a cue from MTV's new ad campaign: The spot for water conservation features man, women and kids urinating in public throughout London. The ad campaign is only airing in Europe at the moment, but we look forward to a US version in the near future, if only to watch Bill O'Reilly turn it into a talking point about how America's youth has gone amok. The video is after the jump.

♦ The Rachel Maddow publicity machine rolls on (not that we mind, of course): According to today's Times, she's a "fresh face," MSNBC execs adore her, and her show's ratings have defied all expectations. [NYT]
♦ For reasons we will never understand, Fox & Friends is now more popular than CNN's American Morning and MSNBC's Morning Joe combined. [LAT]
♦ Sarah Palin will sit down with Brian Williams tomorrow. [TVNewser]

After inexplicably deciding that the attention she'll get from becoming a castmember of the Real Housewives of New York is worth it, Kelly Killoren Bensimon—ex-wife of ancient photog Gilles Bensimon, former Elle staffer and current Page Six Magazine columnist—is now going to milk it while doing her best to convey that she's infinitely superior to her castmates, who don't even get invited to Fashion Week, by the way. At a party for her new jewelry line, Kelly shared her opinion of LuAnn, Jill and the rest of the gang with the Observer, and let's just say that if she's as good at designing jewelry as she is at damning with passive aggressive faint praise, she won't need to appear on crappy reality TV for more than one season!

Jim Cramer is apologizing once again. No, not for recommending Bear Stearns days before its collapse, or suggesting investors buy stock in Wachovia just days before it took a tumble, too. He's saying sorry to the 115,000 AIG employees he insulted late last week, comments that led AIG's CEO to fire off a nasty letter to Cramer yesterday. [BusinessSheet]

Car Toast-a-Thon: Crazy '80s Close in on One Hanson [Curbed]

Alex Rodriguez walking in Midtown with Guy Oseary ... Madonna with kids Rocco and Lourdes on a trip to Chelsea Piers ... Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens standing outside the GMA studios ... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on their way to a cocktail party for All My Sons ... The Hanson brothers hanging out in Times Square for some sort of PR stunt ... Jason Schwartzman and Olivia Thirlby on the set of their new film, Bored to Death ... The cast of Gossip Girl standing on set ... Anna Wintour, Vera Wang, Tory Burch, Donna Karan, and many others walking into the Golden Heart Awards Dinner ... and a long list of notables entering last night's Whitney gala, including the host of the event, Donatella Versace.

The financial crisis is having some unexpected effects on the American people, but now things are getting disturbing: Instead of doing the sensible thing and searching for answers at the bottom of a glass, people are turning to reading, of all things. Both Borders and Amazon, reports Reuters, continue to see a trend towards finance books "from biographies of key players to books about past financial crises."

Rep. Vito Fossella was convicted of driving under the influence in a Virginia courtroom last week. This came after Fossella's attorney offered up a rather novel defense: the congressman wasn't really drunk, he'd just used a lot of hand sanitizer that day, and it was all that goo that was responsible for his blood-alcohol level testing above the legal limit. Fortunately, Slate has the answer to the big question that has been looming ever since: No, it turns out, rubbing your hands with Purell every other minute of the day will not get you drunk. Although considering it's 120-proof, chugging it certainly will. [Slate]

A couple of weeks ago, Michael Bloomberg's bid to change term limit laws was going rather smoothy. He'd managed to sweet talk Ronald Lauder into not opposing the measure, members of the City Council appeared to be on board with the plan, and New Yorkers were generally supportive. Now? Not so much. Not only did he spark a scandal over his charity donations and is now facing off against another billionaire with an agenda, public opinion has officially turned against him, too: A poll by Quinnipiac University found that 51 percent of New Yorkers are now opposed to his bid to extend term limits, up from 42% two weeks ago. Bloomberg isn't expected to abandon his bid to remain in City Hall for another four years. But it also isn't too late to endorse Obama, campaign like hell for him over the course of the next two weeks, and pray that a cabinet position will become available when Obama takes office in January!

Will beleaguered bankers become a victimized group, ostracized and pushed to the fringes of society? Very possibly! As Time points out today, "people are angry and looking for someone to blame, and the banks and their employees are natural targets." Yesterday's Masters of the Universe, observes psychologist Dr. Peter Jenkin Morgan, now don't want to admit what their job is—or was—because they've "been placed in that second-hand car salesman category." Ouch!

♦ Mariska Hargitay has sold her Flatiron penthouse for $8.15 million. The buyers are real estate investors Ewa and Maurice Laboz. [NYO]
♦ Bank of America exec Ciaran O'Kelly, who paid $17 million for a 12,800-square-foot converted warehouse in the West Village this past July, has sold his previous apartment. The co-head of global equities for BoA unloaded the pad at 102 Wooster Street for $5.375 million. [Cityfile]

If you're still mourning the passing of the New York Sun, here's your chance to indulge in a bit of nostalgia: a (very tragic) denim Sun jacket is up for auction on Ebay for $9.99. [Ebay]

If golddiggers of all persuasions are having a tougher time right now, that includes fictional ones like Janey Wilcox, the Victoria's Secret model whose pursuit of a very rich husband forms the story of Candace Bushnell's novel Trading Up. The book was in the process of being adapted into a Lifetime movie but suddenly, rues a network exec to the Times, "it was like the script had been written two years ago." Talking animals, however, are doing great: Beverly Hills Chihuahua has been killing it at the box office, which Hollywood studios will likely take as proof that audiences want anything but reality right now—as tempting as it might be to rush out films featuring villainous businessmen.

Two role models to women everywhere are celebrating birthdays today: The feisty Judith Sheindlin (that's Judge Judy to you) is 66. The very modest reality TV personality and sex tape star Kim Kardashian is celebrating her 28th birthday today. Others with a birthday cake in their immediate futures: Marci Klein, Lorne Michaels' right-hand at SNL (and the daughter of Calvin) is 42. Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy is 56. Jade Jagger—socialite, jewelery designer, and offspring of Mick and Bianca—is turning 37. Indie film producer Jason Kliot is 45. Actress Carrie Fisher is 52. And former Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu is 59.

Bill O'Reilly cares really, really deeply about the little people, especially the unfortunate folks who have lost their homes during the mortgage meltdown. That's why he says he now plans to track down the perpetrators of these outrageous crimes "one by one." Last night's target: Former Merrill Lynch CEO Stan O'Neal, who was evidently leaving his apartment building on Park Avenue when an O'Reilly operative ambushed him and trailed him a few blocks, all the while asking him questions about the $161 million he made last year and whether or not he felt bad for Merrill investors and employees. O'Neal kept his mouth shut the entire time, which didn't exactly make for thrilling television. Hopefully the lack of drama won't deter O'Reilly hooligans from camping outside Dick Fuld's house in Greenwich or bumrushing Jimmy Cayne at his weekly bridge game.

♦ Who's helping Madonna cope with her nasty, public divorce from Guy Ritchie? Best pal Gwyneth Paltrow, of course. "You know, she's a dear friend, and I'm supporting her in all [the] ways that I can... she's a very good friend." [Us, AP]
♦ In other Madonna news, Guy Ritchie now believes Madonna is spying on him, Madonna is now suggesting she wants to raise her kids in NYC, and Alex Rodriguez wants to move so he can be closer to the love of his life. [The Sun, People, R&M]
♦ Least plausible rumor ever: "Well placed sources" say that if Obama is elected president, he'll consider making Oprah British Ambassador. [TMZ]