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Rep. Vito Fossella was convicted of driving under the influence in a Virginia courtroom last week. This came after Fossella's attorney offered up a rather novel defense: the congressman wasn't really drunk, he'd just used a lot of hand sanitizer that day, and it was all that goo that was responsible for his blood-alcohol level testing above the legal limit. Fortunately, Slate has the answer to the big question that has been looming ever since: No, it turns out, rubbing your hands with Purell every other minute of the day will not get you drunk. Although considering it's 120-proof, chugging it certainly will. [Slate]