De Niro's Film Materials Collection Opens at Ransom Center [Univ of Texas]
You Touchin' My Stuff? De Niro Files Available [NYT]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt just got married and they're currently on what they're calling their "pre-honeymoon" in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Of course, that also happens to be prime swine flu territory at the moment, which is why they explained to Ryan Seacrest this morning that they're "wearing face masks" everywhere they go. "We're in isolation, we're in full hiding," said Pratt. If they're wearing facemasks and yet they're also in total isolation, does that mean they're just sitting around in their hotel suite with a thin layer of gauze covering their mouths? And is there any way to ensure that the masks remain there, like, permanently? You see, this swine flu may not be half as bad as you thought! [People via Daily Intel]

We're going to venture to say that if you actually paid $3 for one of these "Laid Off, Need a Job" wristbands, you probably have bigger life issues to concern yourself with than the fact you currently happen to be unemployed. [men.style.com]

Marc Dreier, the prostitute-loving disgraced lawyer accused of bilking investors out of hundreds of millions dollars, will plead guilty on May 11 to money laundering, according to his lawyer, Gerald Shargel. The saddest thing for Dreier? Once he does so, he'll have to say goodbye to this place. Can we interest you in a spectacular apartment in One Beacon Court, by any chance? [WSJ]

• William Morris and Endeavor have agreed to merge the two agencies. The new company will be called William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, or WME, which should not be confused with WWE, or World Wrestling Entertainment, although the testosterone and aggression levels are comparable. [WSJ, NYT]
• Is the New York Times Co. putting the radio station WQXR up for sale? [P6]
• David Hunke, who had been publisher of the Detroit Free Press, is the new president and publisher of USA Today. [PaidContent]
• The New York Sun is back! Sort of. [NYSun via Gawker]
• More coverage/ analysis of Portfolio's closing, if you're up for it. [NYT, TDB]

Parlor Steakhouse on the Upper East Side earned a middling review when Frank Bruni of the New York Times paid a visit last October. He came way reasonably pleased with the service, though, including the "friendly hostesses," and "prompt waiter." But that may be because he didn't come across a waiter by the name of Hugh Loeser. Parlor is the latest in a very, very, very long line of restaurants to find itself sued by an employee for paying less than the minimum wage and for pooling tips. You can take a gander at Loeser's lawsuit after the jump.

Do you love stories of high society intrigue, but can't stand young people? Then the Brooke Astor case has everything you need: Famous New York Families! Money! And best of all, criminal old people!

President Obama apologized today for that low flight over Manhattan by a Boeing 747 yesterday that had so many people panicked that a terrorist attack was underway. "It was a mistake... It will not happen again," he said before a meeting at FBI headquarters in Washington this morning. We certainly hope it doesn't! The flight wasn't part of some secret mission to keep the city safe. "Sources said the reason for the stunt was to create souvenir pictures of a customized Boeing 747, which serves as Air Force One when the president is aboard. Photos of the plane flying over the Statue of Liberty were to be given out to family, friends or supporters." [NYDN]

It's no fun being a fashion reporter right now. Glossy mag circulations are dwindling, advertisers are jumping ship in droves, and you're likely to be humiliated in front of a TV camera at a moment's notice. But most challenging of all? You still have to somehow write about buying pretty things, despite the fact that no one is shopping anymore. So kudos to former Journal reporter Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan, who has gone beyond the played-out cheap chic and recessionista articles to identify a new species of shopper: women whose compulsive need to shop is actually exacerbated by the current economic climate.

Kate Hudson walking in Soho with friends ... Anne Hathaway leaving the Apple store in Soho with boyfriend Adam Shulman ... Zoe Kravitz and Chace Crawford going to lunch together ... Angelina Jolie filming scenes for Salt in a subway station ... Jeremy Irons sitting on a motorcycle in Midtown ... Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick leaving their Village townhouse ... Alexis Bledel getting in a car outside the Tribeca Film Festival ... Mary-Kate Olsen walking in Soho ... Madonna leaving the Kabbalah Center on East 48th Street with daughter Lourdes ... Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman kissing on the set of The Baster in Midtown... and Kim Kardashian leaving the Waverly Inn and sitting with Russell Simmons in the backseat of his Maybach.

If Michelle Obama could be forgiven for feeling a little competitive toward France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, especially when it comes to matters of fashion and all-round feminine allure, we think it's safe to say that this morning, Michelle will be feeling glad that her vanity, as far as we know, stops short of making sex tapes. Yes, a burglar has stolen a cache of "highly intimate" videos and photographs featuring Carla with her ex-boyfriend/baby daddy Raphaël Enthoven (who, for those who like to keep track of European affairs, she stole from his then-wife, novelist Justine Levy, whose father, philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy, is reportedly winning the heart of wealthy fashion plate Daphne Guinness away from Andre Balazs). Police in Paris are hoping to catch the thief before any images hit the web; the web, obviously, hopes the opposite.

The good news is that gun homicides were down in New York City last year, according to the NYPD. The bad news is that knife deaths were up. So either the city's criminals no longer have firearms because they've been trading them in for $200 Chase gift cards, or our miscreants can no longer afford to buy post-industrial age weapons. Either way, it's kinda unsettling! [NYP]

• Daily Show executive producer David Javerbaum and his wife Debra have gone into contract to sell their two-bedroom apartment at 144 West 18th Street. The Emmy-accessorized, third-floor spread, which went on the market for $1.9 million last July and has since undergone three price cuts, was most recently listed at $1.55 million. [Cityfile, Core]
• Media investor Michael Chambers, a son of Raymond Chambers, the co-founder of Wesray Capital and a former owner of the Nets, has paid $2.75 million for a two-bedroom loft at 140 Thompson Street. [Cityfile]
• After more than a year on the market, fashion designer Adrienne Vittadini has finally sold her 4,500-square-foot house in Water Mill. The five-bedroom home, which Vittadini listed for $7.6 million in 2007 and later dropped to $6.495 million in 2008, sold for $5 million. [Newsday]

Penelope Cruz turns 35 today. Jay Leno is turning 59. Jessica Alba is 28. Former Secretary of State Jim Baker turns 79. Famed chef Alice Waters is 65. Author Harper Lee is 83. Actress Bridget Moynahan turns 38. Ann-Marget is turning 68. Wooster Group director Elizabeth LeCompte is 65. Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon is turning 56. Famed defense attorney Ted Wells is turning 59. Golfer John Daly is 43. And the rapper Too Short turns 43 today.

• Jesus Luz isn't making many friends with his fellow male models. At an event last week, the other models in the room were "gossiping like catty girls" about his "big, swollen head," and bitching that he's only booking work because of his relationship with Madonna. Really, you think? [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan flew to Maui with her sister and mom, where she's been spotted tanning and shopping at Gucci and Louis Vuitton. So everything is pretty much back to normal. [NYDN, Us]
• Samantha Ronson changed her Facebook relationship status to "Married," whatever that's worth. [Sun]
• Good news for the handful of remaining Sex and the City fans out there: Sarah Jessica Parker says Chris Noth has finally signed on to do the sequel. [E!]

Swine Flu Found In NYC Office [CBS News]

• Not such good news for Bank of America and Citigroup this morning: It looks like both have come up short on the so-called stress tests conducted by regulators and may be forced to raise billions in additional capital. [WSJ]
• Will Ken Lewis hang on as Bank of America's CEO when shareholders meet this week at the bank's annual meeting? It's a toss-up at the moment. [NYT]
• The Justice Department is investigating three AIG execs for committing securities fraud and a range of other financial crimes. [CBS News]
• The SEC is investigating 150 hedge funds, including various "Ponzi schemes and misappropriations," according to the agency's chief Mary Schapiro. [DB]
• Not such a hot idea: Mary Schapiro says she's now Twittering. [LAT]

• Salma Hayek wore a lovely gown by Balenciaga for her wedding to François-Henri Pinault, an entirely appropriate choice given Pinault's PPR happens to own Balenciaga. [Vogue UK, NYDN]
• Diane von Furstenberg says she's absolutely "mortified" that one of her jackets resembles an item designed by the Canadian label Mercy. A full investigation is underway, however. [WWD]
• "Washington, D.C., is the new New York," or so says Vogue's Billy Norwich. [Style.com]
• Sad, possibly true: "The client most crucial to luxury goods purveyors is no longer a Rockefeller but a Real Housewife of New York." [NYT]
• If your boyfriend/husband's birthday is coming up, be advised that Barneys is having a massive menswear sale next Monday. [Racked]

• How do restaurants make ends meet during a recession? By charging for things that used to be free, like tap water and bread and butter. [NYP]
• A peek at what will be on the menu when Table 8 debuts on May 6. [GS]
• Griffin opens this Thursday in the former PM space on Gansevoort St. [UD]
• The lineup for the New York Wine & Food Festival has been revealed. [Eater]
• New York's Adam Platt has lots of praise for Minetta Tavern this week. [NYM]
• Noah Tepperberg and Jason Strauss are opening Avenue on 10th Avenue in a few days. Danny A is a partner; Wass Stevens will tend to the door. [P6]
• NYC's first-ever Baja Fresh opens at 465 Lexington Ave in two weeks. [NRN]

So everyone is talking about the swine flu and thousands of New Yorkers feared for their lives this morning when a plane circled around Lower Manhattan. One thing that will only serve you frighten you more: Paris Hilton is preparing to roll out her ninth perfume next month, and her "fragrance empire" rakes in an estimated $200 million a year. And if you're thinking that having nine different perfumes on the market might mean she's totally saturated the market, well, think again. She just signed a new five-year contract with the fragrance giant Parlux, and should have a total of 13 perfumes on the market by 2014. Unless Mother Nature intervenes and we all get swine flu and all die, of course. [NYDN]