Disgraced lawyer Marc Dreier pleaded guilty yesterday to a long list of charges and he may face life in prison when he's sentenced on July 13. In the meantime, though, it's time to celebrate! Today is Dreier's 59th birthday, and not even the prospect of spending the rest of his life in the clink can take that away from him. Even better: The judge allowed him to return to his massive Midtown apartment last night, where he's under house arrest and watched over by guards who cost Dreier $23,000 a month.

If you're planning a wild weekend in London in the near future, you may not want to indulge in any casual drug use while you're there. Not only has the price of cocaine skyrocketed in Europe in recent months, it's also the least pure it's been in years, as drug dealers stretch their supplies by mixing in the cancer-causing drug phenacetin, cockroach insecticide, and "pet worming powder." On the flip side, this means swarms of Eurotrash will continue to make New York City home to their coke-fueled escapades. But at least our drug dealers won't need a government bailout and that's good news, right? [BBC]

Roberto Cavalli spent the weekend "dancing in the desert" in Dubai. Why? The permatanned Italian just opened what he calls "the first designer club in the Middle East," that's why. The Cavalli Club, which cost $30 million to construct, includes an "opulent" Italian restaurant, sushi bar, and nightclub, and features "floors made of black quartz, 20-foot-high ceilings dripping with Swarovski crystals and furnishings in his trademark animal prints." The launch also seems to coincide with a new life philosophy. A month ago, he told a reporter he was actually kind of happy that the world was in the middle of a recession, since "too many people were making too much money." Now? He wants to "give a sign of optimism for the future." Consider the message received. [WWD]

Gary Reback worked at Bear Stearns until the bank crumbled last year and, like thousands of others, he was laid off. Yesterday, Reback filed a lawsuit against the firm and the bank that acquired Bear Stearns, JPMorgan Chase, for denying him the $2 million bonus and $1.1 million severance package he insists he's entitled to. The unusual suit didn't earn him much sympathy from the press. (The first sentence of a Post article called him a "bonus crybaby".) But clearly times are tough for Reback.

Uma Thurman on a school field trip with son Levon and his classmates ... Brooke Shields getting out of a cab with her mom and daughter ... Justin Timberlake going to lunch at Bubby's ... Hugh Jackman jogging to a playground with daughter Ava ... Regis Philbin walking into ABC studios ... Jerry Seinfeld filming a commercial on Long Island ... David Schwimmer and girlfriend Zoe Buckman holding hands in the West Village ... Kelly Bensimon getting in a taxi outside a screening ... Geoffrey Rush walking around in Midtown ... Jennifer Aniston getting out of an SUV ... director Phillip Noyce leaving lunch with his wife and baby ... and Kieifer Sutherland walking in the West Village.

Kelly Bensimon hasn't signed up to do another season of the Real Housewives of New York yet. But she'd like to! (The cash, we imagine, might come in handy, especially since she's having a bit of trouble unloading her house in the Hamptons.) "It was a really, really fun process," she tells People today before explaining that joining the cast this year was a bit like "diving" into a "shark tank." (Shark tanks are "fun" in Kelly's world, apparently.) As for what you can expect to see if Kelly returns to the show next year, she tells the mag that she wants people "to see the real Kelly." The real Kelly? Does this mean actual physical violence will be involved? Here's hoping! [People]

Bernie Madoff was kicked out of the Palm Beach Country Club a couple of months ago, as we first reported. Now it looks like the Walter and Monica Noel are facing the same sort of rejection. A tipster tells Guest of a Guest that the disgraced family has been booted from Greenwich's Round Hill Club. Update here. [GoaG]

• Tim Grumbacher, the executive chairman and former CEO of Bon-Ton department stores, and his wife Nancy have finally managed to unload their co-op at 1133 Fifth Avenue, albeit at a loss. The couple purchased the three-bedroom apartment for $10.9 million in 2006 and first listed for $19.5 million last May, later dropping the price on three occasions. Now it's been sold for less than they paid for it: Matthew and Julie Richardson picked it up for $10.25 million. [Cityfile]
• The townhouse at 11 East 74th Street, which has undergone five price cuts since it was first listed for $25 million in 2007 (and was going up for auction this week), has been pulled off the market now that its owners have accepted an offer on the manse. [NYO]

Spotlight-seeking architect Daniel Libeskind turns 63 today. The one and only Yogi Berra is turning 84. Actor Gabriel Byrne is 59. Painter Frank Stella is turning 73. Skateboarding king Tony Hawk is 41. Former Clinton advisor (and now cable commentator) Paul Begala is turning 48. The man who heads up homeland security for the state, Michael Balboni, is 50. Literary agent Amy Berkower is turning 55. Stephen Baldwin is 43. Actor Jason Biggs is 31. Emilio Estevez is 47. Composer Burt Bacharach is turning 81. Actress Samantha Mathis is turning 39. And Kim Fields, who will forever be known as Tootie from the The Facts of Life, is celebrating her 40th.

Accessories Make the (Naked) Man [Getty Images Blog]

• Bank of America sold off a $7.3 billion stake in China Construction Bank as it seeks to raise cash. Good news: only $26.6 billion to go! [DB]
• Andrew Cuomo is expected to announce that Hank Morris has pleaded guilty in the pension fund probe and will be cooperating with the investigation. [WSJ]
• Citigroup has lent out the same amount it's taken from Washington ($45 billion), a sign that Vikram may have a heart, after all. [AP, Dealbreaker]
• AIG's Ed Liddy will defend his company's rep in front of a Congressional panel today. At the very least, he can report the busted insurance giant is $1.2 billion richer now that it's sold off its Tokyo headquarters. [WSJ, DB]

• Michelle Obama wore a magenta Michael Kors dress to the White House Correspondents' dinner on Saturday, in case you were curious. Even more exciting: Donatella Versace penned her first blog post from the event. [WWD, NYM, HuffPo]
• Rachel Zoe has a line of accessories for QVC that will debut this fall. [WWD]
• Carine Roitfeld is not a nymphomaniac, nor does she insist on weighing the staff of French Vogue daily, you'll be relieved to hear. [Fashionologie]
• Abercrombie & Fitch is opening another store on Fifth. The retailer is taking over Hickey Freeman's flagship to open a kids store. [Racked]

• A roundups of restaurants opening this week. [NYM, Eater]
• Scuderia, Silvano Marchetto's two-month-old restaurant, has ditched its chef, Claudio Cristofoli, after a handful of not-so-good reviews. [GS]
• Not much has changed at Soho's Delicatessen, reports The New Yorker: "If Topshop were a restaurant, it would be this restaurant. [NYer]
• Daniel Boulud's DBGB Kitchen & Bar opens to the public in early June. The décor? The shelves feature old copper pots donated by famous chefs. [GS]
• Dylan Lauren's candy store opened in a pop-up space inside a Hong Kong shoe store this week. A permanent location may be forthcoming. [WWD]
• Mix Shake Stir, a cocktail book (obviously) dedicated to concoctions served up at Danny Meyer's restaurants, was published today. [EMD]

Katy Tur, the 25-year-old girlfriend of Keith Olbermann, has a new job! She's now "chasing tornadoes as part of The Weather Channel's Vortex2 team." (You can see a clip of her doing just that here.) When Tur landed her last TV reporting gig in 2008—her first in the industry despite precious little experience—it was rumored that the MSNBC host had helped her land the job.

Marc Dreier, the prostitute-loving attorney accused of bilking investors out of more than $400 million, will be giving up his luxury prison: The disgraced lawyer pleaded guilty this afternoon to conspiracy, securities fraud, money laundering and five counts of wire fraud. He faces up to 20 years on each count of securities fraud, and prosecutors have indicated they plan to ask for a life sentence. Either way, his habit of wrapping his arms around much larger black men should continue to many years to come. [WSJ]

The Real Housewives Ring The Opening Bell [NYSE via Daily Intel]
Shares Fall Along With Confidence [NYT]

It's hard to cheer someone up who recently lost his or her job on account of the economic downturn. Perhaps a few stories of rich, famous people who lost their jobs once upon time will help? Okay, perhaps not, but it is nice to see that Jerry Seinfeld's dismissal as a mail boy on the set of Benson in 1981 is being used to lift the spirits of a nation. [WSJ]

Congrats to JPMorgan Chase chief Jamie Dimon: He's now in possession of what may very well be the tackiest home in New York. A Brooklyn judge has given JPMorgan the go-ahead to foreclose on the Old Westbury home of Victoria Gotti, the gaudy home that the Mob princess has been trying to sell for many months now. It turns out Gotti hasn't paid her mortgage since September 2006, and she's in debt to JPMorgan to the tune of $650,000. Now that the bank has prevailed in court, it will be able to displace Gotti and her boys and sell off the estate at auction. And what an estate it is! In addition to a five-bedroom house with giant white columns in front, the property comes with a pool with waterfall, tennis court, and gazebo with pond, and copious amounts of gold plating that we're sure will eventually make its way to Dimon's Park Avenue apartment. After the jump, the judge's order as well as a pic of the new pink-and-gold bathroom that is now firmly in Jamie's manicured, lotioned hands. Oh, and in case you're wondering if it's wise for Dimon to be going up against a family with such a notorious past, you can relax. He's done battle with worse.

Natalie Portman closed on the sale of her Charles Street condo a few months ago. And if you're prepared to believe what the Star is reporting this week, she's currently getting it on with a newly single Sean Penn. If in fact she is dating Penn, she won't have to travel quite as far to see her new beau: She's agreed to pay $3.25 million for a four-bedroom "mini-mansion" in the Los Feliz section of Los Angeles. [Real Estalker]