Last week, a billboard touting Wodka brand vodka's winning combination of "Christmas Quality" and "Hanukkah Pricing" appeared over Manhattan, only to be taken down less than 24 hours later. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert went the unexpected route and actually decried the advertisement's offensiveness—but not for the reasons you'd expect.
Christmastime is here — the most wonderful time of the fourth-quarter of the year! String up the lights! Set up the Robot Santa! Invite your third grade students to your house to trim your tree, and make them wear bras and panties, and videotape them doing it! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Do NOT do that. Definitely do not do that.
What Christmas has been missing, I think, is guns. Right? The Gospel of Luke is cute, I guess, but it's kind of, you know, "not enough guns." Luckily, that is a problem that the state of Arizona is uniquely suited to rectify. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: "Santa and Machine Guns."
first shot in the annual War on Christmas has been fired, and it's not a pretty one: part of a $1,600 Christmas display was stolen from a California home early Tuesday morning. Secularism strikes again!
Clown-hued shriek monster Gretchen Carlson was on tonight's Factor, where she and Bill O'Reilly battled each other for the title of commander-in-chief of the war on the secular War on Christmas. "Just this week, Santa was thrown out of a cancer center in South Carolina. Santa!" said Carlson, apparently unaware of the fact that Santa isn't in the Bible. Then O'Reilly said he would take down companies who ban their employees from saying "Merry Christmas," because JESUS. A clip of the segment is above.
It's getting to be that time of the year, folks! You know what I'm talking about: that time of the year when love and peace fill the atmosphere, the scent of pine and eggnog permeates the air, and 44-year-old men, high on bath salts, walk into your home and put up your Christmas decorations.
Visitors to the Drudge Report Tuesday evening were treated to the headline, "OBAMA'S NEW 'CHRISTMAS TREE TAX,'" accompanied by a photo of what would appear to be the president freezing a child solid with his Jack Frost breath so he could snatch away her tower of Legos. As breathlessly relayed in festering Fox News subsidiary Fox Nation, it's a chilling tale of a Commander in Grinch and his plans to steal Christmas via the levying of a tax on all Yuletide shrubberies. Why? Because he hates Christians, of course. (It might stem from the fact that Christmas always overshadows Kwanzaadan, and the seasonal magic of its ceremonial goat raffle.)
Here we are, two months into the Christmas shopping season. Have you finished? No, because you didn't start in September like you were supposed to. Well, not to worry; corporate America is doing everything in its power to make you feel guilty about your laziness and poverty of ideas as well as money for several more hours, this holiday season.
Before she brings a pack of rabid girls and gays to Times Square for New Year's Eve, Lady Gaga is going to force us all to sit through her Thanksgiving special, A Very Gaga Thanksgiving, on ABC. She'll performs her songs, do an interview with Katie Couric and talk about Christmas. Wait, is this a Christmas special in disguise? That holiday starts earlier every damn year.
Santa came early this year and dumped this video clip onto the internet. It is Justin Bieber, smooth-cheeked troubadour of your niece's (or nephew's!) dreams, singing a song called "Mistletoe" from his soon-to-drop (like other things) Christmas album.
Tech overenthusiast Robert Scoble knows which toy will be hot with geeks this holiday season: robotic balls you control with your iPhone. They're surprisingly hypnotic!
We hope that you got all that you wanted this Christmas because clearly this guy did.
While your kids got a Nintendo Wii, this boy got flags. Yes, flags. He has the presence of mind to pronounce them with the same ceremonious vigor. Obscure flags, all correct. Just wait for "Central African Republic."
