We know how it is on the morning of the 25th, when you tear into your packages, there is always at least one crushing disappointment. "How could someone buy this for me?!" Well, we're going to let you turn those awful presents into cash!
Carp Christmas! Nanophotonic Christmas! Fire Christmas! Pepper Christmas! Vitamin Christmas! Gene Christmas! Campus Christmas! Computer Christmas! And the all important Christmas Christmas! It's your Christmas Science Watch, where we watch science—it's almost Christmas!
Happy Hanukkah, to one and all! Sorry — I mean happy holidays. Actually, no I don't. I mean Happy Hanukkah! Let your Heeb flag fly! Gorge on gelt! Lose it on latkes! Spin a dreidel once, watch it fall over, get bored, and go open a present! Hanukkah comes but once a year, and lasts a fleeting eight nights, so best to enjoy it while it's here. The annual lighting of the National Menorah took place on the White House Ellipse on Tuesday evening, with first-night torchbearing duties bestowed upon none other than Director of the United States Office of Management and Budget, Jacob J. Lew. Way to count those pennies for America, Jacob Jew! I mean Lew! I mean — wait, that came out totally wrong. Wow, would you look at that gigantic menorah! That's one big menorah. Don't think I've ever seen one that big. Yup. Real big ceremonial candelabra they're oilin' up over there. Real big. [Washington Post, Photo via AP]
Holiday downer time! A couple in their 70s had their vacation cut short when the wife died in the car, somewhere around Pasco, Washington. The husband made the decision to turn the vehicle around and drive back home to attend to his wife's burial. But home was 225 miles north, across the Canada-U.S. border, in Oliver, B.C.
Are there any more promising words in gossip journalism than "In Touch Weekly got a hold of"? At the bottom of the tabloid pecking order, the primary documents In Touch "gets a hold of" tend to be spectacularly bad. But baby, In Touch will work what it's got, and for that I salute it. Their latest exclusive (as summarized by a Hollyscoop video) is about world's youngest sulking starlet Suri Cruise:
Right now everyone is scurrying around and throwing elbows trying to get their last minute Christmas shopping done at an overcrowded mall. But what happens when you get all your gifts home? You have to make sure the packages look just as good as what's inside. Here are some simple tricks to wrap the perfect present.
Hark! Ye harbingers of consumer doom, the Kardashians, have released their 2011 Christmas card. Whereas last year's yuletide feat of airbrushed uncanny put viewers in a trance state, this year's card will make you go, "A-woooo-gah!" while pumping 3-D glasses back and forth in the airspace in front of your face. (Like so.) This year's KardashiKard comes three dimensions, you see. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]
From "holiday trees" in state capitols to store greeters saying "Happy Holidays" to mall Santas asked to lower kids' expectations, Stephen Colbert has been shocked and appalled by the War on Christmas. But thankfully all is not lost because the Scottsdale Gun Club, of Scottsdale, AZ, is having people take pictures with Santa and their choice of gun. Santa, guns and your family, isn't that what Christmas, nay America, is really about?
Christmas is probably my favorite time of the year. There are so many great things about it: candy canes, presents, family togetherness, days off work, drunken holiday parties, crappy Christmas movies on ABC Family, Rudolph! What's not to love? Actually there are a handful of things not to love, and here they are.
There is nothing worse than a Toys GRRRRR Us during Christmas, am I right? The only thing worse is when there is some lunatic in the store trying to slash people to bits with a light saber. We're lucky someone didn't get Darth Mauled. HA! Nerd jokes. I kill myself.
If you're wondering why the Mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, chose for his annual Christmas card to pose his family next to a leopard slaughtering a gazelle, you are not alone. There are several theories floating about: The official line is that Jorge Santini wanted to promote the San Juan Wildlife Museum and its breathtaking taxidermy displays to rival anything in the Caribbean. (There are two alternate cards, one involving penguins, the other a bear and wild turkey.) A second theory is that Santini is sending a not-so-veiled message to his political rivals in anticipation of this upcoming election year. But we're going to throw a third theory out there: The twisted little girl on the lower left is just into extreme Nativity Scenes. Run, Baby Jesus, run! [Daily Mail]
We've already offered you a selection of highly annoying gift ideas for the parent you'd like to drive slowly insane, but now we up the ante every so slightly: Here is our guide to toys that will inflict actual injury upon children you absolutely can't stand, free from worry of prosecution. (Conversely, you may actually want to avoid these toys, many of which have been identified by consumer watch lists as the most dangerous of 2011.)
Christmas is around the corner! Have you caught the Christmas spirit yet? No? Yeah, me neither. It's okay, though: we've collected the our favorite weird, gory, depressing and otherwise deeply creepy Christmas carols for your listening, um, enjoyment.
Germany—and, more importantly, Germany's Christmas spirit—is under attack by a man who dresses like Santa, but is, in fact—you guessed it—a Grinch. Of roofies.
