There's nothing funny about the allegations that Chris Brown may have attacked Rihanna, but at least the proceedings received a long-overdue dose of Hollywood lunacy over the past twenty-four hours.

The brutal Rihanna-Chris Brown spectacle got somehow worse, as did Miley Cyrus' racism scandal and the gossip about Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage. Must be Tuesday.

• Paris Hilton hasn't given up on her dream of musical superstardom. At a Grammy after-party on Sunday, she accosted Paul McCartney and asked him if he'd be interested in doing a duet with her. Paul politely explained that he didn't think he'd have the time. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow didn't join Chris Martin at any of the Grammy after-parties, so he found another chick to hang out with instead. [NYDN]
• The Chris Brown-Rihanna situation has taken a turn for the worse. Rihanna's injuries are reportedly "horrific," and include bite marks, facial contusions, and a bloody nose. Brown has hired attorney Mark Geragos to defend him. Both stars have cancelled upcoming appearances. And Brown's Doublemint gum ad has already been pulled. [People, TMZ, NYP]

A purported domestic abuser, famous, gets in trouble with the law. Soon, police are chasing a white car on TV. No wonder Los Angelenos thought Chris Brown was in this Bentley.

O, for the old days of last week, when threats were contained to on-set blowups and transformed into danceable mixes. Here are the latest, unsettling details on the Rihanna/Chris Brown case:

Questions are continuing to pile up in the Chris Brown/Rihanna dispute, including debate over whether there was a deadly weapon involved and speculation that a second felony charge could be coming down the pike.

Though the story that Chris Brown may have assaulted Rihanna over the weekend is dispiriting enough, in Hollywood, things can always get worse. Now, news is breaking about a new allegation.

• There was no shortage of drama at the Grammys last night. Chris Brown and Rihanna were both no-shows after Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting the R&B singer. Usher failed to appear, too, flying down to Brazil to be with his wife, who suffered complications from a plastic surgery operation. One person who did make it to the show was M.I.A., who performed on stage with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, T.I., and Kanye West despite being nine months pregnant. [NYP, People, EW]
• Courtenay Semel says she's been cut off by her dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, and is now trying to land a reality show to pay the bills. [NYP]
• Salman Rushdie's new girlfriend is Pia Glenn, who's 29 years his junior. [R&M]
• Peaches Geldof and rocker Max Drummey are said to be divorcing after just six months of marriage. [The Sun]

He never made it to the Grammy Awards stage, but Chris Brown's performance Sunday could become an example of how to wreck one's career in record time.

Ethan Hawke walking with wife Ryan Shawhughes and his three kids ... Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey getting out of their Maybach ... a cheery-looking James Franco holding a notebook and cup of coffee ... Diane Kruger hailing a cab ... Steven Tyler dressed in leopard pants outside the Trump International Hotel ... Bill Murray leaving a store with a woman ... Katie Holmes shopping with Suri and her parents ... Rihanna and Chris Brown catching a flight at LaGuardia ... Ashley Tisdale holding hands with her boyfriend at JFK ... and Amy Poehler, Cameron Diaz, and Casey Affleck heading into the SNL afterparty.

♦ Now that Madonna and Guy Ritchie have officially split, the focus is now on her relationship with Alex Rodriguez: Some say he knew that the separation announcement was coming, which is why he's been "lying low" in a five-star Beverly Hills hotel for the past few days. [Us, NYP, E!]
♦ How's Guy doing? Don't worry about him: He could walk away with as much as $250 mil. in a settlement since he and Madonna never had a prenup. [NYP]
♦ A sex tape starring Peter Cook and Diana Bianchi may be out there, although Cook's lawyers are still saying he has "no knowledge" it exists. [P6]
♦ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have officially split up. We're as shocked as you are [E!]
♦ Raffaello Follieri didn't just swindle adults. He also tricked a 15-year-old girl by promising to get her Anne Hathaway's autograph and then never coming though. Now she's suing him. [NYDN]

Oh look, it's a picture of bubblegum R&B singer Chris Brown shilling for the Wrigley corporation last night at a special event celebrating their secret plan to ruin all music forever and ever by turning it into undercover advertising. Here are some good brands of gum you may enjoy: Dentyne, Chiclets, Carefree, Ice Breakers, Stride, Trident, or Bubblicious. None of which are made by Wrigley! Every time you chew Doublemint, a pop artist gets wings and Tom Waits is stabbed with a fiery pencil right in his bellybutton. Boycott Wrigley for the sake of the children! [pic via Guest of aGuest]

Julianne Moore playing with her kids, Caleb and Liv, on the sidewalk outside Bar Pitti ... Chris Brown walking with his bodyguard in midtown ... Maroon 5's Adam Levine hopping out of his tour bus in SoHo ... Ed Westwick showing off some shiny purple pants on the set of Gossip Girl ... Matt Lauer walking home from work ... Jennifer Esposito riding her bike through the meatpacking district ... Marc Ecko checking out an art exhibition in SoHo ... Chris Noth filming an episode of Law & Order ... and James Franco and Pamela Anderson arriving at The Late Show.

Deep down in our hearts, where we keep our darkest fears hidden, we knew this day would come: the day when you find out after the fact that a hit song is actually an advertisement. Let the tears of rage flow. Chris Brown is not the vessel of true love that you thought! When the R&B star sang "We can go anywhere, go anywhere/ But first, it's your chance, take my hand, come with me," he wasn't talking to you, girl; he was talking to your Wrigley's Doublemint gum. But the company is only revealing its sponsorship after Brown's song, "Forever," had become a top-10 hit. We don't want to appear as if we invest the music of Chris Brown with any meaning whatsoever; but now would be an appropriate time to begin boycotting Wrigley, if you would like to have the option of listening to songs that aren't sponsored by mega-corporations in the coming decade.

Singer Chris Brown brought on a melee outside the "Today Show" this morning. The economy must be really on the way out if people are willing to beat each other senseless over some second-rate R&B guy's jacket. Now we know that Al Roker makes a really good bouncer though!

Shoshana Zilberberg-Winter, founder of the "original social networking site" Six Degrees, joins personal video sharing service Motionbox as chief marketing officer. Microsoft refugee Chris Brown joins as vice president of engineering.