While visiting China, esteemed Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner sunk a three-pointer playing with Beijing's Renmin University's team, providing a great opportunity for news anchors to joke about how Asians are too short to be good at this sport, anyway.

A Chinese lady was kissing her boyfriend when "the kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear." She's now partially deaf. [BBC]

Yesterday 21-year-old Nan Gang, a worker at the hellish Chinese Foxconn factory where iPhones and iPads are made, jumped off the roof and killed himself. That brings the number of attempted suicides to 11. (Two survived.)

A tipster thought an image of William Shatner over the headline 'How the Chinese Explain the Rash of Horrific Knife Attacks on Schoolchildren' might be the best contrarian Slate piece ever. But it seems it was just a mistake.

The exiled Tibetan spiritual leader is holding court in New York, where yesterday he said Marxism has "moral ethics" and capitalism is solely about "how to make profits." Event tickets were between $20-$60. He's holding a Twitter Q&A today, too!

China has given the world many great trends, like Super-Long Walls and Mixing Things With Noodles. But this whole "Attack a School With Knives For No Apparent Reason" trend is...not your best work, China. Nevertheless, it grows ever more popular.

Ma Yaohai, a 53-year-old college professor, was arrested along with 21 other people and put on trial for "group licentiousness," which is just a multi-syllabic way of saying "sex parties." He now faces up to five years in jail.

Lin Yu Chun—the bowl-cut lad with a spherical body and voice like Whitney Houston's in this viral video—has inked a deal with Sony, and will release an album of songs in Chinese and English, in July. [Popeater]

Seven kindergarteners and a teacher were killed and 20 people were injured when an insane man attacked a school in northern China today with a kitchen cleaver. Among all trends, this Chinese school knife attack trend is the worst. [NYT]

["For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Yes, that is Mickey Mouse, crucified in a Shanghai Beijing mall. Pic via Shangahiist.]

A man injured five kindergartners with an iron hammer before grabbing two of the children and setting himself on fire—the third attack on a Chinese school in as many days. What the hell is going on?

It's finally here. The Chinese nightclub named after our very own president had its soft opening and reviews are starting to come out. There were half-naked people in scary costumes, go-go dancers, and tons of creeps dancing to bad music.

Think undervalued currency is a big deal? Think again, naïve American, because China will soon have control of your ass, or at least what you wipe it with. Get ready for a lifetime of pain and suffering in the bathroom.

Want to know how paranoid you should be? Google's new toy lets you see how many times your government asked Google for private information. Citizens of Brazil, Germany and India: Fetch your tinfoil hats (chapéus de papel laminado)!

I cannot wait for April 26, when Shanghai's Obama Entertainment Club opens. This is surely why Obama constantly bows to Chinese people. Visit the official website (© 2010 Obarma Club) for some awesome embedded music that you cannot turn off.

At least 300 people are dead after a 7.1 earthquake hit China's earthquake-prone Qinghai Province.

Well, which is it, Matt? Is Obama too subservient or too uppity? (Oh, wait—he's just uppity to the white man, as he sells our sovereignty to the Yellow Peril. Got it!)

Here in America, Starbucks has already transformed itself from a safe haven for aspirational faux-yuppies into a place for hobos to hang out. But abroad, Starbucks' slate is still clean. China and India: Starbucks is coming for your culture money.

A Taiwanese boy performs a perfect rendition of "I Will Always Love You", channeling Whitney's power and the emotion of Dolly's lyrics. The boy is already an internet star, where a song and a bow tie make dreams come true.

Well, that's it. China's eventual world domination has been the subject of speculation for years but today it is official. Coke has given China a delicious new green tea-flavored soft drink. And we don't even get it!