Cell phones are great. But they are also replaceable. And certainly not worth dying for.

Last Tuesday, Maria Melendez witnessed a half-dozen sheriff's deputies fatally beating 33-year-old David Sal Silva—hitting him with clubs and kicking him— in Bakersfield, California outside Kern Medical Center. She began to film the scene on her phone, yelling to the cops that she was filming them.

A judge who accidentally violated his own "no cellphone noises in court" policy felt he had no choice but to hold himself in contempt.

For a few hours yesterday, the top link on the Drudge Report led to a YouTube video in which an Ohio woman said she's going to vote for President Obama because he gave her a phone. The woman is inarticulate and she speaks loudly, and on top of those things she's black. Basically, she is exactly the kind of person many on the right envision—wrongly, it should be said—when they think of who is guzzling from the government teat these days. That she was bragging about Obama giving "every minority in Cleveland" luxuries like cell phones was just the icing on the cake.

News flash: Americans, who are, on average, not a bunch of wealthy muckety-mucks lighting their cigars with Benjamins, are spending too much money on their stupid cell phones. We as a nation have cut back on our overall spending even as we're spending more on our precious "smart phone" bills. Smart phone? More like... unnecessarily expensive device!

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Babies are about to get some stiff competition for worst thing to be seated next to on a long flight.

A study of New York City's emergency communications system has revealed that New Yorkers' butts are steady calling the operators at 911, asking do they like them, asking are they asleep yet, asking what are they thinking about.

Have you ever wondered what teens do all day on their smartphones? We haven't either. But a psychology professor has amassed an enormous database of text messages, photos and IMs sent by dozens of Texas teens over four years. Contained in its depths is the Secret of the American Teen.

AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, and T-Mobile are teaming up with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to make it harder for thieves to use stolen phones, since you seem hell-bent on accidentally leaving yours everywhere.

Somehow under the impression that people don't spend 100% of their time holding, looking at, or anxious because they are not holding and looking at their cell phones, Nokia has filed a patent for a message-alert skin tattoo that could make the old "My phone was set to silent," excuse a thing of the past.

Need a custom ringtone for that ex-boyfriend who only calls late at night, when he's drunk and horny? Now presenting the Paris Hilton "Drunk Text" ring tone collection, culled from Paris Hilton's new spoken word techno song "Drunk Text."

A while ago, a twenty-something geek we'll call Martin arranged a meeting with some potential clients in an an unusual place: the sidewalk across the street from a police precinct on Manhattan's West Side.

Here's some news relevant to all you reading this article on your iPad while simultaneously texting your spouse and driving 90 mph on the interstate. The National Transportation Safety Board has voted to recommend banning the use of all cell phones—even hands-free ones!—while driving.

Everyone knows that teenagers these days are lust-crazed flesh demons hell-bent on utilizing technology you don't understand to "sext" each other videos of themselves dancing naked to the dubstep and the rap. So what gives with this new study claiming that only one percent of 10 to 17-year-olds have sexted?

The Pakistan's Telecommunications Authority has issued a list of 1,700 words it considers "offensive and obscene," and has demanded that mobile providers begin filtering them from text messages as of Monday. The list, which contains hundreds of familiar swear words as well as some truly puzzling choices, is meant to curb SMS spamming, according the PTA, which it defines as "the transmission of harmful, fraudulent, misleading, illegal or unsolicited messages in bulk to any person without express permission of the recipient."

Would you like to behave like a terrible manipulative teenager into your late 20s? If so, text messaging can very much help, as detailed in the Wall Street Journal today.

Great news, people who don't want brain cancer! A Danish study of 350,000 people over 18 years has found no link between that disease and cellphone usage. This contradicts the WHO's findings, who ruled they might cause cancer. [BBC]

Dwayne Kennedy has been in prison in California since 1990. Last year, he was finally granted parole. He was so very happy! He borrowed another inmate's contraband cell phone to call his family. "We were crying and praying" with joy, his sister says. And then?

White collar professionals across America are spinning their trackwheels in vain today, the day the Personal Digital Assistants died. Widespread BlackBerry outages in Europe, the Middle East, Africa, and India reached North America today, leaving thousands of cubicle dwellers in the U.S. and Canada mashing their fingers against microscopic keypads in vain.