Breaking news from the only politics blog worth reading: celebritybabies.people.com. Literally, don’t even try to get Michael Bloomberg to spend time with his grandson until the kid can hit a par four in three and carry his own damn golf bag.

This week Paul Ryan granted an interview to PEOPLE Magazine’s Celebrity Babies vertical on one condition—they not ask him about Donald Trump.

Fergalicious fergity-ferg Fergie gave birth to her first child with husband Josh Duhamel on Thursday: a healthy baby boy. And when Fergie looked down at the tiny new life she had brought into the world—the perfect, squirming human who would, from now until forever, fill her days with joy and anxiety and excitement and fear and pride and peace and warmth, most of all warmth, simply by being alive—she thought "This baby reminds me of car parts!" and named him Axl Jack Duhamel.

Party supply coordinator-turned-future Queen of England Jimmy Fallon welcomed his first child with wife Nancy Juvonen early Tuesday morning: a daughter named Winnie Rose Fallon.

In February, the threat of HISTORIC, EXTREME SNOW whipped Weather.com into such a frothy euphoria that it combusted from within, vomiting broken mountain graphics all over its homepage. Now, the unbearable ecstasy of the final days of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy has driven E! Online—the relentlessly chipper, unnervingly dedicated sophomore class secretary of celebrity news—to the brink of insanity.

Collect call for Nick Lachey from a Miss Jessica Weaddababi-Eitzaboi.

On Tuesday, Kim Kardashian, Mother of the Great Unknowable North, got a handful of random babies wasted off the exotic elixir of fame when she allegedly sent their pictures out to a half-dozen friends, and said they were photos of her kid.

MediaTakeOut claims that a nurse at Cedars Sinai Hospital has revealed the name of the Khrist Child: Kaidence Donda West. She already has tons of fake Twitter pages. Welcome to the world, Kaidence.

TMZ says Halle Berry is 3 months pregnant. She is also 46. On Monday, her fiancé kicked a photographer.

Following a successful fan-driven fundraising campaign on the website Kickstarter, actress Kristen Bell's child finally consented to begin production on her life by being born Thursday.

Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose welcomed a son today: Sebastian Taylor Thomaz. Not to be confused with Jonathan Taylor Thomaz.

Alicia Keys says her son gave Blue Ivy her first kiss, even though Bey and Jay obviously seek a more powerful alliance.

Did you know that Shakira has a last name? And also a baby boy, now; congratulations Shakira.

Rumors continue to swirl that Gisele Bündchen has spent the last nine months in a state of utter pregnancy after the supermodel posted a Facebook update revealing she gave birth on Wednesday.

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo had a son, Camden, on Wednesday. May he grow up to marry Maxwell Simpson-Johnson on TV.

As the world sat glued to their media display devices awaiting the latest Beyoncé BabyWatch developments, one man — a 48-year-old resident of Ohio — whiled away the holiday weekend in a state of blissful Beyoncé ignorance. Not only was he unaware that a Lil-Z might shimmy out from between her million-dollar legs at any given moment, he had no clue that Beyoncé and Jay-Z were even married. We know, we know — shocking. Still, it doesn't seem quite bad enough to earn him a stabbing.

Alicia Silverstone had a son last week and named him Bear Blu. That sounds more like a cartoon show than a human being. However, we're sure he'll fit right in with Apple, Phineas, and Moroccan at his celebrity pre-school.

That sperm bank that allows its clients to search for donors based on how much they resemble various celebrities is setting up shop in NYC. The California-based company says it will be "fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space." It also says it will be looking for new donors, so if you're male, reasonably healthy, and bear a passing resemblance to anyone famous who has ever lived, you probably qualify. If the NYC location is anything like the one in LA, the standards won't be all that high. In addition to Ian Ziering, Corey Haim and Lou Ferrigno, the sperm bank says it has a Jon Gosselin lookalike, too. [NYDN, previously]

A sperm bank in California is now allowing clients to choose an anonymous donor based on how much he resembles a particular celebrity. Want to be impregnated by a man who may (or may not!) look like Ben Affleck, currently the most searched-for celeb at the clinic? You now have that option! But don't expect any guarantees. Explains an employee of the sperm bank: "The goal was not to say you can have a baby that looks like Bob Saget," Brown said. "The goal was to say this donor happens to resemble this celebrity." Bob Sagat? Now that donor is going to be a busy man. [CNN]

OK!'s cover this week shows Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt on an adorable playdate! Now, let's look at the two separate photos they stitched together to create this Frankenstein-like Photoshop: