Talk about A-Yo Technology. Page Six recently discovered people on Facebook! Being mean to celebrities! Meaner than them, even. Unfortunately, the people hating celebrities on Facebook aren't funny. Also, they've clearly never read comments on D-Listed. Next: Twitter! [Page Six]

Well look who showed up holding hands on the red carpet at the Teen Choice Awards tonight! America's most ubiquitous fag-hag and the Alaskan cock-gangsta himself. It's love!

Famous Judd Ashley Judd has enrolled at Harvard! She is working toward the Kennedy School's Mid-Career Master in Public Administration. That is the program for people who want to, like, run countries or the UN.

Michael Douglas' son Cameron—co-star of the unfortunately-named It Runs In The Family—was busted last night in the Gansevoort Hotel for trying to sell a shitload of crystal meth.

This has the suspicious whiff of a setup: Star reporter Kate Major and Octo-dad Jon Gosselin very publicly become an "item." Star trumpets this fact in a press release. Hours later, Kate Major resigns. Why?

The Way We Live Now: Muhfuckas are robbing us! Male models are robbing people. Someone's robbing Orlando Bloom. Politicians are robbing us all. Looking good in hard times is a tough row to hoe.

Mischa Barton was supposed to be in New York tonight to attend the premiere her of her new movie, Homecoming, which was directed by Morgan Freeman. However, she won't be attending after cops were called to her home last night.

Police say that boxer Arturo Gatti, who was found dead last weekend, was strangled in his sleep by his 23 year-old ex-stripper wife. As if that wasn't unpleasant enough, Perez Hilton put up some other dude's picture on Gatti's "R.I.P." post.

Republicans are sick of Michael Jackson: it's a meme! We don't know why, but it is! Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is sick of this nonstop coverage of the death of one of the world's most famous and bizarre people.

Today is Van Wilder sequel star Kal Penn's first day at his new job. His new job at the White House! TV's Dr. Kumar is "an Associate Director in the Office of Public Engagement," working under Valerie Jarrett.

When Jermaine Jackson made a statement on his brother's death last night, he noted that Michael Jackson's family physician was with him when he collapsed. But who is he? And where's that doctor now? The world is looking for him.

Harvey Kindlon, the 11-year-old Boy with the Yellow Rose from London, loves singing and acting. He also likes to meet celebrities! We spoke to the poised youngster over the phone to get his side of the crazy Megan Fox story.

"Nightlife Preservation": The political cause you can support by sniffing coke in the Beatrice Inn bathroom! Is it possible to support a cause in theory while wishing its supporters would shut up, in practice? In this case, yes.

What will Anderson Cooper be doing tonight? Unvogue Magazine says he'll be attending a party at the Sapphire Go-Go Lounge for their men's issue. It's been informally dubbed "Anderson Cooper's Big Fat Coming Out Party." [UPDATED: AC's denial below]:

Chris Brown has reached a plea deal with prosecutors for beating up Rihanna. It's not what you would call a stiff sentence, considering:

The ne plus ultra of "Stories That Prove Gawker's Just Trashy Celebrity Click-Bait Now" has finally happened. And we don't even get paid by the page view any more. What a rip.

Like hostages whose will for freedom has been completely sapped, slack-jawed Americans aspire only to befriend vapid, idolized television personalities while downing grease-laden comfort food, a new poll has confirmed:

You hear about people finding out years after a one-night fling that they have a kid they never met, and you think, "Wild, but I can see how it happened." Then you hear about Larry King's "long lost" son, Larry King Jr., and you think, "Larry King is insane."

Yesterday it was announced that Daphne Barak, a bleach-blonde Israeli-American "interviewer" whose kooky website touts her "exclusive interviews with A-list celebs, Hollywood stars, royals and heads-of-state," is doing a documentary featuring Amy Winehouse and her family, "a truthful and revealing look at her complicated life." This is just sad.

American Poultry Queen Oprah Winfrey gave the commencement address to the starry-eyed, chickenless graduates of Duke University yesterday. Her message to them: I really love my private jet!