Sean Penn has been helping relief efforts in Haiti for weeks, and he's on his last straw. He's careening around Port-au-Prince in a golf cart that says SEAN PENN, sucking on Marlboros and blasting The Clash. Sean Penn: Hero. [CNN]

South Park has shown that it excels at making fun of celebrities for their egomaniacal nature and of the oversensitive reverence paid to religious figures. Last night's episode brought both together and the result was simply magical.

The legendary actress is refuting last week's rumor that she recently got engaged for the ninth time. And she's doing it the way all good rumors are dispelled these days: on Twitter.

Do you think someone should be arrested for smoking pot? These celebs don't either. Watch as Bill Maher, Chris Rock, John Stewart and others discuss why the war on drugs is out of date.

It's easy to make fun of celebrities for being in dumb commercials and embarrassing themselves. Like Seth Green for Nerf. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger in Japan. But to find celebrities acting well in their natural habitat in a commercial is hard to find.

A tipster tells us this photo was taken about 1:30 this afternoon on Madison Avenue. There is financial guesser Jim Cramer, just standing out on Madison Ave., typing financial data things on his computer. Really? Crazy, if true!

Tiger Woods just held his first "real" press conference since the lady-fucking scandal broke. He is happy to be back and playing golf! But wait, a porn star says he is a "big fat liar." Exciting day in golf news!

Like the greater Twittership at-large, celebrity tweets are mostly pointless. Facts easily learned from other sources bore readers and clog feeds. Obvious topics and endless LOLs are even more unnecessary if the personality that makes the poster celeb-worthy is absent.

Corey Haim, the 80s teen movie idol who grew into a cautionary tale of the perils of childhood fame, has been found dead of an apparent drug overdose at the age of 38.

The L.A. coroner says Brittany Murphy died from"drug intake"—"multiple drug intoxication."

This is Adam Dell, venture capitalist and Columbia Business school adjunct professor. He is also the younger brother of Michael Dell, of the computer Dells. And he made Padma Lakshmi pregnant!

Here is noted Bat-man Val Kilmer, looking absolutely ridiculous, hanging out at the New Mexico House of Representatives today, for unknown reasons. [NewMexicoIndependent]

Tom was just like you: an ordinary schmoe from Jersey, with a kid and a job in banking and a pronounced inability to attract celebrities into his general vicinity. Until one day when he met Barack Obama, became magnetized, and proceeded to attract celebrities, in much the same way a magnet attracts metal. Moments ago, Tom sent out this lengthy press release, informing the world of his strange and wondrous saga of celebrity attraction. We want you to read it all. It is just that important.

Thousands of young, impressionable girls move to Los Angeles hoping to make it big every year. Why did Ke$ha break through? And what does it say about us as a culture that she did?

Lindsay Lohan, recognized for her vacillating sexual preferences, talent for offscreen antics, and mission to keep us all comfortably be-legginged, is going Jolie and getting all altruistic on our asses!

Upstaging a retinue of guests which included hoarders and OCD sufferers with his own staggering neuroses, Howie Mandel recounted a traumatizing event from his childhood on The Bonnie Hunt Show today: his parasitic sandfly infestation.

"The boos turned to cheers when Vick scored on a 5-yard run in the third quarter for his first touchdown of the season." [AP via NYT]

Were she alive, today would be Anna Nicole Smith's forty-second birthday. Here, only months before her death in 2007, she is seen in clown makeup, confusing the 8 month old fetus living inside her for a bout of gas.

Will David Letterman ever live down the shame of being the first American to sleep with someone at work? Let's hope not! Sexxxy Letterman revelations this morning: Another fling, pictured! Dave's alleged Halderman hate rage! And, what will happen tonight?!?