Having already made it clear that he was less than amused with Andy Samberg's take on him as an amateur goat-whisperer from the mean streets of Mass (an impersonation we've hailed as pure genius—but Marky, if you're reading this, we hated it!), Mark Wahlberg upped the stakes considerably on a Jimmy Kimmel Live! appearance last night.After Kimmel ran a clip from the offending sketch, the actor—in a studied bit of business borrowed from any number of Scorsese-DeNiro collaborations—fastidiously plucked a stray thread off his dress shirt as he pledged to "crack [the Hot Rod star's] big fucking nose." The only thing better than a celebrity feud is a celebrity feud with lightly anti-Semitic undertones and the potential of skull fragmentation. Still, we think his tough-guy bark is worse than his bite, and Samberg needn't start truly panicking until Wahlberg pledges, in a clever twist on one of Samberg's greatest hits, to deliver the young comic his own nuts in a box.

As a follow-up to this morning's post about a scuffle at Madeo between reigning hunks of two widely differing showbiz arenas—George Clooney and Fabio—we pass along this photo evidence, obtained by TMZ. In the pictures, the famed Lake Como resident is clearly seen delivering a middle-fingered salute in the direction of the male model, as annoyed that his extremely recognizable face might wind up on Fabio's Flickr page as he was that his nemesis's spoken-word album, "Fabio After Dark," had outsold his own, "A Few of George Clooney's Favorite Things," by a ratio of nearly two-to-one.

In an unlikely celestial confluence that saw the collision of the A-listiest of conscience-bearing Hollywood marquee idols with the synthetic-butter- substitute -hawking former star of Acapulco H.E.A.T., In Touch Weekly is reporting that a disagreement erupted between George Clooney and Fabio at Madeo Friday night, nearly bringing the two men to fisticuffs:

• Joan Collins vs Charlotte Rae (Legends) [YouTube]

Madonna made a rare, live appearance on The Today Show this morning to promote her voice-over work in the U.S. release of Luc Besson's Arthur and the Invisibles. (Madonna: "I don't like getting up and talking to people this early." Meredith Vieira: "So then what possessed you?" Madonna: "Um, Harvey Weinstein.") She touched briefly upon the subject of OrphanGate, merely to assure the world that David Banda—whom she admits she probably chose because of his physical resemblance to herself—couldn't be happier. But it's her thoughts on the far more pressing and controversial topic of the Donald vs. Rosie feud that have been making headlines:

We realize a major escalation in the Iraq War is about to be announced, but it's difficult to focus on that sort of thing when most of the conflict-oriented areas of our brain are currently occupied with the Rosie vs. Donald vs. Barbara vs. (possibly, if you believe Donald) Rosie feud. When last we checked in, Donald Trump had sent in a scathing letter to The View's offices, accusing Walters of having called O'Donnell a "pig" and telling him she wouldn't "be here for long." Their response on today's show (video above courtesy of BWE) featured Barbara calling Trump, "that poor, pathetic man...we're moving on." Trump's lightning response time has us suspecting that he drafts his statements the night before, leaving a few specifics blank until the very last moment. ("I find it funny that you should call me a ______ on the show today, because Barbara said you're a ______. Send my love to Kelli! Best, Donald") In his latest missive, he defends The Apprentice: LA's ratings performance, and offered this mellow sentiment to the special ladies in his life:

Donald Trump has already responded to this morning's Page Six item (yup, he's fast, and, apparently, sorely in need of some busy-work around the office), in a letter addressed to Rosie O'Donnell and faxed to The View this morning. (AccessHollywood.com has the entire letter.) Scattered among its many hollow good wishes are the following claims:

We honestly thought that yesterday's epic post updating the latest developments in the Rosie vs. Donald feud (her kids are upset/he only called her a fat pig a couple of times/his ratings are in the toilet) would be the last words we'd have to type on the subject for a while, which we now admit was a naïve presumption, especially so long as the editorship of Page Six is still walking among us. Today's lead story brings us deep into the trenches—The View's hair and makeup room—where Trump's deep-seated distaste for not-very-smart, degenerate fat pigs is tearing Rosie and Barbara Walters apart:

We'd hoped that by last night's premiere of The Apprentice: LA we'd have already seen an end to the ugly feud between notoriously media-shy and soft-spoken nemeses Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell, allowing us to fully devote our rapt attentions upon the West Coast adventures of the Manhattan land baron and his Slovenian trophy succubus. Sadly, however, the fat jokes and combover cracks continue to be lobbed from either side (best single development: In Touch Weekly's probably fictitious report of Trump frenemy Martha Stewart sending O'Donnell a bouquet of roses with a note attached reading, "Be careful of pricks"), with nary an olive branch offering in sight. On The View today, O'Donnell had this to say about Trump's merciless jabs at her weight (video available courtesy of BestWeekEver.tv):

With his superannuated former heavyweight champion picture doing plucky business at the box office, a repurposed Sylvester Stallone is proving to have a legitimate shot at the title of Hollywood's Greatest Oldspiration, currently held by ancient producing mystic Robert Evans. But theirs is a long simmering rivalry, which, according to Page Six, began when the notorious ladies' man shared his impressive archive of Polaroid-captured conquests with the actor:

The two most abnormal celebrity byproducts to emerge from American Idol's fame-cultivating laboratories, Hollywood pygmies Paula Abdul and Ryan Seacrest, are either in the midst of a bitter feud or not, depending on whom you ask: