cavemen

Caveman Gay, Was Buried This Way

Seth Abramovitch · 04/07/11 02:22AM

A 5,000-year-old skeleton was discovered in a Prague suburb, and archaeologists have declared him to be the first known "gay caveman" in history. That's because he was still wearing a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses. No, just kidding — it's because of how he was buried.

Humans May Have Been Shrooming for 9,000 Years

Max Read · 03/07/11 01:13AM

Analysis of cave paintings in Spain and Algeria has led some researchers to believe that human beings have been discovering the unified nature of consciousness for at least 6,000 years in Europe, and as many as 9,000 years elsewhere.

Sexy Neanderthals Wore Feathers

Max Read · 02/23/11 12:57AM

Italian paleoanthopologist Marco Peresani found a bunch of bird bones in the "Grotto of Smoke," a site known for being "loaded with Neanderthal bones." And he's got a theory: They wore them! As accessories! Fashion!!

Neanderthals Were Pretty Good Cooks

Max Read · 12/27/10 09:35PM

Scientists have discovered bits of cooked plants in the teeth of Neanderthals, contradicting the conventional wisdom that they only ate meat, and proving that the hominids hadn't yet developed sophisticated toothpick technology.

The Biggest TV Failures of the Past Decade

Chris Vespoli · 05/26/10 11:30AM

Ah, the early 2000s. The economy kinda worked, trucker hats were fashionable and Justin Bieber wasn't yet old enough to make music. It would have been a fun decade, if we didn't have to endure the following awful TV shows.

You Are Part Neanderthal, Probably

Max Read · 05/07/10 01:48AM

Scientists working on sequencing the Neanderthal genome have discovered that 1 to 4 percent of most people's DNA is inherited from Neanderthals, proving that even back then most people were sluts who would really just sleep with whoever. [CSM]

NHL Player/'Vogue' Intern Movie Ushers In New 'Chock Flick' Genre

Seth Abramovitch · 09/09/08 03:20PM

· The story we could just never seem to wrap our heads around—that of Sean Avery, former New York Rangers player and Vogue (for women) fashion intern—will perhaps reveal its mysteries in New Line's movie about his slapshot-fabulous life. (Hey—Slapshot Fabulous! There's your title!) [THR] · More online-incubated series pickups: CBS ordered We Need Girlfriends, based on the YouTube series of the same name, and put the Cavemen team of Bill Martin and Mike Schiff in charge. [Variety] · So we can't have an Arrested Development movie, but we can have a Blue Man Group movie? Where is the justice? (And Tobias is available for readings.) [Variety] · David Strathairn, Alan Alda, Jeff Daniels, Mary-Louise Parker and Paul Rudd have joined the cast of Howl, which already stars James Franco in yet another movie based on the life of a famous American Gay. (Keep it coming, Franco!) [THR] · Amanda Seyfriend and Channing Tatum will play star-crossed, wartime lovers in Dear John, based on a book by the same author as The Notebook. We understand that there's only a nominal amount of stepping-up involved. [Variety]

David And Maddie Make A Writers Strike Seem Like A Lot Of Fun

mark · 11/01/07 08:18PM


· On second thought, maybe a strike won't be that bad. Who wouldn't like to see the cast of Cavemen singing "Wooly Booly"?
· And speaking of cavemen, here are instructions on how to make your own insurance-hawking Neanderthal costume, just in time for the day after Halloween.
· Get ready for a world-rocking nerdgasm: The original cast of MST3K is reuniting for Cinematic Titanic, a new project that will involve the creative savaging of bad movies.
·RIP, NBC's DotComedy.
· Owen Wilson can't even pee with the stall door open anymore without his publicist having to make a statement.

Fox Planning 'Prison Break: Chicks In Lock-Up Edition'

mark · 10/24/07 01:33PM

· Why does it take the threat of a strike for people to start cranking out the truly genius ideas? Fox has ordered a script that could generate a Prison Break spin-off set in a women's penitentiary, a project that would be perfect for Michelle Rodriguez once she concludes some previous obligations. [THR]
· ABC's Cavemen inches ever closer to joining Viva Laughlin in the Fall season's "bold TV experiments canceled too soon to see how terrible they could eventually become" club, drawing its lowest key demo ratings to date. Somewhere, Hugh Jackman's wife sheds a tear in sympathy. [Variety]

Kiefer Sutherland Accepts '24'-Friendly Jail Sentence

mark · 10/10/07 02:36PM

· Showing a Baueresque level of self-sacrifice, Kiefer Sutherland takes one for his TV team, pleading out to 48 days of jail time that can be served on a two-stint schedule that won't interrupt the shooting of 24, even though he probably could have served fewer days if he'd opted for a consecutive sentence. If eighteen months of being tortured by the Chinese couldn't break him, seven weeks should be a breeze. [THR]
· After putting up "solid" premiere numbers, ABC's bold Cavemen experiment falters, dropping off 25 percent in its second week. Enjoy your lovable, squash-playing, Swedish-furniture-hawking Neanderthals while you still can. [Variety]

mark · 10/03/07 07:11PM


As it turns out, ABC knew exactly what it was doing when it decided not to let the media get an advance look at the Cavemen premiere, a strategy that forestalled the show's critical bludgeoning until after it aired. [Metacritic]

ABC Finally Debuts Its Less Racially Insensitive Cavemen

mark · 10/03/07 03:51PM


With a controversy-shy ABC having retooled all of the potentially inflammatory, racial-allegory material out of the version of Cavemen that finally debuted last night, the show was forced to generate edgy laughs by having its put-upon Neanderthals participate in activities for which primitive Man would seem hilariously ill-suited, like selling futons at a fictionalized Ikea, participating in a round of Wii golf following a shopping spree, and playing squash in country club-quality outfits that would cause them to surrender whatever small amount of cave-cred they had left. We'll let you be the judge of how effective they were in the squash scene, but we'll admit that by the fifth or so time we had to listen to the Andy and Joel characters whine about their relationships, we thought we were just watching a version of Tell Me You Love Me with more unsightly body hair and less fucking.

Johnny Drama Just Trying To Get Off The Viking Quest Convention Circuit

mark · 10/03/07 01:48PM

· Oh, Johnny Drama, you're so much better than this: Kevin Dillon will star in the 300 spoof National Lampoon's 301: The Legend of Awesomest Maximus Wallace Leonidas. Will someone please book him for some personal appearances and save him from this kind of strike-insurance slumming? [Variety]
· Cavemen's overhauled series premiere "performed OK" in the Tuesday night Nielsens, while House lead Fox to victory in primetime. [THR]
· Natalie Portman joins the cast of the remake of the Danish love-triangle drama Brothers, in which she'll play the sister-in-law boinked by dreamy-eyed homewrecker Jake Gyllenhaal while sleepy-eyed soldier Tobey Maguire is off fighting in Afghanistan. [Variety]

Confrontational Caveman Exposes 'The View' Co-Host's Prejudice

mark · 10/02/07 01:41PM


Even though the network might not want critics to have advance access to its retooled Cavemen premiere (weirdly, as we typed those words, we could've sworn we heard Peter Krause whispering from the sidebar, "The comedy that has everyone talking debuts at 8 p.m. tonight , only on ABC"), they realize the importance of making sure that awareness of the show is high among audiences who expect intellectual engagement from their television programming.

mark · 09/28/07 04:10PM

Is ABC not sending out advance screeners of the primitively retooled Cavemen to critics because the network doesn't have any confidence in their product? Of course not! "'They're not ready,' the spokesman said. 'They want the "finishing touches" completed before critics take a peek, and that won't happen before the premiere. 'That's all there is to it.'" And if critics don't get a chance to depress Tuesday's debut-night numbers with their silly opinions, well, that's just a bonus of the network's obsessive—and not at all suspicious—perfectionism. [LAT ShowTracker]