As our more astute readers have pointed out to us both in an earlier comment thread and in some concerned emails, Mr. Defamer appears to have been kidnapped by Peter Krause, star of Filthy Smutty Cash, a new show on a television network we hardly need to name in this space. Let us just say this and move on with our day: We were just as surprised as you to wake up and see Nate Fisher's face smirking back at us, but our sales department quickly silenced any of our concerns about advertorial crassness by showing us the mock-up they rejected, which we've reproduced after the jump:

• Blackmen [YouTube]

The Best Week Ever blog positively identifies this Crunk & Disorderly photo's central, pteryodactyl-flipping Neanderthal—according to the caption it was taken outside the Ivy, so we suppose they were there recently—as BWE contributor and Cavemen star Nick Kroll. This time, however, we're not going to make any crazy assumptions about ABC's involvement in the trio's obviously unauthorized activities—we're sure they rented a convertible, spent hours putting on their own elaborate makeup, and hired a location-shoot crew all on their own, just because they're the wildest, craziest, free-publicity-cravingest Cro-Magnons in primetime.

A little while ago, a representative from ABC's program publicity department wrote in to let us know that the Cavemen-on-the-street shoot encountered by a pair of our readers (whom, by the way, we know not to be affiliated with ABC) at Hollywood's Gower Gulch shopping center yesterday afternoon was not connected with the network's series. Despite our utter confusion about why some guys in Neanderthal make-up and a camera crew not on the network payroll would be chatting up the series (weird!), we are happy to pass along this clarification about ABC's avowed non-involvement in whatever it was going on at the Gulch.

[UPDATE; A rep from ABC says the network had nothing to do with the shoot. Details here.] Since last month's contentious TCA panel in which some TV critics accused Cavemen, the upcoming ABC sitcom/race parable that will change the face of integrated primetime auto-insurance advertising, of being a little too preoccupied with hilariously deconstructing the tired stereotypes of just one group, we haven't really had an occasion to think about the much-anticipated series. This afternoon, however, a Defamer operative's lunchtime brush with the network's hard-working Cro-Magnons has once again drawn our attention to the ambitious project. Reports our Special Correspondent on Promotional Neanderthal Encounters:

As if ABC president Steve McPherson's apparent willingness to scrap with NBC's Ben Silverman [Ed.note—Have an intern lay down $200 on Silverman going down in the second round. Dude's got a glass jaw, I know it.] wasn't enough fun for a single day of TCA panels, the network's Cavemen event managed to generate still more excitement, as some of the assembled critics confronted the show's producers about how the pre-troubled, primetime-paradigm-shifting sitcomfomercial race-parable might be construed as insensitive in the way it appears focused on hilariously deconstructing the stereotypes of just a single group. Reports TV Week.com's TCA blog:

· ABC's Steve McPherson on Monday's announcement that pal Kevin Reilly is headed to Fox: "I hear when they fire me, he's going to come run this place," McPherson said. He then continued, his face rapidly draining of blood, "Haha, I'm just kidding guys, my job is completely safe. Guys? Guys? We're fixing Cavemen, I told you that yesterday!" [Variety]
· Every basic cable Christmas special should find a place for former 90210 star Shannen Doherty, whose very presence announces the arrival of a magical Yuletide spirit. [THR]
· Finally: Desperately Seeking Susan: The Musical! Featuring, bizarrely, music from Deborah Harry and Blondie's back catalog. Will the story still play with "Heart of Glass" instead of "Into the Groove"? Developing... [Variety]
· Fox's beleaguered On The Lot, airing a night earlier than usual because of tonight's All Star game, comes in fourth place in its timeslot against only rerun competition. Even we didn't watch it last night, and it's our job to monitor its death-throes. [THR]
· Speaking of Fox, the renegade network plans to use its Emmy awards telecast to launch its fall season, a week before Nielsen's officially decreed start date for the ratings race they will largely concede until the next season of Idol premieres. [Variety]
· Universal buys the rights to Vanity Fair article about Barbaro, Gone Like the Wind, for triple-threat-hack Peter Berg to direct. Somewhere, our buddy Will at Deadspin faints dead away with delight. [Variety]

With the heady buzz generated by creating the hybrid sitcomfomercial art form out of the best parts of half-hour TV comedy and thirty-second auto-insurance advertising finally dissipating, pioneering network ABC is starting to second-guess the programming instincts that led them to make the Geico-inspired Cavemen one of the linchpins of their Fall schedule. According to THR, they've initiated the dreaded "retooling" process, using the primitive series-salvaging implements of "recasting" and "pilot reshoots" to rescue their Neanderthal-powered racism allegory from looming Nielsen disaster:

· Imagine's Brian Grazer will superproduce an adaptation of the graphic novel Cowboys and Aliens for DreamWorks and Universal, a project the spikey-haired seeker described as the "perfect realization of all the cowboys-meeting-aliens-related ideas I've been quietly developing since I was a hyperactive six years old locked in my bedroom with a chest full of toys." [Variety]
· Fox's show about people who think they can dance continues to shame their one about people who think they can direct movies, pulling in more than triple the viewers of the last On The Lot installment. [THR]
· Another famously overweight TV personality rumored to be under consideration to replace Bob Barker is Drew Carey. [Variety]
· Advertisers give a $2.4 billion upfront vote of confidence to Steve McPherson's vision for ABC, with one Madison avenue booster gushing, "Have you heard about this Cavemen thing? It's like a sitcom and car insurance commercial all rolled into one! Think of what they could do with that Coke ad with the polar bears." [THR]
· Stripping off his shirt and smearing his entire body in warpaint, CEO Howard Stringer whipped 7,000 employees into a frenzy at a shareholder ceremony in which he dramatically declared himself the "Sony Warrior." [Variety]

TVWeek.com has rounded up clips of recently announced, new Fall shows from all the broadcast networks and posted them to their site, allowing us a sneak preview of the exciting programs that we—like any modern, quick-triggered TV viewer with no attention span to speak of—will likely delete from our TiVo lists after a one-episode tryout. Our first stop was to the ABC tab for a glimpse of Cavemen, the much-anticipated discount-auto-insurance-infomercial/ race-parable hybrid that is sure to redefine the moribund sitcom form this September.

With ABC having already spoiled Upfront Christmas by unwrapping its much-anticipated pick-up of Cavemen&trade, A Race Parable Brought To You By Geico a few days early, giving the disgruntled, recently canceled stars of its comedy past an opportunity to decry the network's pro-Neanderthal prejudices, the actual announcement of its Fall schedule was bound to underwhelm. They've installed Private Practice, the horny-doctors-in-Santa-Monica supplement ("I am going to kiss you. With tongue. Later, I am going to sex you. With penis.") to their horny-doctors-in-Seattle Nielsen juggernaut, at 9 p.m. on Wednesday night to anchor a block of all-new dramas, allowing the brain-deadening buzz derived from ogling the goodies of various hyperverbal, McAttractive physicians to linger for two consecutive evenings.

While Friday's announcement that groundbreaking ABC/Geico sitcomfomercial Cavemen made the fall schedule was met with the popping of champagne corks in Defamer HQ and quickly followed by boozy expressions of admiration for the network's rare combination of business savvy and social conscience, not everyone was overjoyed to hear the news. The LAT Show Tracker blog reports that after president Steve McPherson called to break the news that his eponymous sitcom had grown too expensive to renew for a sixth season, George Lopez raged against the pro-Neanderthal programming policies that will deny him a timeslot:

We recently said a prayer—a modest one, but a prayer nonetheless—that Cavemen, ABC's way of telling the world, "You know what? We give up. There is no more comedy. It was clearly a non-renewable resource whose last drips were squandered somewhere during the opening credits of Wild Hogs. Instead, we proudly present to you this season-long riff on a third-tier car insurance company commercial. Choke on it," would make it onto their fall schedule. Our prayers have been answered:

· In case you haven't heard about the whole Chris Albrecht mess, a recap: arrested in Vegas Sunday, news breaks Monday, heads off to rehab Tuesday, new shit comes to light Wednesday morning, fired Wednesday afternoon, HBO in turmoil Thursday. There, that about gets you up to speed. [Variety, THR]
· With his shocking Dreamgirls Oscar loss solidifying the dissociative identity disorder that drives him to take roles in terrible comedies demanding he portray multiple characters, Eddie Murphy signs on for a family-friendly big-screen version of Fantasy Island in which he's expected to play a variety of roles. Get ready for some disturbing, Little Man-style FX grafting his face onto a dwarf's body for his Tattoo scenes. [THR]
· You know what the world really needs? Another Terminator movie, but without Schwarzenegger or Cameron or anything that made the first two worth watching. [Variety]
· The pre-upfront buzz says that it's going to be another bad year for comedy, a premise supported by rumors that ABC's Cavemen is gaining pick-up momentum. Please, God, let it make the schedule. [THR]

This morning will surely bring disappointment to those excitedly awaiting the results of the bold pilot-season experiment represented by ABC's Cavemen, the network's attempt to synthesize the best elements of auto-insurance advertising and situational comedy into a groundbreaking, hybrid infotainment form: according to a review posted on Ain't It Cool, ABC's half-hour treatment fails to live up to the thrilling promise of Geico's inspired source material. An excerpt:

The LAT takes a look at the roughly 12,000 network pilots currently in development, trying to make sense of any trends that emerged from last season. What we know: Serialized storytelling is out, except when it's in; viewers love a heavy dose of lighthearted quirk with their hour-long, fashion-centric dramas; and the public's appetite for the plight of fundamentalist Christian sketch comedy actresses was vastly overestimated. There is also the predicament of the half-hour primetime comedy, a languishing format that can only claim Charlie Sheen paycheck-generator Two and a Half Men as its single entry in the Nielsen top 20. It's a problem executives have approached with the kind of no-fail solution that results in a grab-bag pilot crop littered with Geico Cavemen shows and Lee Majors's triumphant return to TV: Greenlight everything and hope someone laughs.

Perhaps the most notable of the 3,000 sitcom pilots born out of ABC's "Greenlight 'em all and let God sort 'em out" comedy development strategy for the 2007 fall TV season is Cavemen, the prospective series based on a series of commercials featuring insurance carrier Geico's second-most popular characters (the Gecko's agent at CAA is just too big an asshole to even deal with), a gang of put-upon Neanderthals thrust into a modern world that unfairly stereotypes them as uncultured brutes. But what really attracted ABC president Steven McPherson to the project, other than the utter glee that will accompany every caveman eye-roll in reaction to a supporting character's snooty insinuation that he probably doesn't know the difference between a salad fork and the jagged rock he used to kill his dinner? It's all about the cutting social commentary! This is some next-level shit, says McPherson in response to a THR question that politely refers to the sitcomfomercial concept as "nontraditional":

With help from possible sitcom saviors like Jenna Elfman and the Geico Unfairly Persecuted Cavemen Project not to arrive until the fall season at the earliest, increasingly desperate ABC development executives are looking inward for more radical and immediate solutions to their comedy problems. This Just In has leaked this internal presentation the execs have put together in an attempt to convince boss Steve McPherson to allow them to repurpose the lighter moments from flagging drama Lost as a half-hour summer schedule-filler, which would help both to bridge the gap between Lost seasons and the next generation of surefire sitcom hits that will arrive by the end of the year.

We officially apologize for scoffing at ABC's seemingly desperate plans to score a much-needed comedy hit by adapting Geico's Cavemen commercials into a groundbreaking sitcomfomercial pilot; when we made our ill-considered and premature comments, we had no idea that the potential show already has an installed fanbase so maniacal in its devotion to the hilarious ads that they're moved to undertake unlicensed merchandising activities, like this talking, insurance-flogging Neanderthal doll offered on eBay, to support ABC's bold vision. One hopes that the passion of this fan for original commercial Caveman John Lehr can persuade the network to allow the actor to reprise his role in the pilot, rather than dooming the project to failure by fitting sitcom albatross Mark Feuerstein for a full-body hair-suit and jutting prosthetic brow.

Today's WSJ delves deeper into the decisionmaking process that led ABC to greenlight a sitcom pilot based on Geico's Easily Offended Cavemen characters, a daring move that pays homage to the runaway successes of advertising-to-TV pioneers like the California Raisins and That Talking Demon-Baby Who Gave Us A Solid Year Of Sweat-Drenched Nightmares. Disappointingly, the explanation of the project's genesis is heavy on jargon like "brand extension," "messaging clutter," and "media fragmentation," and light on more honest anecdotes involving comedy-starved network executives, smoldering crackpipes, and desperate three-day development binges that end with an exhausted VP pointing at the insurance commercial playing on a nearby television and saying, "Fuck it, let's just do a show about that":