It took 20 hours to get Kate's hair to a socially acceptable state. LiLo gets kicked off a private jet and a commercial airplane. Gary Coleman has a seizure. Political relevance infiltrates Page Six, and it's not okay: Thursday gossip.

After Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips rescued Casey Johnson's dogs and fur coats from a braless, press-friendly Tila Tequila, the webcam star wept, accused them of killing puppies, and tweeted vows of revenge. Mulholland Drive on Meth keeps getting messier.

The Daily News quotes a source close to Tila Tequila confirming an upcoming meeting with the Johnson family. But Casey's father Woody will probably not attend. So... who knows which Johnsons Tila will meet.

When you go crawling back to the ex you moulded in the shape of another ex who wouldn't take you back, it's time for readjusting, not a wedding. Sharon Stone joins Law & Order: SVU, A-Rod hooks up. Gossip!

• Kate Hudson was supposedly holding out hope that she and Alex Rodriguez would reunite one day soon. But it looks like it may be time for Kate to let the dream die. A-Rod's new flame is a "gorgeous blonde" who he met at a gym in Miami. [P6]
• In happier celebrity couple news—and after months of schmoopy public displays of affection—Katy Perry and Russell Brand are now engaged. Brand reportedly proposed while in vacation in India, a trip they decided to take after Perry expressed her love for "Indian culture while they were eating curry." [Us]
• An autopsy has been performed on Casey Johnson, the socialite and pharma heiress who was discovered dead on Monday. There weren't any signs of trauma, but more should be revealed when toxicology tests are completed. In the meantime, friends of Johnson report she went into a diabetic coma on several occasions over the past year, "spent the last months of her life in a suicidal drug haze," and had been living in squalor up until her death, since her family had cut her off. Speaking of the Johnson clan, they're planning to have a private funeral for Casey later this week. [TMZ, NYP, NYDN, People]
• In other Johnson news, she was dealing with a long list of legal problems when she died, including a lawsuit by Porsche (for failing to keep up with her car payments), and another suit by a nanny service (which claimed it was owed money). As for fame addict Tila Tequila, her alleged fiancée, she's been busy posting to Twitter, recounting the "haunting visions" she's been having of Johnson and how they "made such a lovely couple." [TMZ, NYP, Us]

• What caused the death of troubled socialite and heiress Casey Johnson, who was discovered dead in her LA home yesterday? It's too soon to say since toxicology results are pending, although at least one tabloid is suggesting prescription pills may have been involved. In a bizarre twist to the story, Johnson's "fiancée," reality TV star/fame addict Tila Tequila, tweeted last night that Johnson hadn't actually died and was really in a coma, before backtracking a little while later and acknowledging what had already been confirmed by the police. Tequila's also believed to be the last person to have seen the Johnson & Johnson heiress alive. [TMZ, NYP, NYDN]
• It looks like when Beyoncé performed in St. Barts on New Year's Eve, she was doing so at the behest of Hannibal Khadafy, the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafy. This would be the same man who is rumored to have broken his wife's nose last month, was arrested in 2005 for punching her, and was detained by the police in Geneva in 2008 for beating his servants. So either Beyoncé is really hard up for cash (which is doubtful), or she needs someone to vet her public appearances going forward. [P6]
• The third White House state dinner crasher has been identified. His name is Carlos Allen and he's a DC-based party promoter, and he managed to sneak into the White House by hopping on a bus filled with Indian diplomats. [WP]
• Susan Sarandon has denied reports that she's involved with Jonathan Bricklin, her partner in SPiN, the ping pong club on the East Side. But a source close to the 31-year-old entrepreneur says Bricklin and Sarandon spent New Year's together and were very "touch-feely." [Fox411]

Born into the Johnson & Johnson clan's billions, Casey Johnson was among the first celebutantes to decamp to Hollywood in search of 21C fame. She died alone in a crumbling Mulholland Drive mansion, her body undiscovered for days.

Update 2: OK: Casey Johnson is actually dead. LAPD confirms it. Earlier tonight,TMZ reported embattled socialite Casey Johnson was found dead this morning in L.A of undetermined causes. She was 30.

Casey Johnson—the troubled heiress, socialite, daughter of Jets owner Woody Johnson, and alleged fiancée of reality TV "star" Tila Tequila—was found dead in Los Angeles this morning. She was 30. [TMZ, NYDN, E!]

• Brittany Murphy's funeral has been scheduled for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. In other Brittany news, her super-sketchy husband Simon Monjack, who indicated initially that he didn't want an autopsy to be performed on Murphy, now says he wants to know exactly what caused her death, although he also says he's sure it didn't have anything to do with her having a drug problem or eating disorder of any kind; the coroner in LA is completely baffled how information about Murphy's giant cache of prescription drugs made its way to TMZ and says he's planning a full investigation; and in what may be the most twisted development of the day, it seems Murphy's LA home has already been added to a "Haunted Hollywood" tour.
• Poor Mischa Barton. She showed up at the Whole Foods in Soho with her Shih-Pom, Ziggy, and was then informed that the store doesn't permit dogs inside, even those that happen to belong to semi-famous people. [NYDN]
• Steven Tyler of Aerosmith says he's been addicted to painkillers for years and is now heading to rehab. [People]

In Dubai, Carrie and the girls flout their steepest recession yet. Dr. Conrad Murray films a show, Brittany Murphy could cry out of one eye at a time on command, Carrie Underwood flaunts her engagement ring. Wednesday gossip is decadent.

Band-Aid heir, filmmaker, and Vanity Fair contributor Jamie Johnson has some pretty eccentric family members. (Perhaps you've heard of Casey Johnson, Jamie's first cousin, who's been in the news recently? That's her on the far right, with her "fiancée" Tila Tequila.) Well, it seems Jamie's friends are pretty strange, too.

• It's still unclear what caused Brittany Murphy's death in Los Angeles yesterday morning. While the coroner has indicated the 32-year-old actress appears to have died from "natural causes," it's been reported that lots of prescription drug bottles were uncovered by cops at the scene, and some friends say they'd grown increasingly concerned that she was abusing painkillers. An autopsy is planned for today or tomorrow, but an official cause of death may take a couple of weeks, pending the results of toxicology tests. [NYP, TMZ, People, Sun]
• Murphy's death has put the spotlight on her husband, sketchy 39-year-old screenwriter Simon Monjack, who married Murphy in 2007. [NYDN]
• Tiger Woods set sail on his 155-foot yacht Privacy on Saturday accompanied by a bunch of friends. Where he's going is anybody's guess, although considering the boat has a range of 4,000 miles, it could be anywhere. As for his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, now that she's retained a divorce lawyer, she's reportedly gearing up to ask for full custody of their two kids and half of his fortune, which has been estimated at $600 million. [NYP, People]

Eight-six virgins descend onto Chris Brown, who we are now supposed to believe is a "gent"; Barbara Walters makes sweet love to Frank Langella; Catherine Zeta-Jones shows her tits. Monday gossip is so juicy, it will run down your chin.

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a complaint with the BBC, which was filming Lohan's efforts for a documentary. In any event, LiLo must be totally, like, spent from saving the world: She returned to the U.S over the weekend after spending less than a week there. [Telegraph, People]
• In other LiLo news, the Lohan family website is now selling some of her secondhand clothes. If you'd like to buy Lindsay's hideous wardrobe from back in her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen days, you're in luck. [P6]
• The New York Post has added an esteemed new columnist to its roster! Ashley Dupre is the paper's new love, sex, and relationship columnist. In her first column, Dupre answers questions about a rebellious teen, how to tell if one's husband is unhappy, whether or not to share your "number," and also offers up some Christmas gift ideas. There's even a video to go with it in which Dupre is dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl. [NYP]

BigLips Lohan's claim of rescuing Indian children? Notsomuch. A Christmas tree at Hotel Griffou takes one for the team. Kardashians: God hates you. Halle Berry's still hot. And #servicey! Patti Smith: hotness. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

The worst meltdown of Casey Johnson's life coincides with a career high for Tila Tequila, a mysterious flower bouquet arrives at the Woods residence, and Liza Minnelli settles a $100M lawsuit for sexually assaulting her bodyguard. Thursday gossip, voila.

Last week at this time, nutty Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was sitting behind bars, having been arrested for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and underwear from a former model named Jasmine Lennard. (She was also accused of leaving behind a wet towel and used vibrator as her "calling card," but that's another story.)

• Tiger Woods' mistress tally is quickly approaching the double digits. Jamie Jungers, a Las Vegas model, says she had a two-year affair with Woods; then there's Cori Rist, an aspiring model, who says she started seeing Woods after meeting him at Butter. To top it all off, porn star Holly Sampson has also been mentioned as a woman Woods was involved with, although she's yet to confirm or deny the report. Meanwhile, Queen Oprah thoughtfully reached out to Tiger over the weekend and offered him the opportunity to tell his side of the story, and that may be his best chance yet of somehow saving his rep at this point. [NYDN, E! NYDN]
• Alexa Joel, the daughter of Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley, is recovering at home after what seems to have been a suicide attempt on Saturday. Joel took a bunch of homeopathic sleeping pills—possibly because she was upset over a break-up—and then called 911 herself. [NYP, NYDN, NYP]

Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears was molested as a kid. Usher is a girlyman. Captain Scuzzybutt Esq. will make Page Six one day. Natalie Portman's "tits." Barbara Cocoran's PR team. Presenting your late-edition Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: