A Phoenix man became trapped inside his SUV on Thursday after he lost control of the vehicle, causing it to roll over and strike a utility pole. In the process, the driver rear-ended another vehicle driven by a man named George Lindell, who later described the events to local Fox affiliate KSAZ-TV in this amazing interview that you must watch immediately. After all, "Reality hits you hard, bro." [MyFoxPhoenix; Thanks to Mike Byhoff for the tip]

Tofu-loving Tennesseean Whitney Calk has teamed up with PETA to protest being denied a vanity license plate that says ILVTOFU (I love tofu) because state bureaucrats misread it as I LV TO FU, which they found offensive, because fucking. Which is odd, since I find tofu more offensive than fucking, but that's beside the point.

Reese Witherspoon is recovering from "minor injuries" after being hit by a car in Santa Monica. The driver was the elephant from Water for Elephants. Kidding! It was an 84-year-old woman who was cited for failure to yield. [KTLA]

Few articles better capture Joe Biden's caricature as a creepy aging swinger uncle from the '80s than The Onion's 2009 "Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway." But has a shirtless Joe Biden ever really washed a 1981 Trans Am in his driveway? No! It was a different muscle car altogether.

Street justice, extraordinary overkill edition: A boy throwing rocks at cars took a crossbow bolt to the belly yesterday, apparently as retribution for throwing a rock at a Toyota RAV4. The RAV4 had several passengers, one of whom literally went medieval on him, pulling out a crossbow and shooting the kid right then and there. Funny, I would have taken Goliath for more of a Chevrolet kind of guy.

Wha—? Maybe—? No, I have no idea, I'm not going to bother trying to evaluate. This surreal video apparently shows a pair of National Guard trucks driving down the street in Manville, NJ, fully submerged in water. At the end of the video, camo-uniformed guardsmen climb out the windows and onto the vehicles' roofs. As the increasingly annoying cameraman wonders, "How is that possible?"

DOs and DON'Ts for when you get a DUI:

A 43-year-old dentist from the Chicago area, William Anthony Howe is recovering in the hospital after he crashed head-on into another car on the interstate last Saturday. Howe was going the wrong way and the two people in the car he crashed into are dead. And it gets worse: A witnesses told the Chicago Tribune that Howe "was rifling around his passenger seat and picked up a handful of cash and threw it out the window." Several cars pulled over to grab the money. Shockingly, Howe was driving a red Porsche. So, why would some dickhead in a Porsche make it rain while driving the wrong way on the interstate? This could have something to do with it:

The Telegraph is reporting that Mr. Bean, officially known as Rowan Atkinson, has crashed his $1 million, very purple, and apparently very fast McLaren F1 sports car in Britain. Thankfully he's okay after suffering a minor shoulder injury, but his car burst into flames after slamming into a tree. But seriously, look at that thing.

Gurbaksh Chahal should be enjoying his life. He's made an estimated $150 million, wrote a bestselling book, lives in an opulent penthouse and was officially declared buff. But on Facebook it's clear the guy is going through hell. It's about his Ferrari, and it's just awful.

Tonight, Stephen Colbert opened the Report with talk of an imminent due date. No, not Tuesday's debt deadline, the one tomorrow night on Facebook for drivers of Nissan's electric car, the Leaf, to submit ideas for an official gesture to "wave" at fellow owners on the road. Which is lame and sad, of course, but nothing compared to the secondhand embarrassment you'll feel after making it to the end of Colbert's segment.

This morning, down in the desert deeps of El Paso, a 5-year-old child was found, at 1 am, behind the wheel of his mother's minivan after driving it into a pole. The boy tried to flee the scene but was caught. His intended destination? Candy.

Last month, performance artist IEPE and an anonymous crew stopped traffic in Berlin's Rosenthaler Platz intersection and dumped 2,000 gallons of water-based, environmentally friendly paint onto the pavement. The intersection was then reopened. What happened? Find out in the video above. [via Architizer]

Is the 2011 Tour de France cursed? Just one week after a spectator caused the massive pile-up at the beginning of the granddaddy of all bicycle races, a car covering the race for a French TV station sideswiped Juan Antonio Flecha during today's ninth stage.

Police have released the findings from their investigation into the violent, fiery death by car crash of Jackass star Ryan Dunn and passenger Zachary Hartwell: Dunn, who was driving, had a blood alcohol content was 0.196, more than double Pennsylvania's legal limit of 0.08. His Porsche was traveling between 132 and 140MPH at the time of the crash. [TMZ, image via Getty]

A 7-year-old kid in Michigan stole his stepfather's Pontiac Sunfire and drove more than 20 miles at speeds above 50 miles an hour. When police finally stopped him, he was wearing his pajamas and crying that he wanted to go visit his father. Aw, it's almost cute!

Horrible news for all of you criminals who already have Two Strikes and would really, really prefer not to get a third: the Supreme Court ruled yesterday that fleeing the police in a car is, by definition, a "violent felony."

There are not many situations where you wish a mother would bring her baby into a strip club, but here's one: Police in Louisville, Ky., arrested 43-year-old Laura DiPrimo and 28-year-old Thomas Lee for leaving their infant in their car, outside the strip club, in 91-degree heat. At 11 p.m. Both parents admitted to drinking, and "Lee was wearing an ankle bracelet because he was supposed to be on home incarceration in Clark County, Indiana." [WAVE]

About 10 percent of California's population is registered to carry a disabled parking placard, which enables them to park for free, forever, in designated spots. In a state where driving between rooms in your foreclosed house is standard, these placard thingies have become hot items, as you might imagine!

Obesity is a complicated disease. It can be caused by your mom's pregnancy diet, genetics, your KFC Double Down habit, or some combination of all three. But why has the problem reached such epidemic proportions in the U.S.? Researchers at the University of Illinois think our car culture may be to blame.