Wooooo yeah. In Hugh Lofting's classic children's book Dr. Doolittle, there's an imaginary animal called a pushmi-pullyu. Shit yeah. It has two heads, one on either end of its body, and can't move because it's always pulling itself in two directions at once. Hell yeah. This is kind of like that, except instead of a weird goat thing, it's a VW Passat, and instead of standing in place, it's doing the most bitchin' donuts you've ever seen. Awwwww fuck yeah!

Jerry Seinfeld's "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee," a webseries about Seinfeld getting paid to drive classic and/or expensive automobiles, just picked up Amy Schumer in a semi-functional '70s Ferrari for a chat about dating, having a short temper, psychotherapy, and whether Kate Upton is funny (no).

It's a tale as old as time: boy meets car, boy fucks car, boy moves on, lives life, fucks more cars, gets confused, fucks human, falls in love (with car), settles down, keeps a few sidepieces, and fucks a helicopter here and there, too, whenever he can get it.

A postal worker in Bellevue, Wash. allegedly went on a hysterical rampage on Friday morning that resulted in hitting a town resident with her truck not once, not twice, but three times, all while laughing hysterically.

Look at it. It's a tire. It's just a wheel on a car that you drive all the time. If it's flat, who's going to change it? Me and your mother? Learn something, for chrissake.

Former Teen Mom Farrah Abraham, fresh from landing what she claims is a $544,000 contract to dance at an Austin, Tex. strip club, has wisely reinvested the money in her burgeoning frozen yogurt business. Just kidding: She bought a very expensive new car.

This is an axe in a windshield on I-95 in Massachusetts. How did this particular axe get in that particular windshield, not far from that particular woman's head? The Massachusetts State Police explain:

Wesley Mark Terrell, a 60-year-old man from Oconee County, Georgia, had a perfectly reasonable explanation when cops asked him about the dog that was locked inside his car on a recent 99-degree day.

Recently, a man took a leisurely ride on North Carolina's Interstate 77, not in his car, but outside someone else's.

The day before I went to Detroit, the city imposed a curfew due to fears of violence. The city was also in the process of shutting off water to thousands of its residents. It sounds bad. But as long as you stay inside a sealed corporate bubble the whole time, you'll never even know these problems exist.

Above, we see someone attempting to parallel park their mid-sized sedan in a very big-sized spot.

Nancy Fredrickson had just parked her car in front of her Seattle home when she turned around and saw a gun pointed at her face.

In case you were worried, police have recovered Miley Cyrus' missing Maserati. It was found in Simi Valley, 45 miles northwest of Los Angeles. Fan fiction entitled "The Adventures of Miley Cyrus' Missing Maserati" is a free idea for the taking.

Researchers are feverishly working on a "GPS bullet" that cops could shoot at your car, attaching itself to the chassis and helping law enforcement track your vehicle's movements. Don't worry, the ACLU is... not entirely against it? Hrmm.

A Massachusetts mom threw herself under a car and used her body as a speed bump to save her two-year-old twin daughters earlier this month.

If you're looking for a way to peak your heart rate today, Denver area drug suspect Ryan Stone had the city rapt this morning when he led police officers in a three-car carjacking, one which included an unattended four-year-old boy.

Not even a police officer will stop a white guy trying to break into a car—but if a black guy tries he'll be in handcuffs in minutes.

You care about the environment, eh? You want to stop global warming? You support switching cars and trucks and buses to "clean burning natural gas?" Wrong! Our best-laid plans only hasten our demise.

How dangerously would you drive your car, just to get a baby to make this face? How many laws would you break?

Four people were struck and killed by automobiles in New York City this weekend, bringing the number of pedestrian fatalities this month to nine. In response, the NYPD is cracking down... on jaywalking. This is like blaming the deer for getting in the way of the hunter's bullet.