Sunday is Easter, which means that today's the last day when you can go to the drug store and find a sprawling selection of the seasonal sweets that only Jesus' resurrection brings. Everyone has their favorite treat around this time of year, and your selection says a lot about you. Now is your time to head to CVS and get a bag or box of your candy of choice, because after tomorrow the "Easter Bunny" will have bought up all the goodies. But before you go for that sugar rush, let's take a look at what your selection means. [Photo above via Flickr]

This new viral campaign for Skittles asks you not to taste the rainbow, but to touch your screen. At first, it's pretty adorable—kittens are involved!—but then, the crazy comes out. Yuck!

Watch perfectly puffed rice, tuna sashimi, and even salmon roe magically appear from sugar powder and a ton of prep work. Candy should never be this complicated, except when it looks this awesome. Only in Japan!

Usually, Valentine's Day candy hearts say boring things like "I LOVE YOU" and "MY BABY" (or, once, "WEB SITE.") But if you're lucky you'll get something exciting—like the 12-year-old who got a candy heart that said "NICE TITS."

The manufacturers of Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars pulled their product off the shelf when they found twice as much lead in them as is legally permitted. The bars come in cherry, raspberry, apple, and new irony flavor.

Cindy Mauro, half of the sexxxy lesbian teacher duo fired from a Brooklyn high school for a-lezz-edly sexing in a classroom, has filed a wrongful termination lawsuit, just as fellow-teacher Alini Brito did last week. Must they do everything together?

If you had to advertise some sort of chocolate candy, what would you do? If you're in Japan, you'd put your head—and the heads of your friends—onto cartoon birds' bodies and have them walk in a circle... right?

You may be too old for trick-or-treating, but there'll still be ample treats around the office and at the parties you attend this Halloween. Here's the candy to avoid if you want to fit into your costume again next year.

You may have heard of the World's Largest Gummy Bear, but that pales in comparison to the World's Largest Gummy Worm! It weighs 3 pounds, packs 4,000 calories, and is 128x the size of a standard gummy worm.

James Franco poses for a transvestite magazine. Kim Kardashian is "down for some hookups." Michael Lohan tries to visit Lindsay and gets rejected. Freak escalator accident nearly kills Bruce Willis. Wednesday gossip is full of surprises.

Halloween is a few weeks away, and you know what that means: holiday-themed commercials! This one for Snickers, which features a freaky woman in the grocery store who pushes the candy on an unsuspecting woman, is awesomely weird. Watch inside.

DaiJyoBu Ginger Candy is being recalled in California due to "an elevated level of lead." Nice.

[The Guinness Book of World Records has certified that this chocolate bar, made in Armenia, is the world's largest ever at 9,702 pounds. Image via AP]

Today is the first day of an America without candy cigarettes. Banned by a smoking prevention law prohibiting candy and "fruit-flavored" cigarettes, the badass big brother of the Pez dispenser is officially contraband. Update: Wait! Candy cigarettes can stay!

Some very bored soul made a very cool Cadbury Creme Egg smashing machine. His roommates must be such patient people.

If you give your kids candy they'll end up in jail, scientists have now proven.

The Way We Live Now: Not fucking around, that's for sure. Would you be fucking around, in this day and age, when neither soothing twopenny candies nor free alcohol can calm the bloody Central Park Balloon Vendor Wars?

Interesting: during this recession, candy sales are way up. Even the unemployed are finding that in tough times, it doesn't cost much at all to help trend story writers. [NYT]

America faces many problems today, but none is as pressing as the epidemic of our children smokin' Smarties. Yes, the media are scaremongering. But are they scaremongering enough?

Click to viewBoomp3.com Popular actress Lindsay Lohan stopped by a Los Angeles area gas station to pick up what she considers to be her life force: candy! The star of such films as I Know Who Killed Me and Just My Luck purchased the min mart’s entire stock of Sprees, Sour Patch Kids, and a few bottles of Nesquik chocolate milk. Lohan hoped her restocking mission would keep her going through at least Wednesday afternoon. [Photo Credit: WENN] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.