Okay, I get that there aren't many good choices out there, but still: Newt Gingrich gets the most support in this Fox News poll asking, "Which Republican presidential candidate would you trust MOST with nuclear weapons?" We're finished.

This is Michele Bachmann's finest hour. I mean, for us, not for her. What do you think? My impression is that when you make a comically low-budget ad throwing together some clips of pretty much every other candidate being liberal-ish once or twice in their lives and sourcing your claims, however valid or not, with "www.wikipedia.com," you're likely in the twilight of your run.

In a major reboot of his flagging campaign, Rick Perry is releasing a far-reaching government reform plan that would radically transform Congress and the Supreme Court at a structural level.

In a meeting with the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's editorial board, Herman Cain was asked whether he agreed with President Obama on Libya or not. Maybe that was vague, but that's a good thing! It invited him to simply deliver his canned spiel about Libya. He did have a canned spiel about Libya, right?

Michele Bachmann thinks America blew it by extending a safety net to millions of Americans under President Johnson's "Great Society." Her solution? Model the economy after communist China.

Around this time last week, we gave the fickle Republican base voters 10 days to start getting over this Herman Cain thing and commence with the "Gingrich Surge," "Newtmentum," "The Newtening," "Fat Head Makes Good" — whatever you prefer. With three days to go, it looks like they're complying. We were just screwing around. Oops!

Let's call it the Rich Uncle Pennybags debate. Tonight, Our Losers will square off in their first presidential debate in weeks, hosted by CNBC. It promises to be a banner night for plutocrats, and is intended to focus entirely on economic issues — specifically, how to stop the War on Wealth. What horrors await?

Here's the problem with Rick Perry's campaign: He and his SuperPACs have all this money, but no one really likes him anymore or has any interest in re-liking him. Where's all this money he duped everyone out of early on supposed to go? As of now it looks like he'll just keep saturating Iowa teevees with his same heartland-y ads over and over.

With the one and only "superlawyer" Gloria Allred by her side, former National Restaurant Association employee Sharon Bialek today shared her tale of receiving unwanted, aggressive sexual advances from Herman Cain in 1997.

Mitt Romney, when pressed by a New Hampshire editorial board about his *somewhat* contradictory opinions on top political issues over the last decade, had this to say: "I've been as consistent as human beings can be." Hmm. Really? He must be joking. Really? Oh, Mittens.

It's already been reported that one Herman Cain's sexual harassment accusers got $35,000 in her settlement. Now Politico reports that the other got $45,000. So we're zeroing in on what the so-called "cost of doing business" is.

A third woman has accused Herman Cain of "what she considered aggressive and unwanted behavior by Herman Cain" when she worked at the Herman Cain-led National Restaurant Association in the 1990s.

The biggest question coming out of Politico's hot potato of a story about Herman Cain's supposed history of sexually harassing employees was, you know, what did he do?

Ah, so this is that version of Rick Perry who, according to folklore, is known to chug a full bathtub of champagne and benzos. It's his latest Iowa ad! "I'm a doer, not a talker," he says, cheerily, allowing sprightly music to plug up the holes in his otherwise hackneyed message. The man couldn't be any happier, as he skips off to a garden party in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Good news for Herman Cain: He's come up with a better response to that question about whether he's ever been accused of sexual harassment than asking the reporter the same question! Bad news: His new answer is yes.

The Jon Huntsman 2012 campaign is leveraging three of his daughters in a bold attempt to win over the youthful YouTube Parody Watcher vote! These gals have been quietly tweeting jokes about the other candidates for some time now as @Jon2012girls. And now they've made a parody of Herman Cain's chief of staff smoking ad, in which they blow bubbles instead.

We're at the point in the presidential campaign where Herman Cain was supposed to be dropping out and having a nice, leisurely tour to promote his latest motivational book. And yet here he is having to give, and screw up, all of these national media interviews all the time, as the frontrunner. Some "supporters" those supporters are, giving him all of this support! It's time to "slow down," says his campaign.

The Texas Tea Party Patriots, using what must be an alternative pricing model, will charge $200 for general admission to its upcoming "modified Lincoln-Douglas style debate" between Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain.

How much does Michele Bachmann's campaign hate New Hampshire? So much, say her ex-staffers there. And now it's mailed in her ballot paperwork instead of staging the usual in-person event. How rude! New Hampshire doesn't take kindly to mail.

Rick Perry has spent a few days going out of his way to question the validity of President Obama's birth certificate, either because he has actual doubts or just wants to make some jokes with Donald Trump.