A mom who thought she was properly parenting by sending her two young kids to school with a homemade, whole-food lunch was shocked to find a penalty note from school officials informing her that the lunch of roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges and milk she provided was "unbalanced" and therefore had to be supplemented with Ritz crackers.
Canadians are good people. They are not grotesquely fat like Americans, they are not smoking ghetto drugs like the Americans always do, and they are not running around with a bunch of suburban hoodlums called "The Goonies," which is from an American movie. When the world thinks of Canada, it thinks of artists and poets like Leonard Cohen and Neil Young, and also the Canadian Mounties in their proudly un-ironic uniforms. There is no irony in Canada, because people are good. Rob Ford should be kicked out of Canada, right into that immense freezing lake that has for so long kept the vulgar Americans out of the nice part of North America.
A Quebec man survived for more than three months in the Canadian wilderness after a bear attack left him unscathed, but his food gone and equipment ruined. He was found Wednesday, hypothermic and dehydrated, in the already very cold conditions of northwestern Quebec. His beloved dog however, didn't survive.
Five months ago, I flew to Toronto to meet a crack dealer. We hung out together briefly in a car, he showed me a video on his iPhone of the mayor of Toronto smoking crack cocaine, and then he split. Subsequent events unfolded, and for reasons that escape me and make me fundamentally question my settled views on Canada and Canadian-ness, Rob Ford is still the mayor of Toronto. Anyway, it turns out the cops were watching us the whole time.
Windsor city officials were sent scrambling for the red phone this week after a local news station alerted them to a bushy, 10-foot-tall penis that popped up overnight along the waterfront.
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no horse can climb on the roof, of course, that is, of course, unless that horse is bored.
One angry family is swearing off Coca-Cola products for good after finding the words "You Retard" printed underneath the cap of VitaminWater bottle.
The New York Times reports that between mutations, resorbed twins, invasive fetal cells, marrow transplants, and who-knows-what-else, what looks like one individual person—maybe you!—is often in fact a chimeric mashup of multiple different sets of DNA. In one Canadian autopsy study, 63 percent of women had some male neurons in their brains, presumably from "cells originating in their sons."
After having his beloved Raleigh hybrid lifted by a thief from right outside his apartment in the pre-noon hours of August 21st, Quentin Matheson resigned himself to never seeing the 13-year-old bike again.
