Canadian air force Captain Brian Bews is a lucky man. While training for an air show, he was beginning a maneuver called a High Alpha pass when sparks shot from the engine. He bailed out seconds before the plane exploded.

When border police arrested 29 year-old Eugene Todie at the Canadian border, they found he was wearing one of those court-ordered ankle GPS ankle bracelets. But Todie had an excellent excuse: It was a show of support for Lindsay Lohan.

The Way We Live Now: gracefully submitting to our new overlords. There's no use trying to fight it any longer. As our jobs disappear, our investors flee, and our populace falls victim to scams, one thing is clear: Canada rules.

Giant hogweed, an enormous plant whose sap can burn skin—not to mention cause blindness—has been found in Ontario. If you see it, contact the authorities, and maybe try shooting at it with a gun, or something. [CBC via]

Here's video of a mounty arresting two people in Burnaby, BC last week as their RABID TERRIER tears at his leg. That's not the weird part. At :35 in, it seems a rodent disappears inside one suspect's... ass? Watch inside.

Let's face it, hockey is only worth watching for the fights. And one man, Bob Probert, made fighting on the ice an art form. He died yesterday in Ontario at 45. He ranks fifth all-time in NHL penalty minutes.

Queen Elizabeth of England is coming to New York City! And good thing, too, because she seems to have been really bored in Canada, where she just spent eight days. At least, according to these photographs.

[Queen Elizabeth II, visiting Canada today, goes on a tour of the RIM Blackberry factory. Also today, Buckingham Palace released figures stating that the monarchy's upkeep cost $57.8 million, or 94 cents from each citizen, over the last year. Getty]

[A photographer captures Queen Elizabeth of England and her boy-toy Phil in Ottawa, watching a dancer and wondering why they colonized the bloody continent in the first place. Pic via Getty.]

[Queen Elizabeth II leaves a wigwam as she attends a Mi'kmaq event in Canada, which she is visiting with the Duke of Edinburgh for an eight-day "recreate odd dreams I once had" tour. Pic via Getty]

Toronto went off this weekend! The G-20 summit was held there, so some angry Canadians converged on the city to protest, burn and loot. Who are these violent anarchists? They came in from Quebec, naturally.

Toronto police have arrested over 500 people since yesterday morning in connection with G-20 protests that turned violent, with cop cars being burned and businesses in downtown Toronto vandalized.

A crazed French Canadian media tycoon named Pierre Karl Péladeau is trying to make himself the Canadian Rupert Murdoch. His scarily named Quebecor corporation announced today that it is launching a cable news network based on Fox News.

A Montreal family was killed when the "sensitive clay" on which their home was built spontaneously liquified and gave way. "Even a fly landing on the surface can set it off," geologist Michel Bouchard said. [NYT; pic via AP]

Did you know the world's largest beaver dam can be seen from space, if by "space," you mean, "Google Maps"? It is in Alberta, Canada; it is a half-mile long; and it probably took two decades to build.

Making metaphors on the futility of war through combined stop motion and live-action experimentation, two titular Neighbours fight to the death over the only thing they've ever had to share: the single flower that blooms between their identical homesteads.

According to a new BBC poll, the entire world does not hate America anymore. We're still not back to the 1980s "I'll trade you my Yugo for a pair of American blue jeans" level, but it's still nice!

Fergie Oliver, co-host of hit 80s Canadian game show, Just Like Mom, seems to have a special place in his heart for the little girls onstage, distracting his young contestants with Humbert Humbert hubba-hubbas.

Well, which is it, Matt? Is Obama too subservient or too uppity? (Oh, wait—he's just uppity to the white man, as he sells our sovereignty to the Yellow Peril. Got it!)

After being banned from speaking at a Canadian college for hate speech, Ann Coulter visited The Joy Behar Show to plead her case. When Behar asked her, "Why did you call John Edwards a f*ggot?" Coulter just squirmed and laughed.