Actor/squatter Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, are seeking refugee status in Canada. Evi told the CBC, "We feel our lives are in danger," and referenced "murdered" actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine, who were friends with Randy.

When provoked, nerds may react with the fury of a cave troll. Earlier this week, a Canadian high school student was beaten at the hands of a group of kids he trash-talked in the computer game Warcraft III.

Colonel David Russell Williams was commander of Canada's largest Air Force base. He was also a bizarrely organized panty thief who "meticulously photographed" his crimes. His illegal proclivities escalated to rape and murder. Today, he pled guilty to 88 charges.

Friday night, Justin Bieber got kicked out of a laser tag center in Richmond, British Columbia after a 12-year-old claimed Bieber hit him. Justin and his bodyguards showed up and allegedly proceeded to rough up the joint. Oh, baby.

Unlimited health care! Avandia outlawed! Mammograms dismissed! MS pills! Safe sex banned! Fat Canadians! Overweight college girls! And scary AIDS facts! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while eating and sexing, all at once!

Netflix had a big press event to promote its launch in Canada today. Dozens of random members of the public showed up, happy to give the assembled press soundbites. Except these people were paid extras!

During a recent stop in Edmonton, Canada, Justin Bieber stopped by a Hooters at the West Edmonton Mall. Here is a picture of Beiber posing with women whose boobs are the size of his head.

The Gallup World Giving Index ranked the world's countries by how generous they are. The fat, rich, spoiled United States of America came in fifth. Fifth! It's a national shame! So who's first?

Remember Mike Nahrgang, aka the Internet meme "Mustard Man"? Well, he's back—and mainstream!—with a funny PSA for the city of Toronto that encourages citizens to recycle their unwanted electronics. You don't want 'em? They do! Video inside.

Two hikers trekking through Canada's Jasper National Park stumbled across the body of a mountaineer, William Holland. Who died in 1989, and whose corpse was preserved by the ice. And that, my friends, is why you should never go hiking.

Grad student John Boldt had his laptop (which held his thesis) stolen. But he backed everything up, so no big deal, right? Well: His backup hard drive was stolen too, and now he may have to drop out.

Canada rescued passengers from a cruise ship stranded on a rock in the Arctic Sea. How nice of them! The U.S. probably would have just released greenhouse gases into the atmosphere until sea levels rose and the ship was free.

Lady Gaga wore a studded metal corset to the airport in Vancouver and had to undergo an individual security check instead of the metal detector. She must have left her hat made of plastic explosives and knives at home. [NYP]

Khuram Sher was one of three men arrested in Ottawa today under suspicion he planned to carry out attacks as a member of a terrorism group. He also sang Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" on Canadian Idol two years ago. Video below.

Tonight on Chelsea Lately, Alanis Morissette spoke about her unexpected pregnancy (like, really unexpected), the holiday named after her in Canada (which she hates), and marijuana (which she enjoys). Video inside.

A mysterious woman brought two car loads of chihuahuas to a local shelter, abandoning a total of 43 chihuahuas in 24 hours. Did a Canadian pet shelter just save 43 puppies from the Cruella De Vil of chihuahuas?

23-year-old Ashley Kirilow allegedly faked having cancer to raise $20,000 for her fraud charity. She turned herself in yesterday and has been charged with three counts of fraud, for which she faces up to two years in prison.

Meet your new devious cancer-scammer: 23-year-old Toronto resident Ashley Kirilow. She shaved her head, waxed her eyebrows, plucked her eyelashes and allegedly scammed more than $20,000 through her charity, "Change" for the Cure.

The estimates on the oil spill in southern Michigan's Kalamazoo River are getting worse, with the EPA last night saying there could be one million gallons of oil in the water. And this is not the oil company's first spill.

A lady goes to a store to apply for a job. On the way out, she steals an outfit. She wears the outfit to her interview and does not get caught, until she shoplifts again. On her way out. Again.