Eager for work in the financial industry, an MBA student fired off a PowerPoint presentation entitled "9 Reasons Why You SHOULD Hire Me As Your Investment Banking Analyst." And, because, "Passion Is Business," she reportedly landed several interviews.

Fiji Water announced it's shutting down operations in Fiji after the government imposed a harsh new tax on water bottling and had a Fiji Water executive deported. Where on earth will they ever find more water for their square bottles?

Brace yourself for some shocking news: The feds are preparing "vast" insider trading charges against a slew of investment bankers, analysts and hedge fund executives. Included are some loose-lipped Goldman Sachs bankers who leaked health-care merger information to benefit investors.

Let us explain. The hagfish is a blind, slimy, deepwater eel-like creature that darts into the orifices of its prey and devours them, alive, from the inside. Which is what Tina Brown is doing to Newsweek.

Speaking of Oprah, remember James Frey? A former Gawker intern, Frey is probably better known for the time he made up a best-selling memoir and Oprah yelled at him. Well, he's got a new venture, and it sounds absolutely terrifying.

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp yesterday announced it was closing four more banks, bringing this year's total to 143 — up from 140 banks closed all of last year. But hey, their total assets should be lower, says the FDIC!

After a down year by their standards, Somali pirates are finally back in business: For the release of two tankers they were paid a record ransom of $12.3 million. "We are now counting our cash," one pirate gloated. [BBC]

The tab for BP's oil spill is expected to reach nearly $40 billion, the company said as it announced its third quarter financial results today. That's $7 billion more than expected, thanks to pesky legal fees and cleanup operations. [Bloomberg]

The Securities and Exchange Commission has set up a huge new $452 million fund for whistleblowers in the finance industry. As the saying goes: If you see something (or your shady co-workers doing something) say something! You could get paid.

A presidential commission yesterday found that BP and Halliburton knew that the cement mixture used to seal the Macondo well before the oil spill had "repeatedly failed lab tests." You should probably grab some Halliburton shares while they're hot.

Millennia-old, fitness-crazed pop singer Madonna has partnered up with some investors to open ultra-luxe Hard Candy gyms around the world, the first a 30,000 sq.ft. megaplex in Mexico City. Just what sets a Madonna gym apart from the rest?

Point Comfort, Texas is home to an Alcoa alumina plant, which spews clouds of red dust into the air, coating residents' clothes and and eating the paint off their cars. But don't worry because it's not harmful, says Alcoa. [AP]

Have you ever wanted to smell like a city? Now's your chance: The City of Beverly Hills next year will debut its own line of perfume, emblazoned with the city's logo because it is a "center of fashion, sophistication, energy."

As if working for McDonald's didn't suck enough aready: The company may drop health insurance for 30,000 hourly employees.

Glenn Beck has been lambasted for being a Goldline huckster. But for the fourth straight day in world markets, the price of gold has broken previous records, trading at $1,313.45 per ounce. A weaker dollar means a richer Beck!

Donald Trump is building a probably tacky golf course along the picturesque coast of Aberdeenshire, Scotland and not everyone is happy about it. And while investigating complaints about Trump's shady business tactics, two filmmakers were arrested on the property.

There's a new survey out ranking the best financial firms to work for and (surprise!) Goldman Sachs is number one. It's no contest, especially when Goldman offers fun, camaraderie, and big ass bonuses. The past is history at Goldman Sachs.

While still drilling a relief well in the Gulf of Mexico, BP has been adding up the total cost of its environmental catastrophe this summer. Of the $8 billion BP has spent so far, $399 million went to claims.

If you're attractive and/or a girl, this doesn't apply to you. But the rest you, meaning those who poop, listen up: Your pooping technique is incorrect, a groundbreaking story reveals. You've been sitting on toilets, which gives you diseases.

How sad must the traveling merchant class be? What do they long for at night, in their hotels, after closing hot business deals? Well, 25 percent of these men, supposedly, cuddle with stuffed animals, weeping themselves to sleep.