To say it had not been a great fourth-quarter for Research in Motion, the Canada-based makers of BlackBerry, would be putting it mildly. There was that embarrassing North American outage, flatlining sales of their new smartphones amid steady growth for competitors, and a stock that has depreciated 77 percent since February of this year. What these guys could really use right about now is some positive publicity. Hahahahahahaha! Sorry.

Earlier today, our office receptionist got a call from a secretive man demanding my phone number, though he wouldn't say why. (She thought he sounded angry, though perhaps he was just excited.) He settled for my email address, and sent the following message:

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, who only 13 days ago declared that he was "increasingly concerned about the growing mobs occupying Wall Street and the other cities across the country," appears to have transformed into a radical communist. He's now acknowledging that America's vast income inequality is potentially problematic. He'll flesh out his ideas in a speech tomorrow at that most suffering of institutions, the Wharton School of Business, where most of the people responsible for our income inequality crisis have picked up a degree or two.

Last week, Wal-Mart was caught selling some regular nasty pork labeled as "organic" pork in some of its stores in China. Funny, right? Just a normal funny nasty pork China Wal-Mart story. Well, hello: it's snowballing out of control!

America! What is wrong with you? Despite the fact that Wal-Mart is the only store of any size left in your post-apocalyptic economically decimated little towns, Wal-Mart's sales have been falling for two years now. Important update: it's getting worse!

America is little more than prairie riddled with chain stores and fast food restaurants, so when a big national store it's bankrupt, it's a bit like losing a vapid but beloved family member. We just lost Borders. Is Quiznos next?

You know those fancy elevators where you type your destination on a keypad, and then it groups riders into specific cars for maximum efficiency? They are increasingly used to segregate the unwashed masses from their corporate bosses, The Wall Street Journal reports.

Panasonic's North American headquarters are currently located in Secaucus, New Jersey. Today, the company plans to sign a lease to move its headquarters ten miles down the road to Newark, New Jersey. Why? Because the state of New Jersey paid them more than $100 million (in the form of tax breaks) to do so.

Groupon clone LivingSocial just raised a terrifying $400 million in a funding round, half of which will go to the investors smart enough to get in early on this total knockoff coupon site. This comes just months after Groupon raised, like, a billion dollars in their own funding round. Is this even remotely sustainable?

If you're disappointed by your own unemployment or depressed salary in the post-recession era, at least be heartened that some of your fellow Americans are doing well: According to the Times, CEOs at 200 major corporations made a median $9.6 million last year, with Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman pulling in $84.5 million for the top spot. Yes, corporate profits are way up, and along with them executive compensation; and while the Times notes that "so far, this recovery has not trickled down," we're sure it's only a matter of time! And, until then, absolutely no need to tax the super rich at higher rates. [NYT; image via Shutterstock]

Ceaseless couponing behemoth Groupon has provoked serious grumbling lately as businesses wake up to the fact that these deals may not be in their best interests. Today: business owners who've used Groupon speak!

Among businesses, the initial reaction to the concept of Groupon was: "Give our shit away for half price? Well, it's good advertising." But now, that reaction is changing to: "Give our shit away for half price? Ehhh."

How dead is Soviet-style communism? This dead:

The violent government crackdowns on protests across the Middle East this year are apparently starting to weigh on the minds of Western governments who supply despots with the latest, greatest killing machines on the market. Well, sort of.

Over the last several years, Libya has transformed itself from regional pariah into a country where foreign leaders are begging to pose for a grip-and-grin with Brother Leader Muammar el-Qaddafi. How did this happen?

As you may have noticed, the Huffington Post's name begins with the letter "H." But don't say it! Because they've trademarked it. The letter, that is. So it's theirs now.

Crop circles are so '90s, but that didn't stop one from appearing in an Indonesian rice field last weekend. Thousands of people are now traveling there, and paying entrance fees, to see it. Crop circles: way more lucrative than farming.

We're just one week into the New Year and guess what? We have our first bank failure! The First Commercial Bank of Florida was closed by the FDIC on Friday, and it will only cost $78 million. Not bad.

The Cherry Lane Theater, once the stomping grounds of writers like O'Neill, Odets, and Beckett, is shutting down. The owner bemoans the current theater need to "hav[e] a film star in...productions... I don't want to do theater like that."

The small Nevada towns near the 'Burning Man' festival site are effectively jobless and broke after USG Corp., which owns a gypsum mine and produces wallboard, announced the closure of its local operations. What will happen to the drug festival?