A reader risks grievous bodily harm by sharing her experiences behind the gray door of Club 33, Disneyland's shadowy inner sanctum, where the rich and powerful drink the blood of the gods and bring Beelzebub's infernal reign ever closer:
· Executives flee as soon-to-be Weinstein-free Miramax like rats from a sinking ship. Or if you like a somewhat less dated analogy, fleeing like an assistant being beaten by Harvey Weinstein brandishing a rolled up copy of Talk magazine. [Variety]
· We've already linked to Variety's coverage of WGASignatureGate, so here's a link to THR's reports. [THR]
· Dan Rather will step away from the smouldering splinters of his CBS News anchor's desk tonight, but if you're getting this information from the trades, we recommend that you leave the production office once in a while.[Variety]
· Aisha Tyler, Loni Anderson, Scott Foley, Jonathan Schaech, Sarah Wynter, and Christine Taylor...you know what we're going to say re: pilot season. Don't make us do it. [THR]
· Keanu Reeves is set to bring his peculiar brand of confused-looking, monosyllabic star power to bear in Columbia's epic The 8th Voyage of Sinbad. We hope he wears a fez and some baggy pants! [Variety]
Disney.com's whistle-blowing Disney Insider throws back the curtain on the park's ultra-secret Club 33, a location so shrouded in mystery that the mere mention of the place by a non-member carries the harshest of Magic Kingdom reprisals, the public chewing off of the genitals by Pluto at a Character Brunch. But how does one gain entry to this inner sanctum, which, incidentally, is the only place in the park that serves booze?
It's way too early for us to even attempt to wrap our minds around the Writers Guild inside baseball that's been brought to our attention, but here's a quick summary of what we can piece together as we rub the sleep from our eyes: WGA West president Dan Petrie Jr. signed (forged is such a harsh term) the name of WGA East president Herb Sargent on his report card before showing his unacceptable algebra grade (when will these writer types start applying themselves to their math homework?) to the judge that's mediating their current financial dispute.
· Clear Channel takes steps to conquer China, where they hope to defeat communism by replacing government-controlled radio stations with 24-hour broadcasts of Linkin Park. [Variety]
· Quentin Tarantino has lost his mind: QT considers writing and directing a new installment of the Friday the 13th series. [THR]
· OK, now Fox is just making shit up: Fox greenlights lifestyle makeover series Who Wants to
Live Forever? for at least four episodes. At the end of each show, one lucky contestant will be beheaded and submerged in a vat of liquid nitrogen until science advances enough to grant them immortality. [Variety]
· Oh the humanity of pilot casting! Dennis Hopper, Rob Estes, Regina "I'm in Everything" King, Brent "Lt. Data" Spiner, Joely Fischer, Jennifer Esposito, Brooke Burns, and—gasp!—Dan Cortese, all hard at work on shows you'll never see. (Except for Hopper, who's in a Jerry Bruckheimer project. We'll never get rid of that show.) [THR]
· Bruce Willis will star in 16 Blocks for Avi Lerner's Millenium Films. Obviously, none of the parties involved have read the script. [Variety]
· Bored with appearing in roughly 65 percent of the commercials currently in rotation on network television, Sarah Jessica Parker signs a television development deal with HBO. [THR]
The LAT's Patrick Goldstein profiles producer Avi Lerner, who's graduating from Steven Seagal/Jean-Claude Van Damme straight-to-video fodder to big-budget movies with Bruce Willis, John Travolta, and Nicolas Cage that will occupy a nicer shelf at the local Blockbuster. Lerner reveals the first rule of producing in Hollywood: Reading is overrated.
Attention all Sony staffers: Do you find yourself tense and burned out from a day of making movie-widgets for your corporate Japanese masters and need a place on the lot to decompress? Finally, a chance for relief:
· Sony America head Howard Stringer will take over as chairman and CEO of the entire Japanese company. America wins! Wait, Stringer's not American? Eh, we've stopped caring. [Variety]
· Nicole Kidman and Robert Downey Jr. in negotiations to star in Fur, a film about photographer Diane Arbus, written and directed by the folks who brought you Secretary. We have no idea is this means that Downey will bend Kidman over the edge of a desk for some spanking, but we can always hope. [THR]
· Shrek 3's not set for release until May 2007, but DreamWorks has already hired a writer to begin work on Shrek 4; Jeffrey Katzenberg is anxious to raise the necessary capital for his utopian all-film-executive colony on Mars. [Variety]
· We're a little tired of writing it, but they keep casting: Everyone works during pilot season! Lara Flynn Boyle, Henry Winkler, Jessica Capshaw, and Jason Priestley get in on the action. [THR]
· ABC wins Sunday with the ostensibly non-piece-of-shit TV movie, Their Eyes Were Watching God. [THR]
· Martha Stewart goes home after life-affirming time in prison, ready to capitalize on her stay with a line of "Prison Bitch" lifestyle products. The napkin rings made from the phalanges of her former cellmate are certain to be a best-seller. [THR]
· Nic Cage signs on for the Neil LaBute's thriller The Wicker Man, which, sadly for all of us, appears to have nothing to do with the Josh Hartnett vehicle Wicker Park. [Variety]
·These stars will probably never reach your television with their pilots: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Stockard Channing, Jane Curtin, Fred Savage, and Don Johnson will collect paychecks for the next month. [THR]
· NBC orders at least 10 episodes of Treasure Hunters, a reality show that has teams solving puzzles, criss-crossing the globe in a quest, and trying to discover exactly how they became trapped in the 1980 Michael J. Fox movie Midnight Madness. [Variety]
· House gets a pick-up for a second season. E-mail from Fox head Gail Berman declaring the show to be an "enormous hit" to follow. [THR]
· The Brad Grey Era at the New Paramount™ begins with a splash, we guess, as Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, and Gael Garcia Bernal sign on for the drama Babel. We still like our idea for the Pitt star vehicle The Man of Few Words Who Smells Something Funny and Likes to Shoot Guns better. Perhaps Mr. Pitt can discharge a firearm somewhere in the picture and satisfy us? [Variety]
· Not to be outdone by Brad and Cate, Jennifer Aniston will hook up with Meryl Streep (figuratively, of course) to star in Wanted for Plan B, her and Pitt's still-kicking production company. [Variety]
· Two women who were once married to smarmy stars (Geena Davis and Rebecca Romijn) get pilots. Everybody works during pilot season! [THR]
· Jack Valenti comes down off the MPAA mountain to explain why Gunner Palace (the most profane PG-13 movie—ever!), received its rating. The reason? "Because I fucking said so! Now get outta my yard, you movie-pilfering imps!" Also, realistic portrayal of war, etc etc. [THR]
· Even with just a half-hour of American Idol and one arm tied behind their back, Fox takes Wednesday night. Next week, Fox will tempt Nielsen fate by running an hour of Idol commercials, and still will draw 25 million viewers. [THR]
Some of you might remember this casting notice from January, in which the producers of CSI: NY were trolling for a certain Miramax tyrant type to kill off on the show. ("Think Harvey Weinstein. He has a weight problem, can’t stop eating.") Since our TiVo has strict orders never to record any Jerry Bruckheimer production, we needed a reader to inform us that they finally snuffed the faux-Harvey last night:
After receiving the news that her network had "dominated" the February ratings sweeps, Fox entertainment president/Arrested Development booster Gail Berman took some time out from high-fiving everyone in the office to send out this e-mail crowing about their big win. She brags about how the network didn't even need that little Super Bowl thing (really, that was just piling on), but we're left with one question that's pretty easy to answer: What if you take away American Idol? A: Berman gets fired! Given that the alternative to victory was the Hollywood breadline, yeah, we'd be boasting too.
· One of those shows that people used to watch before Jerry Springer allowed hicks to hit each other with chairs is nominated for a bunch of awards. [Variety]
· House, 24, and oh yeah, some little shows thing called the the Super Bowl and American Idol lead Fox to a February sweeps win in the coveted key demographic. [Variety]
· THR analyzes the season's surge in comedy pilots. And? There are more of them, actors are extorting more money because of the resulting casting crunch, and in the end, Fox will go right back to airing American Idol four times a week. [THR]
· But you already knew this, like, two days ago: The staggeringly pretty Jude Law dumps CAA for the warm embrace and promised fatter bags of money that Endeavor offers him. [Variety]
· The New Paramount loves to buy things! Brad Grey's little elves get the rights to teen-superhero comic series
Invincible. The script will be penned by the comic's creator, Robert Kirkman, and then quickly rewritten by fifteen uncredited writers. [Variety]
· The feel-good Hollywood story of the year: top execs at MGM make out like bandits with multi-million dollar severance packages while their underlings brace for unemployment. [Variety]
· "Stevens brushed aside constitutional questions about whether the government has the right to regulate indecent speech on pay TV services." Rights? Constitution? Fuck that, there are naked titties and swear words on HBO that need them some good old-fashioned indecency finin'! [THR]
· The overall Oscar ratings were down, but at least Chris Rock delivered some extra eyeballs from the 18-34 demographic. Repeated Cuba Gooding references by Rock also increased viewership significantly in the coveted Gooding demo. [Variety]
· SAG CEO Bob Pisano to resign, AFTRA executive director Greg Hessinger will take his place. Ask your waiter to explain the implications. [Variety]
· Everybody works during pilot season: David Arquette, Marilu Henner, Kristen Johnson, and Laura San Giacomo cast in pilots, may reclaim valuable items from local pawn shops. [THR]
· Antione Fuqua, fresh of off not directing American Gangster, will direct the Messiah-ass-whupping-free Under and Alone, starring Mel Gibson. Gibson contract, however, contains a rider allowing him to act like he's God's gift to man. [Variety]
Now that the legendary Sherry Lansing has gone down on her knees for the last time and has been packed away in styrofoam peanuts in a film vault on the lot, the Brad Grey Era officially begins at Paramount today. The LAT's Patrick Goldstein (Rob Schneider's BFF) offers the newly-minted mogul some advice as he tries to turn around the studio:
· The usually hilarious Chris Rock boosts Oscar ratings to a five-year high by toning down his act enough not to induce heart attacks in frail Academy members (while boring most everyone else). [Variety]
· The Little Euthanasia Engine That Could: The inspiring tale of how Oscar darling Million Dollar Baby made it to the screen. [Variety]
· For about $250,000 per episode, TBS gets the rights to air According to Jim re-runs. We sincerely hope that the network doesn't denude the groundbreaking sitcom of its trademark edgy humor as it commutes to basic cable. [THR]
· Everbody works during pilot season, part the tenth: Christopher Lloyd, Tom Berenger, and Luke Perry pick up temporary paychecks. [THR]
· Losers drive Beemers: Variety's website is covered in BMW ads featuring Best Supporting Actor also-ran Clive Owen. [Variety]
Here's the latest incremental report from the Disney/Miramax divorce talks, courtesy of the LAT: After weeks of Harvey and Bob Weinstein leaving scrawled, lovelorn notes underneath Disney CEO Michael Eisner's windshield wiper, pretending to have headaches and rolling over to go to sleep without any good-night nookie, and calling Eisner in the middle of the night and hanging up, the two sides have inched ever closer to finally splitting. The Weinsteins will reportedly get $100 million and will keep the Dimension Films banner, while Disney will retain Miramax, the studio famously named after the Weinsteins' parents. Some lament that the Weinsteins have to sacrifice their parents' namesake in the deal, but for a settlement that large, we imagine that the brothers would have presented their mother's severed head to Disney in a hatbox.
· Iraq war documentary Gunner Palace wins an appeal with the MPAA, earns the title of Most. Profane. PG-13. Movie. Ever. [Variety]
· Everyone works during pilot season, part 100: Tiffani "Don't call me Amber" Thiessen is cast in CBS sitcom pilot Stroller Wars. [THR]
· HBO moves Six Feet Under to Monday nights just to watch broadcast network execs shit their pants. [Variety]
· Poker no longer red hot: Debra Messing joins Drew Barrymore and Eric Bana in the Curtis Hanson poker flick Lucky You. [THR]
· Just in time to sustain the industry's feel-good vibe from the Oscars, the MPAA announces more lawsuits against movie downloaders and file sharers. This might just be a rumor, but we've heard that Dan Glickman is going to castrate one of the pirates right after the "Recently Dead" montage in the Oscar telecast, then feed his balls to a ceremonial MGM lion. [Variety]
We hope that former superagent/Disney president-for-a-day Michael Ovitz hasn't packed away his nicest court suits, because he's being sued by a former pal and business partner Ron Burkle over some failed dot-coms. When billionaires sue mere hundred-millionaires over amounts equal to their Aspen ski chalet decorating budgets, things are guaranteed to get nasty:
