♦ In an interview with Barbara Walters which airs Friday, Peter Cook says it was Christie Brinkley's fault he cheated on her because she wasn't "meeting his needs." Oh, also, he'd like you to know he's really not a pervert. [NYDN]
♦ Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel are back together, although friends say they're "taking it slow." [People]
♦ Angelina Jolie got a tummy tuck, or at least that's what the Star says. [Star]
♦ Amy Winehouse's spokesperson says the singer is not suicidal. In fact, the rep says, "she's fine." Of course she is. [People]

Hot off the pages of Britney.com, we bring you these stills from the set of "Womanizer"—a new single that announces with a man-hating electrothump that the Queen of Pop is back, and for real this time, dammit. So productive has the New, VMA-Festooned Britney become, she plays three separate vixens in this production. In the accompanying photo, Britney is a PVC-bustier-rocking hotel cocktail waitress delivering a snifter of Courvoisier with a snarl, presumably to whichever Timbaland protege produced this song. More stills after the jump!

Now that Britney Spears has seemingly been free of drugs and scuzzy males for a little while, her parents are hoping to make the rebirth stick by banning her from having sex for the next six months. Spears (left, in another life) has never been romantically linked to a decent man in her adult life, and that might have something to do with her parents' crap treatment of her as a fleshy commodity when she was still a kid, so one could imagine their happiest daydream lately is a celibate, childlike Britney in the body of a grown woman.

Britney Spears getting out of an SUV at JFK ... Sarah Ferguson signing copies of her book at Borders ... Taylor Momsen on the Gossip Girl set ... Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise leaving their apartment with Suri ... LL Cool J reading to kids as part of a charity event in Rockefeller Plaza ... Candice Bergen walking by herself on the Upper West Side ... Calista Flockhart outside the Letterman show ... Leighton Meester posing for photos at a domestic violence awareness event in Union Square ... Elizabeth Hurley entering her hotel on the Upper East Side ... and Sean and Robin Wright Penn holding hands outside the premiere of What Just Happened.

John Mayer leaving a Krav Maga session on West 22nd Street ... Sarah Jessica Parker and Caroline Kennedy making a promotional appearance at the Barnes & Nobles in Tribeca ... Alex Rodriguez having lunch outside at Bar Pitti ... Katie Holmes signing autographs outside the Schoenfeld Theatre ... Madonna and son David walking into the Kabbalah Center ... Sandra Bernhard leaving the center with her daughter hours later ... Kate Walsh and Barry Sonnenfeld outside the Letterman show ... Britney Spears heading inside Soho House ... and Jay-Z standing on the sidewalk in the West Village.

• Heather Locklear's DUI bust? Called in by an ex-Us Weekly staffer who now runs a paparazzi agency. She watched Locklear get into the car, then snapped pictures as she was taking her sobriety test. TMZ paid her more than $27,000 for the shots. And, uh, for ensuring road safety or whatever. [Scoop]

♦ Britney Spears went to a Bronx school yesterday to visit some children. Unfortunately, the school was closed for the second day of Rosh Hashanah, so her handlers had to rustle up a bunch of other kids for the photo op. [OK!]
♦ Adnan Ghalib is backtracking on his Britney sex tape story. He now says there never was one to begin with. [MSNBC]
♦ Larry Flynt says his company has already shot a new porn movie starring a Sarah Palin look-alike, although he's not revealing the title yet. [R&M]
♦ Are Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady getting married? [Chicago Sun-Times]
♦ The woman who spotted Heather Locklear's car swerving and dialed 911 was former Us Weekly staffer Jill Ishkanian, who now runs a paparazzi photo agency of her own. [MSNBC]

[The Spears New York Trip, Day 3. The misbegotten pop star, who seems to be inching closer and closer toward redemption, at a school in the Bronx today; image via INF]

Like Bigfoot, the legend surrounding Britney Spears's sex tape is one that refuses to go away, no matter how terrifying it might be to eventually lay eyes on the real thing. Also, much like Bigfoot, recent news that appeared to finally confirm its existence may have been dashed, as the sex tape's supposed peddler, paparazzo ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, is claiming that no such thing exists. First Anne Hathaway, now Britney — is any celebrity sex rumor safe? Said an angry Ghalib to Star:

• Barack Obama gave Leonard Nimoy the Vulcan hand sign at a campaign event. In case we needed confirmation of his complete dorkhood. [P6]

Madonna carrying son David into the Kabbalah Center on East 48th Street ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... Blake Lively shooting a scene for Gossip Girl in Times Square ... Pete Wentz leaving the SoHo Grand with a coffee in hand ... Denzel Washington and wife Pauletta leaving lunch at Nello's ... Clay Aiken leaving the Shubert Theater ... Jennifer Hudson posing for photos outside MTV in Times Square ... Anne Hathaway standing outside outside the Letterman show ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment en route to the Schoenfeld Theatre ... and Britney Spears making her way into the Fragment jewelry store on Prince Street, then checking out In The Heights on Broadway later that night.

♦ Harvey Weinstein may be a million bucks poorer today. Or maybe not! After yesterday's email debacle, Harvey says he'll donate $1 million to the Robin Hood Foundation once he can verify that Scott Rudin's email is "authentic," which means he'll probably conduct an "investigation" into the matter until it blows over. [P6]
♦ Janet Jackson has been released from the hospital. But fiancé Jermaine Dupri doesn't seem too concerned. He hasn't missed any of his scheduled party appearances the past few days. [People, R&M]
♦ Britney Spears' lawyers have been working overtime to quash the sex tape she made with Adnan Ghalib. [The Sun]
♦ Salma Hayek was spotted in Paris with her ex Francois-Henri Pinault, which means it's time to start speculating about whether they're getting back together. [Daily Star]

[Pop star Britney Spears in Soho, today! Possibly right now!; image via INF]

• People snagged those Clay Aiken baby pictures for $500,000 after newly-frugal OK! dropped out of the bidding. [P6]

Kate Winslet picking up her kids from school with her ex-husband, Jim Threapleton ... David and Victoria Beckham shopping on Fifth Avenue ... Michelle Williams' daughter Matilda walking in the rain with her nanny ... Mariska Hargitay walking on the street ... Ali Larter outside the Today show ... Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, and Suri leaving Alice's Tea Cup on East 64th Street ... Jennifer Hudson showing up to an appearance on BET's 106 & Park ... Michael Cera and Julia Louis-Dreyfus outside the Letterman show ... Jennifer Lopez making an appearance at Macy's in Herald Square for the launch of her new fragrance ... Rapper T.I. leaving the Waverly Inn ... and Britney Spears leaving Serendipity 3 with a bunch of handlers.

♦ Britney Spears' former boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, says he has a sex video featuring him and Britney which he's willing to part with for the right price. And you thought you were done buying sex tapes after the Verne Troyer masterpiece this summer. [NYDN, E!]
♦ Heath Ledger's life insurance company is calling his death "suspicious" and says it won't pay out his $10 mil. policy until it interviews everyone involved, including Mary-Kate Olsen. [NYP]
♦ Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie just had twins. But it's Tuesday, which means they're already thinking of adopting another kid. [Daily Mail]
♦ DJ AM and Travis Barker are both out of the hospital. [NYDN, People, P6]
♦ Janet Jackson checked into the hospital in Canada yesterday. [People]

The Three Fates are almost done spinning the American narrative, Atropos readying her scissors to deliver one final snip. When the story is done the great heralding beacon of the end of days will burn brightly, in the form of a Britney Spears sex tape. Yes indeed the misbegotten pop star apparently filmed herself in flagrante delicto with her old creepy paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, and now he's waving it around threatening to release it. How did we get to this point? Well, after the jump we'll take a look at three other celebrity sex tapes that, had our foresight only been as 20/20 as our hindsight, we could have recognized as the end of everything.

Though Britney Spears is currently shooting the video for her upcoming single "Womanizer," it's another, very different clip that's begun to attract attention: a long-rumored sex tape involving the then-bewigged star, shot in Mexico by her former paparazzi beau Adnan Ghalib. Now, Ghalib is finally confirming the sex tape's existence, and he says he's willing to sell it to the highest bidder:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Recently resurrected pop star Britney Spears looks like she has succumbed to her old vices as she was spotted double fisting frappuccinos outside of a chain coffee store over the weekend. The staff at the major chain seemed unsure about selling the second adult milkshake to the recovering singer, but Spears assured them that the second drink was for a friend out in her SUV. The coffee team quickly regretted their decision as Spears pounded one of her drinks like an inexperienced Chico State student at his first keg party. One of the employees said, “I should’ve known that she wasn’t going to share. She doesn’t look like somebody that would share. Now, Julianne Moore? That’s a woman who’ll split a pizza with you.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

[Singer Britney Spears at JFK airport in New York yesterday; image via INF] lobstr's new line beats the original, "Kevin!!!"