• The British paparazzi have seen it all over the years, but even they were surprised by a shopping expedition by Beyoncé in London last week. The singer required two chauffeur-driven cars/limos and a small army of bodyguards to escort her to the store. Even though it happened to be located about 15 yards from the front door to her hotel. [Telegraph]
• On-again, off-again couple Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli appear to be in "off" mode, according to People. But Us says Bar and Leo are still together and even have photos of the couple shopping yesterday to prove it. Say a little prayer and hope for the best, won't you? [People, Us]
• There doesn't seem much doubt about the status of Kanye West's relationship with model Amber Rose. West's rep has confirmed that it's over. [P6]

The ne plus ultra of "Stories That Prove Gawker's Just Trashy Celebrity Click-Bait Now" has finally happened. And we don't even get paid by the page view any more. What a rip.

Brad and Angelina are getting married in New Orleans, Brooke Shields settled with the National Enquirer for kidnapping her mother, Mariah Carey is getting fat, Pete Doherty shot up on a commercial flight, and Denise Richards is addicted to boob jobs.

Britney is hell bent on meeting the Queen and is planning a "pop-in," Kristin Cavallari is pissing off Audrina Patridge on the set of The Hills, Brangelina denies breakup rumors AGAIN, and Jon Gosselin and his mistress are photographed on vacation.

• Madonna's backup dancers haven't been making friends at the Bryant Park Hotel. Reports a staffer: "They are presumptuous and cheap. Nearly every one of them have stiffed their bellman and servers, and what's worse is they have tons of stuff." [P6]
• The situations continues to deteriorate for Lindsay Lohan: She's rumored to be pawning jewelry to pay the bills. [Star via Popcrunch]
• Britney intends to "drop by Buckingham Palace" and say hi to the Queen when she's in London, which is awfully generous of her, isn't it? [Mirror]
• The circumstances surrounding David Carradine's death are still a little murky. Suicide? Sex-related accidental death? The investigation is still underway. [People, Us, TMZ]

Ashlee Simpson got drunk at a party and made a spectacle of herself by screaming at Pete Wentz's ex Michelle Trachtenberg, Brad Pitt shares hygiene secrets, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush marriage rumors swirl, and Chris Pine dumped Audrina Patridge.

Today in celebrity fluff: Amy Winehouse is a morning drinker, Eminem was robbed, Lindsay Lohan storms through London, Simon Cowell reaches out to help Susan Boyle, Lily Allen has a nip slip, and Paris Hilton may get married this summer.

• Lindsay Lohan is stirring up a bit of trouble in Paris. Apparently she's been in discussions with Emanuel Ungaro about signing on as a "creative consultant," although Ungaro's Esteban Cortazar is threatening to walk if that happens. [P6]
• An "insider" says a "fragile" Britney Spears doesn't really want to be on tour, but her dad has been forcing her into it. [MSNBC]
• Christie Brinkley says she has no plans to get married again and doesn't really know why anyone would bother getting married, but does still believe in "true love," if that's any consolation. [Us]
• Amy Winehouse's "last-ditch" plan to sober up isn't going so well. Instead of six shots of tequila for breakfast, she now settles for two. [DM]

Britney is planning the "filthiest aftershow party" to ever hit the UK, Lady Gaga wants to bang all the Jonas Brothers at the same time, Lindsay Lohan is seeking to enter fashion as a "creative consultant," and the Susan Boyle crazy breakdown story gets even sadder.

Spencer and Heidi implode on the set of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, Madonna and Kate Hudson kinda almost get into a catfight, Billy Bob Thornton's daughter is charged in an infant's death, and Lori Petty spent the weekend in the slammer after getting arrested for DUI.

May 28 @4pm @ Barmarche with a crowd outside staring in. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

• A recent Elle photoshoot with Britney Spears turned out to be a bit messier than expected. [P6]
• A photographer has filed suit against Chris Brown. He's claiming the singer's bodyguards beat him up when he tried to take pics of Brown in March. [Us]
• Is Anthony Weiner engaged to Huma Abedin? [P6]
• Jay-Z is supposedly in talks with Lyor Cohen to set up a new record label at Warner Music. [NYDN]
• Chace Crawford may be having a fling with 19-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Esti Ginzburg. [P6]
• Jane Fonda knows how to travel. She pretends she's injured so she can cruise through security in a wheelchair, apparently. [NYDN]
• Get ready: Prince Harry arrives in NYC tomorrow. [NYDN]

Spencer Pratt's hot new rap single drops on iTunes, Britney sports a two-piece, Hayden Panettiere's tattoo artist can't spell and fucked up her new ink, some crazed Idol fan attempted to strangle Simon Cowell's ex-girlfriend outside the show's studio after the finale, and Amy Winehouse in in the hospital AGAIN!

• Paris Hilton's reps have been asking event planners in Cannes for $100,000 appearance fees. Sadly, Paris isn't having much luck getting them to go along since, well, "it's not 2002." [P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker says she's worried about the health of the surrogate mom carrying her twins, since tabloid reporters have been harassing the poor girl and trying to hack into her computer. [People, LAT]
• A documentary about Amy Winehouse is reportedly in the works. Should be entertaining! [People]
• Katie Holmes showed up with Suri at last night's American Idol finale. This is good news since it means Tom finally let her out of the house. [Us]

John Mayer went out on Saturday night and raised the bar on celebrity cheesedickery, David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are making out in public all over East Village, and Fergie admits to being bi-sexual.

• Lindsay Lohan is certainly having a good week. Not only did she finally land another acting role—she'll be appearing in The Other Side, along with Woody Harrelson, and Giovanni Ribisi—but she may be getting her own clothing line at JCPenny, too. And the cops are getting closer to figuring out who broke into her house, too, which has got to be good news. [NYDN, People, NYP]
• These are tough times for Jennifer Aniston, clearly: Bette Midler is now providing her with dating advice and says Jen should sign up on JDate and find "a nice Jewish boy" with "a lot of money." [NYDN]
• Rihanna is "convinced" it was Chris Brown who leaked nude photos of her last week as payback for not attending his birthday party. [NYDN]
• Chelsea Clinton has a six-pack! [P6]

LA police, responding to an alarm at Lindsay Lohan's home, thought the house had been "ransacked," when in fact it was merely the dwelling of a slob. George Clooney parties like an fratty ibanker.

• Brooke Shields can't seem to make up her mind about who's to blame for the Kiefer Sutherland-Jack McCollough incident last week. A few days ago, her reps denied she'd been pushed by Jack. But now she says he did bump into her, and that Kiefer "has always been a gentleman" with her. Go figure. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Madonna took her kids to a Mets game on Mother's Day, which was all part of a plan to make Alex Rodriguez jealous, apparently. Also, the singer/diehard baseball fan sat in Jerry Seinfeld's seats and hung out with the Anderson Cooper the whole time, just so you know. [P6]
• More topless photos of Carrie Prejean have surfaced online. [TMZ]
• Barbara Walters wore the same dress to the Time 100 gala and the White House Correspondents' Dinner. The horror! [TMZ]
• Maya Rudolph and PT Anderson are expecting their second child. [People]

• After 16 years of marriage, Stephanie Seymour has filed for divorce from her polo-playing, art-obsessed husband, Peter Brant. And it doesn't sound like he's taking it well: The mogul reportedly changed the locks on the couple's Greenwich mansion, and is now forcing Stephanie to sleep in the maid's quarters and threatening to take custody of their three kids. The good news, at least as far as the public's concerned: From the looks of it, the split could be just as riveting as last summer's Brinkley-Cook saga. [P6]
• Kiefer Sutherland is expected to turn himself in to the NYPD today for headbutting Jack McCollough. The penalties may be stiff, too, considering he's still on probation from a 2007 DUI arrest. [NYP]
• The Malawian father of baby Mercy says he was appalled by what Madonna wore to the Costume Institute gala this week, since she should "feel ashamed in that gear." We couldn't agree more. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan spent the night at Sam Ronson's house and changed her BlackBerry messenger name to "LL loves Sam Ronson" on Tuesday, which probably means the two are getting back together. [People]

• It wouldn't be fashion's biggest night without a bit of drama thrown in to spice things up. Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, and Christy Turlington are reportedly skipping the Costume Institute gala this evening, possibly because Kate Moss was chosen to co-chair the event; meanwhile, Karl Lagerfeld, Azzedine Alaia, and Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana are all staying home, perhaps because Marc Jacobs has "commandeered the event" by buying two tables and dressing Moss, Madonna, and Kerry Washington. [P6]
• The Chelsea Clinton wedding rumors continue: The Boston Globe reports the former first daughter and Marc Mezvinsky may get hitched at Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen's home on Martha's Vineyard in August, which is when the Obamas will be in town, too. [BG, NYDN]
• Kelly Killoren Bensimon says picking on her has become "the new recession vocation." Sounds about right. [R&M]