One of the saddest parts of Britney Spears' protracted public meltdown was that her life at the time was in the hands of people who were at best extremely sleazy and at worst plainly manipulative. One of those people was her then-boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, who was a paparazzo, which speaks for itself, really. The other was her manager/"life coach" Sam Lufti, who wormed his way into her life after claiming to have worked for Kevin Federline as private eye. Sounds bulletproof, I know.

A new report from Radar Online alleges that the reason Britney Spears hasn't been responding to your texts or leaving comments when you check in to Saad's Halal on Foursquare is that both her Internet and cell phone usage are "heavily monitored" to protect her from any negative influences like you and your drunk momma and that skateboard crew you roll around with. Also, her former manager says drug-sniffing dogs found crystal meth in her house once.

As previously mentioned, an aspiring X Factor contestant who didn't make it through the first round of auditions alleged that he was "bullied" into admitting that he was gay on the show. Don Philip, who sang with Britney Spears on her debut album, said he was "set up" to reveal his homosexuality onstage based on a pre-audition reveal and had subsequent thoughts of suicide.

Britney Spears' former duet partner is mad that The X Factor made him reveal that he's gay and mad it didn't air. What?

Those expecting sunshine and catatonia from Britney Spears' new gig as X Factor judge must have been surprised to see how dismissive and blunt she proved to be on last night's Season 2 premiere of the Fox singing competition.

On today's episode of Ellen, South Korean sensation Park Jae-Sang, AKA Psy of "Gangnam Style" fame, makes a surprise appearance to show host Ellen DeGeneres, guest Britney Spears, and members of the audience how to do his signature dance moves (tip: dress classy, dance cheesy).

Are you ready to meet your new American Idol judge?

Fox made a huge deal out of snagging Britney Spears as a judge on The X Factor during upfronts. And sure, as a pop star and recovering hot mess, Spears is a perfect choice for that panel. But how much judging does she actually plan on doing?

It looks like the beginning of the end coincides with the unfortunate onset of the fedora.

One of our national treasures, "K-Fed," suffered a minor setback on the Australian weight loss show called "Excess Baggage" and was hospitalized due to chest pains, The Telegraph said. A spokesperson for the show confirmed that Federline's pulse rate spiked to an unhealthy level during one of the show's fitness challenges. The trip to the ER was just a precaution, though, and Federline was in no way close to dying. His weight on the show is listed at 105.4 kilograms, which according to this little conversion site is 232 pounds of lost dignity.

Britney Spears is engaged to a normal (though how normal could he be, really?) named Jason Trawick. According to TMZ, Jason was poised to pop the question tonight, but after a mysterious status update cropped up on Le Spears' Facebook wall earlier this afternoon, it would appear that the engagement took place last night.

Vocal fry: It's not screaming when you burn yourself while cooking bacon. It's how all the coolest young women are talking! Get on board with the glottal sound of the future.

Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.

Just like everything else about her nuptials, it seems like Kim Kardashian jumped the gun ordering her holiday cards with her wedding photo on them. Kristen Wiig is hanging out in her undies. Katy Perry is not pregnant. Paz de la Huerta ruined the ending of Boardwalk Empire. Tuesday's gossip has been known to make mistakes.

Britney Spears spent Halloween night performing a concert at London's Wembley Arena with Joe Jonas, whom she recently signed on to the European leg of her Femme Fatale Tour. The downside of performing a concert on Halloween, of course, is missing out on all of the trick-or-treating fun. But luckily for Jonas, Spears made up for the candy shortage by performing a little striptease for him, complete with semi-awkward straddling! Here's an incredibly clear and up close video of it. [via YouTube]

Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after only 72 days. That's only two and a half months. Apparently celebrities are especially susceptible to being married for very short periods of time. Here are some that were so short they make Kim's look long, and some that lasted a bit longer and make Kim's look short, sort of like when she'd stand next to her future ex, Kris Humphries.

Britney Spears hasn't shown much of a wild side in the past three years, at least in public. But her music videos are as risqué as ever, as you'll see in this new Bonnie and Clyde-inspired one for "Criminal," which features Spears and real-life boyfriend Jason Trawick being quite felonious in the very few moments they're not busy having sex.

Royal horror: Pippa Middle got into an upskirt photo situation at London Fashion Week. Now, the simplest way to avoid an upskirt photograph is to wear longer skirts or pants. (Or live in a world with civility. Hah! Right.) Unfortunately, starlets live in a world where the skirts are short, the cars are fancy and difficult to climb out of, and cameras are everywhere. Consequently, starlets' vaginas are in perpetual peril. How do they deal with this? Now presenting the Seven Highly Effective Habits of Starlets With Cameras Pointed Up Their Skirts.

Maggie Gyllenhaal lends vibrators to female friends. Michaele Salahi and Neal Schon say their adultery is "like a fairy tale." Kendra Wilkinson describes "sex on a jet ski." Wednesday gossip likes to share.

In this video, a polyester lingerie-clad Britney Spears wraps a hot pink boa, then her legs, around the neck of a grinning and handcuffed Pauly D from Jersey Shore. See the pop star work out various childhood traumas on the strange, shellacked gremlin. Listen to screaming female youths replicating the sound your stovetop tea kettle makes when it boils.