It’s safe, at this point, to say that presidential candidate and human Kewpie doll Donald Trump is not a fan of Mexico or its people. But surely he has some begrudging respect—or even admiration—for women with functioning breasts? It might surprise you to learn—or maybe it won’t—but he’s not a fan of those either.

There is, as it turns out, something more mortifying than watching R-rated sex scenes with your family.

After a brief scare over reports that Rupert Murdoch-owned rag The Sun was pulling out of the softcore porn biz, some good news: big British knockers will remain available to look at via newsprint.

Rich dad Kanye West is no secret admirer of comically large body parts, and also expensive art. So the reason behind his past collaboration with Japanese artist Takashi Murakami is no surprise: humungous fake breasts.

Chelsea Handler's bare breasts were on Instagram for roughly half an hour Thursday night after she shared a topless photo of herself riding a horse.

German police are currently on the bizarre case of woman who allegedly abets robberies by spraying people with breast milk, distracting them while others apparently steal money. The woman, dubbed "The Milk Sprayer" by police (really!), recently hit a Darmstadt pharmacy , blasting two employees.

A very excited young man evidently didn't expect to see a pair of naked breasts on HBO's Game of Thrones, a show based on George R.R. Martin's novel series A Song of Tits and Swords.

You may remember 34-year-old Israeli model Orit Fox from a viral video that circulated a few years ago, in which she openly flirted with a snake and the snake proceeded to bite her on her clearly fake breast and then some guy off camera frantically said a string of non-English words ending on "titty," and everyone laughed despite the horrific snake bite that just occurred because "titty" is universal.

Even Michael Powell thinks Nipplegate was overblown, now.

Say what you will about the pickup bros who went around motorboating women in exchange for breast cancer research donations, they were not dissuaded by rejection.

The self-styled pickup artists who went around motorboating women with the ostensible goal of raising money for breast cancer research had their $7,000 donation rejected by the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, and the bros are blaming the "haters."

New biological research into aging has found that "a woman's breast tissue ages faster than the rest of her body." Scientists involved in this research were using their microscopes to look at boobs.

Simple Pickup is a YouTube channel normally devoted to the fine art of mackin' on chicks.

Does the layabout "Millennial" generation, composed primarily of— not to engage in reductive stereotyping—greedy little sellouts, have any redeeming qualities whatsoever? Perhaps.

As temperatures continue to skyrocket into the low to mid-sixties up and down the East Coast, many beautiful and strange-looking women will soon find themselves faced with the eternal conundrum of summer: how to deal with a too-hot boob. Luckily for some, the NYPD is here to remind us that anything goes in New Boob City! Whip off that top. Wipe off that top-colored body paint. Awkwardly unhook that bra with one hand unless the hook is stuck in which case pull it over your head but be careful not to stretch it. You cannot be detained, arrested, or fined for going topless in public in New York.

Across the course of history, French discoveries have proved invaluable to the field of science. Children still learn the stories of Louis Pasteur, who discovered that invisibly small bacteria spoil food and cause disease, and Marie Curie, who found and named the unseen power of radioactivity. Now there's one more name to add to the list of geniuses upending the world's assumptions: Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, who has declared that bras make women's boobs saggy.

Dolly Parton says implants don't age: "My girls are doing pretty good." Now you know.

Everyone loves boobs because they feed us when we're babies and they kind of feel like a water balloon filled with chocolate pudding, which makes them pleasant to jiggle and hold.

Jamie Lynne Grumet, whose left breast achieved stardom this week by appearing on the cover of Time while inside her nearly four-year-old son's mouth, went on the Today Show to discuss the controversial cover. With son Aram mewling by her side (wouldn't it be great if she'd whipped out a tit and shoved it in his mouth, right then and there?) Jamie explained that attachment parenting "is not for everybody," and that she isn't trying to judge anyone. She also notes that she's getting guff from breastfeeding critics and advocates:

Meet Aram Grumet. He is one month shy of four years old and he breast feeds. To illustrate a feature package on attachment parenting, Time had Aram stand on a chair and suck his mother's teat while gazing into the camera. The resulting photo will soon be on every newsstand in America.