Taser International, producer of the greatest non-lethal law enforcement tool known to man, is rapidly expanding its empire to include a new video surveillance system called Axon that records response calls by law enforcement. This should help with court cases when cops are unfairly accused of brutality. But you know what's totally unfair? All of these negative, sensational stories about tasers. This constant negativity is overshadowing the great contributions that tasers have made to society over the years. According to Taser International CEO Rick Smith, who spoke with Fortune about the company's rebranding efforts, stories about taser-related deaths and such are totally unfair:

Twitter, the growing microblog juggernaut, basks in the glory of its celebrity users and the so-called "Twitter revolutions." Decaying BlackBerry, meanwhile, is experiencing the unpleasant flipside of product association.

In your mild Wednesday media column: HuffPo is coming for your teenagers, AOL's iPad magazine looms, Meredith Vieira is not an insane morning person, media redesigns of the moment, and journalists are good at everything.

Do you find the color pink to be threatening? If so, you're probably a woman. (Not a man.) And who's hurt by your irrational hatred of pink? Your very own healthy breasts. Get it together, ladies.

Campus Crusade for Christ, the worldwide college-based "Christian evangelism and discipleship organization," considered 1,600 possible new names for itself before settling on "Cru." The name change was reportedly "met with enthusiasm and excitement" among staffers. "Go to Willis Avenue and tell Jamaican Jay, I'll gladly pay him Tuesday for a bag of boom today," they exclaimed.

Before it was "Twitter" or even "twttr," America's favorite microblogging service had two other, absolutely terrible names. Crackhead names.

This one goes out to the expert lushes among you. (So everyone.) For generations, the text on the Jack Daniel's label was the closest many college freshmen ever got to cracking open a book. But the company has decided to revamp their product's look, with a "refinement" that retains the black-on-white aesthetic, while dispensing with many of the quirky stats, boasts and sayings that made it look so cluttered. How many are now missing? And what's there now that wasn't before? Bonus points if you play this drunk.

Not twelve hours after its announcement and serious, damaging questions are already being raised about the campaign of former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney. Specifically: Did Romney steal Aquafresh's nurdle?

Because putting his name on Trump Tea, Trump Steaks, Trump Ties, Trump Water, Trump Vodka, Trump Towers, and possibly Trump/Hasselbeck 2012 election posters wasn't enough, Donald Trump just acquired a Virginia vineyard so he can make Trump Wine.

Whether you're a child, an adult desperately trying to cling to the bygone symbols of childhood, or simply have a poorly developed palate, the fact is, you love Cap'n Crunch™ brand breakfast cereal, despite all of the good reasons not too. Well, good news, corn syrup fetishists: contrary to published reports, your beloved cartoon-clad corn byproduct nuggets are not disappearing.

How have you lived this long without an official Wikileaks umbrella? The secret-sharing website has unveiled its official merch line through German apparel company Spreadshirt, complete with about a dozen different designs of T-shirts, messenger bags, pins, etc.—many emblazoned with Wikileaks founder and accused rapist Julian Assange's face. T-shirts start at the rather steep price of $17.99. It won't be long now before Assange follows Justin Bieber and launches his own nail polish line. (Click to enlarge)

In your sleepy Monday media column: Rupert Murdoch is buying his daughter's company, CBS News gets set for new management, MSNBC's branding geniuses speak, and an AOL resignation.

Denny's is spending $60 million to get people to call it a "diner." We'd call it "greasy" for free.

Now that Comcast is officially taking over NBC Universal today, the cable company has unveiled a horrible new logo for the famed broadcaster. The response hasn't been too kind. But we know you can come up with something better!

"Power Balance" wristbands have magical holograms that give you magical powers of balance, just by wearing them. Just last week, Power Balance itself admitted Power Balance is a scam! Now the company's putting its name on a NBA stadium. Wonderful.

Well, whew. We were getting worried about Sammi Sweetheart, who seems to be straggling behind her Jersey Shore cohorts in lining up endorsement deals and other, general, empire-building activities.

Betsy Morgan, the former CEO of The Huffington Post, has taken a job running Glenn Beck's website. Hmm. Isn't there something troubling about leaping from one ideological organization to an opposite one so quickly? Morgan has a compelling explanation.

Starbucks has a new logo—now with 100% mermaid-thingy! Or, as they put it, they've "evolved the siren." This vagueness just makes them appear more sinister. Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz's own creepy, sinister explanation of this murky symbolism is here.

Wheat Thins do not want to be called "crackers." We can sympathize.

The new must-have "ultimate accessory," for ladies: fruity booze, disguised as perfume. "Our point is not drink a lot to be glamorous - it's drink responsibly and in moderation and just be glamorous over all." Ohh, okay. [NYT]