Last night at a club called Element, on Houston Street, a line formed in the rain. Everyone in line was on the list for a free Smirnoff-sponsored concert featuring Common, Q-Tip, and KRS-ONE. The fact that everyone was on the list made them that much more put off that the doors opened 45 minutes late. "I'm with Diageo," moaned one girl. "I don't do lines."
Just when you thought you'd have to settle for one of those other 23837766992753 energy drink products that don't quite reflect your lifestyle, comes the news that Playboy is finally launching its own energy drink. It has that bunny on the can, and it has energetic ingredients, and it is called "Playboy Energy Drink." The company says it gives "customers a taste of the lifestyle that has always been associated with the Playboy brand." Mmm. So what does it taste like?
On a broad socioeconomic basis, it's unlucky to be born black in this country. Chances are you'll have worse schools, a poorer neighborhood, and face more discrimination than white people. But if you're one of the lucky few who can get a toehold in the corporate world while still keeping abreast of the latest "urban" trends, you can get white businessmen to pay you millions of dollars just for spitballing ideas off the top of your head about how to sell things to white teenagers. Steve Stoute is living that dream.
Gucci's new flagship store on 5th Avenue [Photo via Racked] opened today&mdash the one that was in no way related to the blockbuster luxury bash at the UN Wednesday night, which was done only with the children of Malawi in mind. And coverage of that fabulous night keeps on coming, today in the form of an ET video (after the jump) that features shots of actual African children amongst the celebrity throngs, and this quote from Drew Barrymore: "I think that it's great to have fashion and philanthropy sort of intertwined, because people care about fashion. So when you combine the two, it makes it fun."
Well, you'll be happy to hear that the purely altruistic GUCCI/ Unicef fundraiser for Malawi went off smashingly last night at the UN; no thanks to you, cheapskate, who didn't even buy a single $2000 ticket. Luckily for Africa, people like Madonna, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Cruise, and J-Lo are willing to put the welfare of refugees before their own needs. Some of them even showed up in new Gucci outfits, in order to help the company, which is a force for good in this world. Madonna took on the accusations "made mainly by bloggers" that the event is a sickening, decadent fashion orgy, a sham passed off as a benefit for a charity that is run by the co-director of the Kabbalah Center . The Material Girl doesn't pay attention to that talk, because it's that same old "controversy surrounding anything that involves change." You go! And Gucci CEO Mark Lee clarified that it is just "a coincidence" that Gucci is opening a new flagship store in NYC this Friday. To emphasize the point, they even scrubbed the original press release!
"Meet me on the Avenue of Architecture, where we will visit a distinctive retailer such as Brooklyn Industries before eating at a distinctive local restaurant like Two Boots pizzeria." That's what you'll be telling your friends in the next 12-18 months, if the Times Square Alliance has anything to say about it. The Times reports today that the TSA has embarked on a rebranding campaign for the portion of 8th Ave. between 40th and 53rd streets. And hey, why not "Avenue of Architecture," seeing how that area has incredible new buildings like... the New York Times headquarters, for example! We're not sure a tagline like that is gonna be enough to pull in the crowds, even once the hip, distinctive "stationers and gift boutiques like Montblanc" move in. What kind of slogan would be more appropriate for this post-porn neighborhood of dreams?
It's great that Tea Leoni, Madonna, Timbaland, and Alicia Keys can take time out of their shiny lives tonight to attend a fundraiser for UNICEF. Because they all support UNICEF, and are each determined to raise money for the suffering people of Malawi, you see. Purely coincidental is Gucci's co-sponsorship of the event. The high fashion brand is also extremely concerned with Malawi, and whatnot. And did they mention that this event will celebrate the opening of their NEW 5th Avenue flagship store? That is only a secondary concern, of course. Gucci is actually very popular in Malawi. And why wouldn't they be, with products like these:
Xerox is synonymous with copiers. But it urgently wants you to forget all that — and, as well, its brief, pointless stint as a "document management company." It has now joined hundreds of young, hip Internet companies with 3D glassy ball logos. Xerox hired Interbrand to spend 18 months conducting 5,000 interviews to rationalize the new logo: "friendlier" lowercase letters, a slick new typeface, and the obligatory ball, which is supposed to "suggest forward movement and 'a holistic company.'" I just think: kid's toy.
Took me half a minute to realize this wasn't a legit Burger King ad. "Whopper Freakout, Ghetto Version" parodies the chain's "viral" ads, wherein they pulled the Whopper at one location for a day and taped people's reactions. In the version below, one customer says, "I hear you motherfuckers put worms in your burgers; I dunno if that's true but that shit is good." Chances are that's not the message Burger King wants spread, but some smartass in marketing must be high-fiving himself. Burger King has played with ironic advertising (the scary ads with The King, for example, and the classic subservient chicken microsite) enough to expect and appreciate this kind of parody. That sets them apart from General Motors, whose make-your-own-ad program inspired people to mock the gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe. Amateurish, easily parodied virals are only for brands that can tolerate someone spitting in their burger.
In the great "these things go together" corporate tradition of LVMH, Disney has created a $4 billion "Princess" division "almost by accident" to combine the considerable assets of Belle, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, Jasmine, and Ariel. ("Pocahontas and Mulan are usually kicked off the throne. Disney says that's because their 'qualities' are different from the others..." Right.) The story would ho-hummly end there if this were just about little-girl economies of scale, but no, as Disney exec Jim Calhoun says, "We want women to have a little bit of Princess every day." Including her specialest day!
Had you told us that Sarah Jessica Parker not only has a signature perfume, but has one that racked up $57 million in sales, we'd chuckle lightly and explain how that was simply impossible, as no woman in her right mind would spend a red cent to smell like a well-heeled Manhattan dowager with a documented drinking problem. (Who can keep straight where actress begins and character ends after six seasons?) And yet, nestled in a Forbes slide show covering the bestselling celebrity fragrances of all time, is that astronomical sum—what Parker's Lovely earned in 2006 alone.
Sun Microsystems CEO Jonathan Schwartz wrote a blog post to explain why the server hardware maker has changed its stock ticker from SUNW to JAVA, emphasizing its Java programming language and software suite. Luckily, he left comments enabled on the post, leading to gems like this: "This is a move right out of the Dilbert school of management." [Jonathan's Blog via Fake Steve]
Microsoft is allegedly demanding that startup XBux change its name to the far less hip XBucks, lest consumers be unable to distinguish between its Xbox 360 videogame console and a network that unites athletes with sponsors. Of course, we imagine Starbucks will then have grounds, as it were, to complain. [VentureBeat]
"A branded toiletry," notes David Ehrenstein in the LA Times, would only complement CNN anchor Anderson Cooper's "arm's-length message discipline." So true! We are all really hoping that the idea of sexless yet chest-hair-baring designer Tom Ford making an Anderson Cooper perfume comes to newsy, sweaty fruition. Particularly since Ford's (You're With Me) Tuscan Leather smells like cocaine, according to New York mag. But what would Anderson's man-perfume smell like? Ponies and butterflies? SPF 60 and sardony? Methylenedioxymethamphetamine and regret?
Literal-minded naming is a helpful trait in a programmer. For a brand marketer, it's utter disaster. The geek-centered culture at Microsoft has produced such monstrosities as "Windows XP 64-Bit Edition For 64-Bit Extended Systems." Paging the Department of Redundancy Department! News.com explores how David Webster, a recently hired branding expert, is upping Microsoft's name game. Last year, Robert Scoble talked to Webster about how he was trying to ban supposedly "cool" codenames that didn't pop on Google searches; now, Webster's trying to advance consumer-friendly names like Silverlight, Popfly and Surface. Certainly an improvement over past atrocities like Microsoft Desktop Optimization Pack — oh, wait. That's a present atrocity. Back to work, Webster.
