Sofía Vergara's softest body parts stuck to their resolution to not be confined to her clothing for 2013, as witnesses say the actress unintentionally flashed her breasts to a roomful of people in the midst of a nightclub fight on New Year's.

Long story short, Philly.com ran a photo from Playboy in which a woman wantonly displays a hot naked boob as the illustration for a column today. This fact was noted by many readers and by Jim Romenesko, and the photo was removed. Will we allow faceless "news" organizations to try to erase the historical record like that? No, so the original boob illustration is below.

Kim Kardashian is that girl who takes iPhone shots of herself wearing a push-up bra in the dressing room of a Victoria's Secret, then texts them to all her male friends and asks, "Do u like my eyeshadow in dis pic?" Here she is dressed as a sexy peanut on a leopard print background. Do u like her eyeshadow in dis pic?

Kate Middleton's boobs are many things to many people. To Prince William, they are rounded mounds of subcutaneous adipose tissue, which must be sunblocked on private vacations, so that they do not burn. To Kate Middleton's future children, they are a portable wetbar. To an anonymous Irish paparazzo, they are a new summer home.

Dirty old man Oliver Stone apparently couldn't keep his randy mitts to himself at last night's London premiere of The Savages, reaching out to help himself to handful of Salma Hayek's busting bosom.

Here's that list of celebrity bra sizes you've been waiting for.

Everyone loves boobs because they feed us when we're babies and they kind of feel like a water balloon filled with chocolate pudding, which makes them pleasant to jiggle and hold.

Annie lives in Arglington, VA, and has size 102ZZZ breasts. To say that she "suffers" from gigantomastia would be inaccurate because she seems to love her 85 pounds of boobs and also makes them work for her. Annie has done hundreds of adult movies as "Norma Stitz" (get it?).

The above is a (NSFW) scene from the upcoming film adaptation of On the Road. It is the first time in which we the public are privy to Kristen Stewart's boobs. Also the first we see her giving two gentlemen handjobs at the same time. We did it everybody.

Considering that Mother's Day founder Anna Jarvis ended up rejecting her creation due to the holiday's hyper-commercialization, and spent the rest of her life campaigning against it, one might assume she would have bone to pick with anyone who took Hooters up on their special Mother's Day offer of free boneless wings for moms.

Jamie Lynne Grumet, whose left breast achieved stardom this week by appearing on the cover of Time while inside her nearly four-year-old son's mouth, went on the Today Show to discuss the controversial cover. With son Aram mewling by her side (wouldn't it be great if she'd whipped out a tit and shoved it in his mouth, right then and there?) Jamie explained that attachment parenting "is not for everybody," and that she isn't trying to judge anyone. She also notes that she's getting guff from breastfeeding critics and advocates:

Meet Aram Grumet. He is one month shy of four years old and he breast feeds. To illustrate a feature package on attachment parenting, Time had Aram stand on a chair and suck his mother's teat while gazing into the camera. The resulting photo will soon be on every newsstand in America.

Chinese cinema-goers looking to draw Kate Winslet like one of their French girls will have to do so from memory, after the state censored her nude scene in the 2012 Titanic re-release.

Mayim Bialik, the once be-sunflowered jewel of the 90's, has joined the ranks of fellow whacky mothers Alicia Silverstone and January Jones. Bialik has penned a parenting book called, Beyond The Sling: A Real-Life Guide To Raising Confident, Loving Children The Attachment Parenting Way. The. Sling. Because it is about the joys of "attachment parenting" and breastfeeding your toddler.

The recipient of the world's first silicone breast implants is and was a total bad-ass. Here are some facts about her from the BBC News Magazine's A Brief History of Breast Enlargements:

Lifetime, the TV network that "celebrates, entertains, and supports women," has finally pushed its schadenfreude reality programming too far. After airing an extraordinarily child-sexualizing episode of Dance Moms once, the network pulled the episode from rotation and scrubbed it from the internet. The episode in question? "Topless Showgirls," in which a troop of 8- to 13-year-old girls simulate toplessness and perform a burlesque.

The eagerly anticipated sequel to Olivia Munn's "Lick my tight asshole and choke me" sexy pictures has arrived. Here is a new cache of erotic self-portraits superimposed with arrows and sadomasochistic instructionstexts with Skitch, the photo editing application that is rapidly becoming the internet's go-to app for multimedia sexting.

Christina Hendricks' publicist confirmed last night that the Mad Men star had been the victim of a hack, and that some candid cellphone photos of her had made their way to the internet. However, Christina's publicist says the most noteworthy photo from the Hendricks hacked photo cache—a pair of ample, naked breasts—is not of his client. "The topless image is fake and not an image of Christina."

Olivia Munn and Christina Hendricks both suffered apparent hacks this weekend, resulting in the release of nude photos of both. We'll get to Christina in a separate post; first, let's talk about Olivia's NSFW nudes, which are basically the filthiest celebrity nudes to date.

Lindsay Lohan did a sloppy photo shoot for Terry Richardson's blog. Even sloppier than usual. Slop beyond slop.