Yesterday's trial proceedings of futuresexcrazyfakefiremanvillain Peter Braunstein brought another frightening peek into his twisted mind. He wanted to kill Vogue editor Anna Wintour! "I'm going to kill Anna Wintour—because I just feel like it," the former WWD reporter scrawled in his journal. Our precious Wintour! But why?

What's up with Cosmo editors and long-ass book titles? As Radar has noted, Kate White's self-help tome will change its title from How to Set His Thighs on Fire: 86 Red-Hot Lessons on Love, Life, Men, and (Especially) Sex to the demurer, but still wordy You on Top: Smart, Sexy Skills Every Woman Needs to Set the World on Fire when it comes out in paperback this June. "You always hope for bigger sales in paperback," White is quoted as saying. But maybe White means 'You always hope for bigger sales than Bonnie Fuller's in paperback."

• The Onion, it turns out, has been nursing a master plan for domination for untold years. Either that or it's April 1 on Sunday. But we're pretty sure they're serious. Also, The Onion News Network is all about the communist-daycare style YouTube clip-sharing. Why? Because they are not idiots. [Variety]
  

• Real estate magnate Sam Zell will probably buy Tribune, which would be nice because it'll finally put an end to this fucking story. [LAT]
  

• Bonnie Fuller is allegedly "reaching out to Hachette Filipacchi and to TMZ.com." There are the usual denials all around, but we think if anyone can revive Shock, it's Bonnie "Bon Temps" Fuller. [NYP]
  

From our friendly tipsters:

• Keith Kelly gets the "exclusive": Time Warner is selling its Time 4 Media properties to the Bonnier Group for a sum considerably less than the $300 million they wanted. Tough break for AdAge, which had the story yesterday but pulled it. [NYP]
  

Despite the Mediabistro job postings that seemed to indicate that AMI would be moving Star's operations back to Florida from whence they came, Star has thus far vehemently denied that that was, in fact, the case. But over the transom comes the following:

• Next week is layoff week at Time Inc. Also, every week thereafter. [WWD]
  

• Fashion magazine editor in chief documentary fever has risen to such a pitch that there are even cameras following around Marie Claire's Joanna Coles. Where will it end, Life& Style?? [NYT]
  

• The Chandler family, former owners of the Los Angeles Times, are unhappy with the way Tribune is selling itself off. [NYT]
  

Recall the tale of Stephanie Green, a researcher at Star who in 2004 began shopping Dishalicious, her Devil Wears Prada-esque novel featuring a Bonnie Fuller caricature. Green was promptly sued by American Media for violating her confidentiality agreement, though the lawsuit was finally dismissed in 2005. Sadly, the public lust (or publishing's interest) in this genre appears to be waning, as Green has been unable to find a buyer for the manuscript. Ergo, she's hawking copies of the text on Paypal, with plans to upgrade to eBay v. v. soon! After the jump, Green's philosophical take on the death of her book, plus hopes and dreams for a brighter tomorrow.

• Washington Post shrinking. Yes, yes, "tightening up the paper's news hole," is a funny phrase. [WaPo
  

You might not want to lose seven valuable minutes of your life watching this LX.TV (n e Code) interview with AMI Editorial Director/self-help guru Bonnie Fuller, but at least check out the first minute, where interviewer Suchin Pak basically asks how it feels to go from stunning success at Us Weekly to the shitshow that is Star. It's the ultimate, "Sorry I have to ask this" moment. If you feel like sticking it out, there's also a funny bit where Bonnie claims her readers care about Lebanon and are well-informed about world events. Well, sure, they probably all know where Namibia is now.

• Morgan Stanley continues to slap Sulzberger around. [NYP]
  

Last night, Reuters hosted a panel entitled "Public Figures, Private Lives" to wallow in self-loathing about how much the media invades the personal lives of ostensibly public people. Panelists included First Amendment junkie Floyd Abrams, American Media den mother Bonnie Fuller, CNBC/MSNBC's Hilary Rosen, Splash News head Gary Morgan, and Slate's Jacob Weisberg, all skillfully moderated by Reuters's Paul Holmes. If you've stayed awake through that recitation of names, you might have also made it to the panel. Intern Stephanie and video-op Richard Blakeley went to the reception AND the panel (troopers!), producing the clip above (Bonnie Fuller considers herself a public figure!) and the incident report below.

"Lookit who's got a MySpace page" stories are tired as hell, especially since most are fakes put up as "tributes" to the celeb in question. The only thing that distinguishes American Media editrix Bonnie Fuller's fake page is its origin as a stunt to get on the AMI reality show One Park Avenue. Ad Age reveals the perp in question to be one Shmuly Tennenhaus, a self-described "Hasidic Jew with a ton of chutzpa." In addition to the MySpace, Tennenhaus of course has an OPA-focused blog, though the latter seems to be a repository for net marketing punditry as much as anything. His chances for getting on the show don't look good so far, as you have to make it clear you're desperate without appearing desperate. A nice rack doesn't hurt, either.

• Project Runway mini-spoiler: model Jia Santos makes it to the final three, but her chances at victory are, uh, spoiled when she gets hit by a bus. She's been in intensive care for a month; Bravo execs are thrilled by the potential ratings and send flowers. [Gatecrasher]
• Philippe owner Stratis Morfogen claims that Bonnie Fuller pulled a Star feature on the restaurant after she was forced to wait 20 minutes for a table. Too bad; Star is world-renowned for its dining coverage. [Page Six]
• Beyonce gets slapped with a $1.5 million lawsuit from the businessman who helped broker the launch of her fashion label, claiming that she owes him a good deal of money. [Lowdown]
• Angelina Jolie gets SWF on Jennifer Aniston, reportedly taking a role originally written for Aniston. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt scratches his ass. [TMZ]
• After Hilary Swank sold him out for the sake of a bikini-clad Vanity Fair cover, Chad Lowe cuts himself a line and finds a new ho. [Us Weekly]
• Chevy Chase has such a great relationship with his daughter, he can openly call her a whore. [Page Six]

• Star fucking Jones, what are we going to do with you? She's forced off The View, then does a surprise, on-air resignation, then tells People magazine that she was betrayed. Barbara Walters locks her out, and now we're subjected to an endless round of interviews featuring Jones passive-aggressively reflecting on the whole thing. And scene.
• Oh, you best believe Radar is alive and kicking and hiring. Lots of hiring.
• Harper's Bazaar allows Britney Spears to take her clothes off; to make matters worse, the mag forces her nudie pics upon our innocent eyes.
• LA Weekly scribe Nikki Finke is SO NOT INSANE.
• Stephen Colbert and Chris Matthews share their intensely physical manlove with the world.
• It's Devil Wears Prada madness; Anna Wintour will be played by Victoria Principal.
• The Bonnie Fuller backlash never goes out of style.
• Here's the thing with our boy Anderson Cooper: everyone loves him. And yet nobody watches him.
• Charlie Gibson leaves morning television, thus forcing us to watch Good Morning America.
• Another Fake Writer, this time at the Post. Which really isn't that surprising or interesting, come to think of it.
• Harper Lee comes out of hiding, all for the love of Oprah. Really, there's nothing the woman can't do.

Because few things make us happier than idle bitchery, we of course enjoyed Keith Kelly's roundup in the Post today of all sorts of AMI staffers' anonymous snipes at their newly and richly re-contracted editorial director, perennial employee fave Bonnie Fuller. We remain, however, mystified by Keith's lede: