It won't be long before it's time to fire up the old birthing jacuzzi: Reports have surfaced that Her Miramax Majesty and celebrated fertility goddess Gwyneth Paltrow is once again with child:

Given that onetime hard-working actress Gwyneth Paltrow's baby-hampered theatrical output in 2005 was limited to Proof, one of the little movie darlings the Weinsteins quietly suffocated with a pillow before leaving Miramax for their own company, the only news coming out of Camp Paltrow involved either political musings or semi-veiled public threats of violence against those who might dare to shoot photography-retardant daughter Apple. Still, our appetite for Gwynnie-related news is undiminished, and so the desperate celebrity-obsessed press temporarily sates us by shoveling this tidbit about potential Paltrow birthing practices into our gaping maw:

No wonder Us Weekly was first with news of the Bennifer Garfleck baby. Apparently the constant pressure for celeb scoops has forced Janice Min's staff to develop clairvoyance.

Yeah, we know, the Starbucks-endorsed Hollywood couple of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had their baby girl yesterday. We just didn't care, really: a new life born into the pantheon of celebrity offspring? Bah. They had to induce labor — yawn!

Wow, it's almost like the happy parents are rubbing it right in Jennifer Aniston's face. How insensitive. Don't they know this is Jen's day? Their baby was born almost a month ago.