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Given that onetime hard-working actress Gwyneth Paltrow's baby-hampered theatrical output in 2005 was limited to Proof, one of the little movie darlings the Weinsteins quietly suffocated with a pillow before leaving Miramax for their own company, the only news coming out of Camp Paltrow involved either political musings or semi-veiled public threats of violence against those who might dare to shoot photography-retardant daughter Apple. Still, our appetite for Gwynnie-related news is undiminished, and so the desperate celebrity-obsessed press temporarily sates us by shoveling this tidbit about potential Paltrow birthing practices into our gaping maw:

Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly planning to give birth to her second baby underwater.


The pregnant star and Coldplay star husband Chris Martin are said to have splashed out on birthing pools for their homes in London and New York.

Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth - who is due to give birth in May - is said to have planned an underwater delivery when having daughter, Apple, but changed her mind at the last minute.

A friend is quoted in Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper as saying: "It's something Gwyneth really wanted to do for her first birth but she didn't feel confident enough.

"This time she's more than ready for an underwater birth - she's done loads of research. It will be very special and spiritual."

It took months of mental preparation and special training, but Paltrow is now supremely confident that even with one hand occupied by a life-affirming clench with her husband, she can still accurately fire a harpoon gun into an overzealous paparazzo's diving goggles with the other, ensuring that any interruption of the primal spirituality of the moment will be kept to a minimum.