Some considered President Obama's decision to release his birth certificate last week a fool's errand, since those who didn't think he was born in the United States wouldn't ever respond to more definitive evidence. It still may have been a silly argument to engage — that press conference of him showing his papers will always seem beyond surreal, if not plain depressing. But now a whole 70 percent of Americans believe he was born in Hawaii! You know what that means: This issue is coming dangerously close to something that we'll never have to write about again.

Now that President Barack Obama's legal team went out of its way to get a copy of Obama's so-called long-form birth certificate, it's time for the birthers to eat crow, right? Not so much. It hasn't taken long for members of the "birther" movement to grab their backup plans.

Newsweek/Daily Beast celebupundit Andrew Sullivan really, really wants to see Trig Palin's birth certificate, thinks Obama should have released his earlier, and has lots of righteous things to say about how real reporters demand to see documents. Funny thing—we're trying to get documents about you, Andrew! Care to help?

Just hours after excoriating the "carnival barkers" who corral the gullible into darkened tents for a fleeting glimpse of "Obama: The Man Raised by Kenyan Wolves," the president found himself inside another kind of sideshow entirely: The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Lots of folks are angry on Birther Day. But it's also a time for exposing more lies! Here's one of today's hot Twitter stars, Gary L. Mathis, whose breakthrough theory you can see above.

"It has layers" would be a great tag line for a new line of frozen baclava. But now it's the zombie chant of idiot internet detectives who believe they found proof that Obama's birth certificate is fake while goofing around on the computer at work. This shit's never gonna end.

Donald Trump is not going to run for president. But let's pretend we don't know that, and are wondering what's next for him after emerging victorious from his pitched battle with Barack Obama, birth certificate hoisted triumphantly above his tri-corner hairhat. How do you top that?

In a development that will surprise no one, it turns out that President Barack Obama's decision to release his long-form birth certificate hasn't quieted members of the "birther" movement who promote the conspiracy theory that he wasn't born in the United States.

The White House released Barack Obama's long-form real-live actual 100% genuine birther-approved "Certificate of Live Birth" from the state of Hawaii this morning, robbing intelligent Americans of one of their chief sources of amusement and ostensibly establishing his citizenship once and for all.

Barack Obama was definitely born in Hawaii. How do we know this is true? Because CNN says so. "Period." The network traveled to the state where Obama was allegedly born in 1961 and spoke with Dr. Chiyome Fukino ("a former director of the Hawaii Department of Health and a Republican") who said Obama's live birth certificate is legit, and that "he was absolutely born here in the state of Hawaii." A Republican even says so. Case closed.

What were we all thinking these past few completely hilarious weeks as we watched NBC television character Donald Trump become America's most prominent and vigorous birther? It seemed like he was driving the issue with maximum enthusiasm, as though it was the only issue that mattered to him and should matter to anyone, and that he wouldn't rest until the mystery of Obama's birth was settled. Yet it turns out that he never really wanted to talk about this stuff — it was the idiots in the media who kept asking him about it. He wants to talk about China!

Here's your daily afternoon video of vomit-faced dandy Donald Trump saying something hilarious in his pretend run for president!

Arizona's birthers must be so depressed following Gov. Jan Brewer's decision to veto the state's delightful "birther bill," which would have required presidential candidates to present either their long-form birth or penis certificates for inspection. Who knew that Jan Brewer hated fun so much?

Nearly half of usual Republican primary voters in Iowa think President Obama was not born in the United States, while barely one-quarter believe he was, according to a PPP poll released on Tuesday.

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has finally discovered a law too stupid for her own, stupid state! Namely, the "Guns on Campus Bill," which she vetoed because it was "very sloppily written and drafted." And! She vetoed the "birther bill"!

In rather unsurprising news from America's dry, crackly grundle, lawmakers in Arizona last night passed the Trump-approved House Bill 2177, which requires any presidential candidate to show proof of his or her U.S. citizenship before being added to the state's ballot. Governor Jan Brewer will have five days to sign the bill into law.

America's festering cauldron of endless misery and abandoned housing tracts, Arizona, is back in the national political news. Don't click away yet! The state is merely trying to ensure that certain biracial Kenyan-Indonesian presidential candidates aren't hiding their shameful biracial Kenyan-Indonesian births when they run for office, okay? So let's take a look at the Donald Trump-endorsed "Arizona Birther Bill," which passed the state Senate yesterday.

Presidential candidate Mitt "Willard" Romney ceded tremendous ground to his main rival, pretend candidate and bloated carnival act Donald Trump, on CNBC yesterday, telling Larry Kudlow that he is not a Birther.

Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin believes President Obama was born in Hawaii. She said so just yesterday! But even so, she "appreciates" failed businessman Donald Trump's (very public) quest to discover the president's true origins.

Pretend presidential candidate Donald Trump released his "birth certificate" yesterday, and by the end of the day, it was proven to be a fake.