Hello, class. Welcome to Punk Rock 101. Today's lesson is about the seminal LA punk band the Germs, who are finally getting thanks to a new biopic called What We Do Is Secret (playing for the rest of this week at the Nuart). For those of you who are not familiar with the band or why they're deserving of a movie, here's a quick cheat sheet. The Germs made history because they were A) completely insane and B) their singer, Darby Crash, committed the self-mythologizing move of killing himself back in 1980. Unfortunately, he happened to pick the day before John Lennon was murdered to intentionally overdose on heroin, so most people didn't even notice. Flash forward nearly 30 years. In order to support the film's release, three of the original members of the Germs (including former Nirvana/Foo Fighters guitarist Pat Smear) have been playing shows around town with Shane West, the ER hunk who portrays Crash in the flick. I saw one of the shows the new-and-improved Germs played this weekend, and I'm here to answer a few pressing questions, like: Did they suck? Did Shane West suck? Would people bleed? How hot was Bijou Phillips?

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by the loyal readers of Defamer. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Britney Spears huffing smokes while eating poolside chicken fingers.

Lindsay Lohan doesn't have a rep for being the picky type when it comes to bumping uglies. Considering that her post-hab dating history includes flings with a snowboarder with debatable level of attractiveness and the perpetually frowny faced Sam Ronson, Lindsay has proven time and time again that it takes little more than the promise of a keybump or twelve to get inside her cokepants. Which is why we find ourselves cracking up at the way that leading Hollywood torture-pornographer Eli Roth's recent run-in with La Lohan went down, an encounter he detailed on his MySpace:

• Is a spoof wedding between Britney Spears and a British TV host actually legitimate? And could she just spit that baby out already so we can focus on the important Federletus issues? [Scoop]
• Rumor has it that porcine director Michael Moore is at a very fancy fat farm. We're not sure his crusading will have the same effect without the usual galumphing. [Page Six]
• Bijou Phillips fails to show for her cover shoot for Social Life magazine. If you ask where she was or comment on her irresponsibility, she'll cut you. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Page Six cites Moviefone mogul Henry Jarecki, which probably pisses off actual Moviefone mogul Andrew Jarecki. [Page Six]
• Daily News gossipista Lloyd Grove makes his triumphant return from "vacation" with more reports on Hillary Clinton's potential presidential run, Walter Kirn's blog, and, most importantly, the eating habits of Gwyneth Paltrow's young Apple spawn. [Lowdown]