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• Is a spoof wedding between Britney Spears and a British TV host actually legitimate? And could she just spit that baby out already so we can focus on the important Federletus issues? [Scoop]
• Rumor has it that porcine director Michael Moore is at a very fancy fat farm. We're not sure his crusading will have the same effect without the usual galumphing. [Page Six]
• Bijou Phillips fails to show for her cover shoot for Social Life magazine. If you ask where she was or comment on her irresponsibility, she'll cut you. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Page Six cites Moviefone mogul Henry Jarecki, which probably pisses off actual Moviefone mogul Andrew Jarecki. [Page Six]
• Daily News gossipista Lloyd Grove makes his triumphant return from "vacation" with more reports on Hillary Clinton's potential presidential run, Walter Kirn's blog, and, most importantly, the eating habits of Gwyneth Paltrow's young Apple spawn. [Lowdown]