Every drag queen, club kid, and homosexual in New York (and in the media) came out to celebrate the silver anniversary of the downtown chronicler extraordinaire. It was like Area all over again!

We were too busy watching Florence Henderson do production numbers that we missed last night's episode of Kell on Earth. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was the only person not fired by Kelly Cutrone last night. She has the scoop!

We were too busy dreaming about Bode Miller's backside to bother watching Kell on Earth last night. Thankfully fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was working there this fall during the filming. We have a feeling she has some stories to share.

We were so busy buying bread and toilet paper for the impending snowstorm that we missed Kell on Earth last night. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there during the filming, so she filled us on what happened.

We were too dumbstruck by Glenn Close's reconstructed face on Damages to watch the premiere of Kell on Earth. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was working as an undercover intern for Kelly Cutrone during filming. Here is her full report.

We were busy watching all the jokes about Leno last night to make it to Gossip Girl costume designer Eric Daman's book launch party. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern never lets us down. Here's her report.

We were assaulted by a drunk asshole at a Christmas party last night, so we missed the Did You Hear about the Morgans? premiere. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern doesn't get invited to anything, so she was around to cover.

We were not invited to the star-studded New York screening of A Single Man or the afterparty at Monkey Bar last night. Somehow fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern wrangled her way in. Here is her report.

Hey, everyone. This is Bryn Poulos. She wants you all to know that she didn't talk to fictional reporter Betsey Morgenstern for our The City recap. She thinks you're all too stupid to not know that it's a fake.

Due to an unfortunate incident involving a pack of wild turkeys we were unable to watch The City last night. We did piece together the action thanks to some interviews done by our favorite roving social reporter.

We drank one too many white wine spritzers with Brooklyn Decker and missed last night's episode of The City. Thankfully we have the dispatches of our favorite cub social reporter to fill us in on everything we missed.

Due to an unfortunate incident involving talking shit about Ingrid Casares, we were unable to watch last night's episode of The City. Thankfully we were able to piece together the action with some dispatches from our favorite roving social reporter.

Due to a firey Jitney accident on the Long Island Expressway last night, we were not able to watch The City last night. Thankfully we've pieced together the action thanks to some dispatches from our favorite freelance party reporter.

Due to an unfortunate Halloween costume construction accident, we were unable to watch New York magazine-PR reality drama The City last night. Thankfully, we our favorite freelance society reporter was there to fill us in.

Due to an unfortunate circumstance involving cross-town traffic, we were not able to watch The City last night. Instead we had to piece together the action with party reports from our favorite freelancing society reporter.

Due to an unfortunate TiVo glitch, we couldn't watch The City last night, but thankfully there are plenty of budding social reporters out there who can fill in for us. Here is one promising dispatch.