Bernie Madoff's going to be locked up for infinity, but the fate of his family members is still up in the air. But guess who thinks those family members are going to prison? They do!

Bernie Madoff is behind bars, but other members of the family are growing concerned that they may be joining him in the near future. The Post reports today that two members of the disgraced clan, including Shana Madoff, Bernie's shoe-loving niece, have contacted a consultant who helps white-collar criminals learn how to survive in prison.

Bernie Madoff's tickets for the Mets season opener at Citi Field next week are now on sale on eBay. Just a few rows from the field! Access to the Delta Club and free parking included! Low reserve! Cash, money order or certified bank check, please. [Ebay]

When Mort Zuckerman first revealed that he'd lost a bundle to Bernie Madoff via money manager Ezra Merkin, he seemed to brush it off, suggesting he'd only entrusted a small part of his charitable trust to Merkin. A few days ago, he revealed that it wasn't just his charitable foundation that fell victim; he lost $15 million of his own money, too. But the scandal may have cost him a good friend as well. Zuckerman's lawsuit, which you can view below, says Zuckerman had forged "a close relationship" with Merkin up until news of the scheme came to light.

Ruth Madoff took a little break from her busy shopping routine to visit her husband yesterday for the first time since he was locked up three weeks ago. But what's with the $5 cheapo umbrella she was carrying? Looks like she forgot a thing or two when she stopped at Neiman Marcus last week. [NYDN]

J. Ezra Merkin, the financier who handed more than $2 billion of his clients' money over to Bernie Madoff, has been sued by the New York attorney general. The New York Times employs Merkin's sister...

It's shaping up to be a particularly bad day for Ezra Merkin. Attorney General Andrew Cuomo sued the money manager this morning for steering more than $2 billion to Bernie Madoff. Now real estate mogul/Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman is suing for fraud, too, over the $25 million he handed to Merkin as part of his charitable trust as well as another $15 million he says he invested personally. [Bloomberg]

Andrew Cuomo just filed a civil lawsuit against Ezra Merkin for fraud and deception, alleging that Merkin "betrayed hundreds of investors who entrusted him with their savings by recklessly feeding their funds into the largest Ponzi scheme in history." [WSJ, NYT]

Walter and Monica Noel are looking for someone to rent the family home in Southampton for July and August! Daily Intel reports the 7,000-square-foot home with ten bedrooms, nine-and-a-half baths, six fireplaces, and a heated pool, will run you $350,000 for July and $375,000 for August. There's no telling if FBI agents will stop by one day to dig up the front yard in search of buried treasure, at least you know your summer won't be lacking any drama. [NYM]

A judge has frozen the assets of Peter Madoff, the brother of Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, and granted him $10,000 a month in living expenses. How is he supposed to live on that?

Peter Madoff will finally be able to buy a loaf of bread this weekend. A judge agreed to partially lift the asset freeze on assets owned by the Bernie Madoff's brother this morning. He'll now have access to $10,000 a month to pay for things like his mortgage. Or he could always go out and blow it all on 4,000 loaves of bread, presumably. [Bloomberg]

A lawyer representing more than 70 former clients of Bernie Madoff wants to force the Ponzi schemer into bankruptcy. Meanwhile, federal marshals have seized his $9 million Palm Beach home and a $2 million yacht.

Bernie Madoff's 55-foot yacht and 24-foot speedboat were both seized today in Florida. [NYT]

Massachusetts securities regulators charged Walter Noel's Fairfield Greenwich Group with fraud this morning. The complaint isn't short on potentially incriminating detail. In one 2005 email, for example, Bernie Madoff informs a Fairfield exec that "the less you know about how we execute, and so on and so forth, the better you are." [NYT, WSJ]

Bad news today for everyone connected to Bernie Madoff. An appeals court judge denied a motion by Peter Madoff, Bernie's brother, to overturn a freeze on his assets. And in a separate ruling, a Connecticut judge temporarily froze the assets of Bernie's two sons, as well as execs at several Madoff feeder funds, including Walter Noel and several of his flunkies at Fairfield Greenwich Group. Yes, for Andrés Piedrahita, not only is the party long over, but the club was switched on the lights and blocked off the exits, too. [Bloomberg, Reuters]

A member of the "golden" Noel family is finally speaking out. Andrés Piedrahita, the party-loving Colombian-born son-in-law/employee of Walter Noel, tells the Wall Street Journal that since Fairfield Greenwich lost more than $7 billion to Bernie Madoff, "life has changed a lot." But that's not because he did anything wrong! He was just as shocked by the news as everyone else, which is why he remains blissfully free of any regret: "I and look at myself in the morning, and I'm very proud of what I've done, and so are my partners." Isn't that comforting to hear? [WSJ]

• It seems Michael Wolff is finally coming clean about intern-turned-girlfriend Victoria Floethe: The author and Vanity Fair contributor brought her to a tasting at Graydon Carter's Monkey Bar last week and now admits he and his wife Alison Anthoine are planning to divorce. [P6]
• This will probably come as a huge surprise given his upstanding reputation, but it's rumored Bernie Madoff hasn't been faithful to his wife all these years, and may have cheated on her on a couple of occasions. [R&M]
• A "friend" of Joe Biden's daughter Ashley has been trying to sell a tape of her allegedly snorting cocaine for $250,000. [NYDN]
• Madonna appeared in a Malawian court today to discuss her adoption of a four-year-old girl, but a judge put off a decision until Friday. [AP, NYP]

It looks like Bruce Wasserstein's Lazard pulled off the deal of the century. It actually found someone to pay cash money for a piece of Bernie Madoff's investment firm. Boston-based Castor Pollux Securities will pay between $500,000 and $15.5 million for Madoff's market-making business, depending on whether it ever makes any money again. [Bloomberg, NYT]

Last week, we learned from a bunch of facial readers that Bernie Madoff's shady tendencies should have been as obvious as night and day. (Or as obvious as a "thin lips" and "deep-set eyes," anyway.) Now it's the graphologists who are weighing in! And funnily enough, they, too, say the writing was on the wall. (Or pad of paper, at least.) Says Bart Baggett, a "personality profiler and forensic document examiner" who lives in California: "I would say he was seriously abused as a child because he has such trauma. The leftward leaning, backward strokes are an emotional withdrawn tendency, a lack of emotional connection with humans." In other words, not only were Sylvia and Ralph Madoff really shady, they were also bad parents. Could we now get them to focus their attention on Tim Geithner? Would be great to get a little advance notice this time!

Online photo service ScanCafe tells us a customer in upstate New York submitted this photo, ostensibly of Bernie Madoff, about a week ago. We were skeptical, but check out the nose and the smile.