The Noel family was once the toast of Greenwich, Connecticut. Dad ran a hedge fund. Mom and the daughters were social queens. Now, they've reportedly been kicked out of their country club. An American tragedy:

Going to prison is about to get a lot less boring. The federal prison system is introducing email to imprisoned inmates! "It's a way for inmates to still keep in touch with their families and still maintain community ties," says a spokesperson for the Bureau of Prisons. Officials say that the communications will be monitored to ensure that "no convicts are trying to scam from behind bars." But does this mean that Ruth Madoff will set up an AOL account— ruthiem212@aol.com appears to be available!—so she can shoot off messages of support to her husband behind bars? Will Raffaello Follieri begin sending sad love notes to Anne Hathaway? The possibilities boggle the mind. [NYP]

Two years ago it was probably really sweet to have Bernie Madoff give you a corporate credit card you could use to waste tons of money. Today, you'd wish you hadn't bought all that crap:

Records Show How Madoff Used Firm as 'Piggy Bank' [NYT/Dealbook]

Bernie Madoff was "irresistible to women." Really? Yes, his secretary says! See Bernie: you were mean to your secretary and now she's telling Vanity Fair all about your happy ending(?) massages. Always happens.

How did Bernie Madoff's secretary know that something was really wrong with her boss in the final days leading up to his arrest? His blood pressure was up, he had to lie on the floor of his office because he was experiencing so much back pain, and one day he threw the mail in her face and declared he "didn't want to look at it anymore." [Vanity Fair]

Michelle Obama will be in New York this evening to attend—and speak at—the glitzy party celebrating Time's list of the 100 most influential people. As the name implies, there are precisely 98 people in addition to president and first lady who made the cut. But leave it to some AP reporter to make it sound like earning a spot on the list is a really, really bad thing: "Among those who made the list: the First Lady, Michelle Obama; her husband, President Barack Obama; and Bernard Madoff, the disgraced New York money manager who has admitted to stealing tens of billions of dollars from investors." [AP]

A Bernie Madoff game for mobile phones is in the works. "Made Off" will allow gamers to operate their own Ponzi scheme on the go, and is sure to be a big hit in Palm Beach. [BI]

Dealbreaker reports that Andy Madoff was out and about recently when he bumped into a former employee of his dad's firm. The encounter was not a friendly one—presumably having "Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC" on your resume in this job market is not all that much fun—and lots of shoving and punching ensued, according to witnesses. Hopefully the next time something like this happens—such as, say, when Alexandra Penney runs into Ruth Madoff while they're both shopping at Neiman Marcus—someone has a camera handy. [Dealbreaker]

Bernie Madoff celebrated his 71st birthday today, not that he had much of a chance to really celebrate per se. Ruth didn't stop by for a visit—she did pay a visit on Monday—and no cake with candles was provided at the Metropolitan Correctional Center. "We do not celebrate inmates' birthdays in any way," said an official when asked what was in store for Bernie on his special day. Of course, you're welcome to send him a belated birthday card if you feel like it. You'll find a card—which you can customize for the occasion—right here. [ABC News]

The huuuuuge Fortune story on Bernie Madoff asserts something that should seem obvious: maybe some investors knew there was something fishy going on! Also, Bernie is nuts. He dropped trou in the office!

Here's the poster for the sure-to-be-classic upcoming low-budget Bernie Madoff biopic, dynamically titled "Made Off With America." Yes, they did use the bald eagle/flag clip art, thank you. The auditions are also dynamic!

Fortune's massive article on Bernie Madoff is online and well worth your time if you have a free hour or so to spare today. You'll be pleased to hear the admitted fraudster is doing just fine in his 76-square-foot jail cell. He's exercising and reading a lot of books, and "looks surprisingly good these days." As always, if you'd like to drop Bernie a line and say hi, here's how. [Fortune]

• After a two-month wait, the nation's 19 largest banks will start to hear today how they did on those stress tests conducted by Washington regulators. [NYT]
• If the test indicates Citigroup will need more money to stay afloat, Vikram Pandit can probably kiss his job as the bank's CEO goodbye. [NYP]
• Andrew Cuomo is urging federal regulators to investigate allegations that Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke applied pressure to Bank of America chief Ken Lewis to go ahead with the acquisition of Merrill Lynch. [WSJ, NYT, CNN]
• Chrysler is preparing to file for Chapter 11 as soon as next week. [WSJ]

• Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis testified under oath that Fed chairman Ben Bernanke and former Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson pressured him to keep quiet about BofA's plans to buy Merrill Lynch. [WSJ, CNN]
• Credit Suisse reported a profit of $1.7 billion for the first quarter. [BN]
• Executives from a bunch of credit card companies will face off against President Obama today over possible limits on fees and interest rates. [BN]

Last month, a movie producer announced he was working on a movie about the Madoff affair. (You can see the official website here.) The folks at The Daily Beast has a few casting suggestions, and while we're not sure about their pick for Bernie himself (Dustin Hoffman), having Barbra Streisand play Ruth and Sam Waterston take the role of Walter Noel is truly inspired. [The Daily Beast via Dealbreaker]

• Madonna fell off a horse while riding at photographer Steven Klein's house in Bridgehampton on Saturday. She wasn't seriously injured, but don't think for a minute she's taking any blame for the spill. Her flack blamed the accident on a rogue paparazzo who jumped out of the bushes and startled the horse, although both the photographer in question and the police don't share that account. [NYDN, NYP, E!]
• Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson were rumored to be getting hitched in the Bahamas on Saturday, although there's still no word on whether any ceremony actually took place. [People, UPI]
• Has Lindsay Lohan gone straight? She was spotted "flirting relentlessly" with a group of guys including Leonardo DiCaprio at a club last week. [Sun]
• Rumor has it Naomi Campbell is thinking of moving to Moscow so she can be closer to boyfriend Vladislav Doronin. Say it isn't so! [DS]

Another sign that Palm Beach is truly reeling in the wake of the Bernie Madoff mess: Rooms at the most luxe hotels in town—including Bernie's personal fave, The Breakers—are now just $19. [HotelChatter, NYT]

Ruth Madoff paid another visit to her imprisoned husband yesterday. When she exited the Metropolitan Correctional Center, however, a photographer spotted her carrying a plastic bag with several dollar bills inside. Is Bernie Madoff now fleecing his fellow prisoners and having Ruth smuggle out the booty? That was TMZ's punchline. A more plausible scenario is that Ruth tried to bring Bernie some cash, although if that's the case, Ruth should be extremely thankful she's safely ensconced in her East 64th Street penthouse this evening and not spending the night behind bars. Allow us to explain:

Bernie Madoff didn't just screw over the members of the Palm Beach Country Club. He also managed to ruin more than a few families who belong to the North Shore Country Club on Long Island. A third of its members have had to cancel their $16,000-a-year memberships, the club is now laying off staff, and it may be forced to shut down entirely if it doesn't find an investor. [NYP]