Notorious Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle is already making a name for himself during his freshman House term. Unfortunately, most of that is due to his terrible standup comedy. But the boy wonder now has an opportunity to redeem himself and restore the Quayle family name to its fading 1980s glory. He's been tasked with ensuring America's earthquake preparedness, from his chair in a House subcommittee.

It's beyond all comprehension that a professional event planner in Washington, D.C. would offer seven minutes of freestyle standup comedy time, as the official entertainment for a black-tie banquet, to Arizona Rep. Ben Quayle, son of the former vice president and penman of Scottsdale's richest pornographic tales. And yet that's exactly what happened last night at the annual Congressional Correspondents' Dinner. Our old pal Ben Quayle, whose generic facial expression is that of a concussed deer in the highbeams, actually attempted standup comedy. And the poor guy couldn't even land the free laugh that is a "Politico sucks" joke.

With the news of old Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl not seeking reelection in 2012, state Republicans are already considering possible successors. Is Arizona, like Egypt, "prepared for democracy," or will this bad-child state elect some nutter or authoritarian child of Dan Quayle?

Former greatest president ever Ronald Reagan turned 100 yesterday, you may have heard. A bunch of old white people fêted him out at his ranch in California, shortly before the Super Bowl. But the best memorial to the Ol' Gipper wasn't delivered in Simi Valley. It was in the pages of Politico, and penned by weird Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle:

America is healing: Arizona Rep. Ben Quayle will ride Air Force One with the "worst president in history."

After hearing about Jason Hope's "amazing, star-studded" $500,000 Christmas party, we declared him Party King of Scottsdale. But wait—isn't Dan Quayle's airhead sex blogger of a son from Scottsdale? Let's see what Ben's bros have to say.

Scottsdale, Arizona's raunchiest porn scribe, Ben Quayle—spawn of America's greatest vice president—has resurfaced with his latest congressional campaign ad. Get your paper and pencil ready now, because young Master Quayle has some important numbers to share.

Last night, American politics changed forever: hilarious sex dingbat Ben Quayle successfully purchased a congressional primary victory in Arizona, with father Dan Quayle's credit card. Hear that, smearmongers? Don't ever question the Scion of Quayle again.

A bunch of states held primary elections on Tuesday night, and I know what you're thinking: More elections, really? Can't Obama do something about that? But don't despair! These ones featured America's second choice for President, Arizona Senator John McCain!

It's primary day in Arizona! And a nation wonders: Will hilarious, pseudonymous porn scribe Ben Quayle, Dan Quayle's weird kid, overcome the adversity and win his congressional primary? Who knows! But he's enlisting daddy's help for a final push.

Former Vice President Dan Quayle's son, Ben, is running for Congress in Arizona, where he lives with his imaginary children. Remember how Dan Quayle was famously airheaded? Well, as Ben's campaign progresses, it's becoming obvious that he inherited that gene.

Ben Quayle, the son of Vice President Dan Quayle, is running for Congress in Arizona. Here, he announces that he and his wife Tiffany "are going to raise our family here." Awww. Those are his daughters, right? No? Wait, what?